South Park

Officer Barbrady – Police Officer

Episodes: 101,
102, 103, 105,
106, 109, 110,
112, 113, 201,
202, 203, 204,
205, 207, 208,
211, 213, 214

Dumb as a wall
Catch phrase "OK people, move along, there’s nothing to see here."
Performed cannibalism when snowed in during a big storm
Subject of TV show "Cops"
Married
Illiterate (formerly)
Deputized the boys to aid him in the chicken lover case
The town had a parade in his honor for his heroic work on the chicken lover case
Born in South Park (and will eventually die there)
Turned into Elvis by Dr. Adams
Has some weird sexual connection with the Mayor

Mayor – Mayor of South Park

Episodes: 102, 103, 106, 109, 110, 112, 113, 202, 203, 205, 207, 208, 209, 213,
214

Chef – Chef of the school cafeteria

Voice: Isaac Hayes
Episodes: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 201,
202, 204, 205, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 214

A ladies man
Drives a green Town and Country station wagon with wood panels
Sings a song almost every episode
Calls the boys "children"
Did Kathy Lee Gifford
Captain of the South Park Cows football team
Gets girls good and drunk to get them in the mood
Dressed up as Evel Knievel for Halloween
Jesus’ sparring partner
Cured the Pink Eye epidemic
Led the fight against the Thanksgiving Turkeys (Braveheart style)
Sang at the School Christmas play
Had a date with Ms. Ellen, didn’t score
When he first moved to South Park, he intended on opening his own restaurant
Warned the kids to stay away from drugs
Coach of the Dodgeball team
World famous cookies "Chef’s salty chocolate balls"
Wrote "Stinky Britches" 20 years before Alanis Morrissett ripped it off
His real name is Terrome Macaroy
Found guilty of harassing a major record label
Got to travel all over the world with bands and went to lavish parties and loved many, many women
Whored himself to every woman in town to raise money to pay Johnny
Cochran’s legal fees (he made $410, 300)

Ms. Crabtree – School Bus Driver

Episodes: 101,
105, 107, 113,
202, 204, 205,
207, 211

Yells a lot, "sit down and shut up!" is her catch phrase
Has a bird in her hair
Uses the "keep quiet or I’ll kill the bunny" technique to keep the kids quiet
Pet named "muffin" by the truck driver
Crashed into the Vietnam Memorial when the boys flung a jelly roll at her
Had sex with Chef to help raise money for his legal fees (she had to wear a bag over her head though)

Mr. Garrison – School Teacher

Episodes: Can be seen in every episode

Probably the worst teacher in the world
Drives what looks like a VW Sirocco
Was upstaged by Kathy Lee Gifford in a talent show at a young age, tried to kill her for it later
Directed the play about the history of South Park
Thinks that gay people are evil, right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine but rather a thick vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clogs in their pea sized brains which becomes the cause of their naziesque patterns of violent behavior
Dressed up as Marilyn Monroe for Halloween
Directed the School Christmas play
He would love to get rid of all the Mexicans
Got a nosejob and ended up looking a lot like David Hasslehoff
Quit his teaching job to "hang out and screw hot chicks"
Performed cannibalism when snowed in during a big storm
"Pictures of Courage", a film by Mr. Garrison about Nurse Golem
Was not in Vietnam, but sometimes likes to pretend he was
Extremely distraught over Mr. Hat’s disappearance
Is in denial about his homosexuality
Thinks that Mr. Hat is a two timing whore
Placed shenanigans charges against the carnival company at Cow Days
Put in Jail for being a fruitcake
Took Mr. Hat back because he is in love with him

Mr. Hat – Hand Puppet

Episodes: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 202,
203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 214

Mr. Garrison’s hand puppet
Put into therapy for trying to kill Kathy Lee Gifford
Dressed up as Chewbacca for Halloween
Likes to drink Cosmopolitans, he may have a drinking problem
Performed cannibalism when snowed in during a big storm
Last seen in episode 208
Sometimes he fantasizes about same sex relations, specifically that he is in a sauna with Brett Farve and a bottle of 1000 Island dressing
Came back to Mr. Garrison in episode 214
Broke Mr. Garrison and Chef out of jail

Mr. Twig – Hand Puppet

Episodes: 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214

Mr. Mackie – School Counselor

Episodes: 108, 110, 113, 202, 204, 205, 206, 207, 211, 212, 214

Pip – British kid

Episodes: 101,
104, 105, 108,
109, 110, 112,
203, 204, 205,
206, 208

Everyone hates him
Cartman set him on fire with the flames that were shooting out of his ass
Did not get invited to Cartman’s birthday party
Turned into one of the living dead on Halloween
His real name is Phillip but everyone calls him "Pip" because they hate him
His parents are dead so he spends his summers in summer school
Gave Kyle a nosebleed in a game of Dodgeball
Star player of the Dodgeball team, threw the winning ball for the World Championship
#00 on the Dodgeball team

Wendy Testaburger – Stan’s love interest/Classmate

Episodes: 101, 102, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 205, 207, 209, 211, 212, 214

Stan is in love with her
Bitter at Cartman for cheating on the Environmental Essay contest
Dressed up as Chewbacca for Halloween, won 1st place in costume contest
Turned into one of the living dead on Halloween
Supposed to get Cartman the Mega-Power Chopper for his birthday, but was changed to the Yellow Mega-Man since Kenny has been turned into a duck billed platypus
Played the Virgin Mary in the School Christmas play
Bought Ms. Ellen a dead animal for Valentines Day as she was extremely jealous of her
Had Bebe give her a makeover so Stan would notice her again
Her Grandmother died
Don’t F*ck with her
Plotted with the Iraqi to eliminate Ms. Ellen
Will be the death of Stan (according to Cartman)