Hell Hath No Fury Like An Earlobe Scorned

I’ve never understood this dry spell I’ve had recently. Not so much as a hint of Tad’s hand coming up for a tug over the past few weeks. I’ve been going nuts. I keep thinking maybe I’ve done something wrong. Maybe I’ve upset him somehow. But I’ve racked my brain and I honestly can’t think of anything I might have done. Oh yes, so he’s got Dixie back, so he gets less flustered than he has in the recent past. But still, couldn’t I get even a little tug for old times sake? Just to let me know he knows I’m still here?

Well, days passed. I had finally settled myself down and decided to just enjoy myself and keep a close eye out for when I might get my little squeeze again. Afterall, if I’m not going to get any good tugging from my Tad, I at least I can live with the fact that I have Dixie running her hands over me every now and then... and trust me, that’s NEVER a bad thing. : )..... I decided to try some relaxation tapes. I would get out my little towel and get cozy. It was working out quite well. But then, things changed.

It was during one of these relaxation moments that one of my worst fears came true. I was sitting in my lounge chair sipping a wonderfully refreshing Fuzzy Navel when I saw it. Tad’s hand was being raised towards me for something. I panicked, I wasn’t ready for it. He was going to spill my Fuzzy Navel!!! Ahhhh!! But then, then everything turned within an instant. His hand came up and passed right by me only to sweep across his forehead. And it wasn’t for any good reason that I could see. He wasn’t working out, or mowing the lawn... or even doing a bit of headboard thumping with Dixie, so I know he wasn’t sweating. My curiosity just got the better of me so I got up to take a peak. And there it was.... THE BANG!!! This huge, massive, ominous looking clump of hair hanging from my Tad’s beautiful head. Arugh!!!! He was lifting his hand, not to tug on me, but to brush this... this BANG away from his eyes. I freaked. I cringed. I gasped in horror. I called out “Why.... why.... why!!!” but Tad just didn’t hear me.

Oh, the humanity... oh, the shame... oh, the hair gel that was needed.

Well, you can probably guess what I did. Yep, I marched right up to the top to have a little confab with the hair on Tad’s beautiful head. Mr. B just stood back and let me pass.... the look on my face told him that I wasn’t one to be messed with at the time. And I wasn’t.

Tad’s hair is a group amongst themselves. There are so many of them we haven’t done a census up there for years. They pretty much keep to themselves, and keep themselves busy maintaining Tad’s hair so that it is always looking perfect. Until now. I demanded answers to who this intruder; this impostor was. This was a stranger, a foreigner, an Out-of-Towner no less. I quickly found the foreman and demanded he answer all my questions (yes, while I am usually an even tempered earlobe, I was fuming then). He informed me that THE BANG had moved in one night while nobody was keeping watch. It had been there for a couple days and in that time had attached itself so much that, despite all their efforts, nothing could be done to remove it. I was told that THE BANG even has a name... Mousse-olini. That name seems only fitting doesn’t it!!!

And to top it all off he..... a;ghpqarnga;fnva;df........ HEY... what’s the big idea.

\akdnfap34e7rq0235jqda;cvjzv............. What the hell!!

Ack!!!!

Move over you pansy-ass!! This is MOUSSEOLINI. I am here to take over. Act calm and...........

Give me my keyboard back, you beast!!! You have had more than your fair share of.......

Look, you little snot nose earlobe.... get the hell away and I won’t hurt you, okay!! Like I was saying, I am here to take over. Act calmly and in a swift manner and nobody will get hurt.

Pansy-ass?? Who the hell do you think you are?? I was here first. Tad is mine to comfort, you go someplace else. I hear Mateo Santos could use something like you right now. Or maybe even Jackson Montgomery, he’s screwed up BIG TIME and I’m sure could use something to keep his eyes from public view. Or wait... I’ve got it, Jake Martin. Yeah... Jake Martin. He’s Tad’s brother see, and he’s got plenty of other hair that I’m sure you’ll fit in with over there. Now get off of Tad’s beautiful body before I show you what a nice steel-toed boot feels like in a cramped little space.... if you get my drift. (oh, I just hate this violent side of me)

Bahahaha... yea right. What can you do? You’re just a chunk of flesh that hangs from the lower part of the auricle, and you’re mostly fatty tissue anyway, so just what is it that you think you can do to me?

Hey buddy, trust me. You DON’T want to know.

Bahahaha.... stop, you’re killing me!!

Oh, just shut up, would you!!! Have you even thought to stop and consider the danger you’re putting my Tad in?? Huh... have you??

What are you talking about? Shut up... leave me alone.

Have you thought about what might happen in a windstorm? What might happen if a huge gust came up and got hold of you. Tad would go flying, that’s what would happen!! He’d be airborne in no time. And who’s gonna explain that one to Dixie?

Oh, please! Dixie can go back to Pigeon Hollow for all I care.

Ahhhh!! WHAT.... WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?? Do you realize who you are talking about? Oh my God, if the others get word of what you just said, you’re doomed buddy boy. Now I just want you to sit back and consider what would happen if Tad should all of the sudden take flight.

What? We’d see some beautiful countryside. What’s wrong with that.

Ugh!! You just don’t get it do you? Okay, what about revolving doorways or escalators? What if you get caught in one of those things. I mean, afterall... you’re so friggin’ long something’s bound to happen like that.

He’ll get some good exercise trying to keep up with the machines. Either running around in circles in the doorway or up and down the stairs on the escalator. I see no problems ahead.

No... of course you don’t Einstein!! He’d be bruised from head to toe, you moron!! And trust me, there are MANY here on Tad’s body who will have plenty to say if something like THAT should happen. And let’s not forget about airlines shall we? I mean, Tad will probably have to buy and extra seat just to have someplace to put you. The headroom in those things is already limited.... can you imagine what would happen if he tried to get on board dragging you behind? And hey, while I’m at it.... let’s also notice how Tad can stand only by leaning slightly to the right. You’re so flipping big now, he can’t even stand up straight. He’ll be in traction. Is that what you want? Is it?? You’ll frighten children.... small dogs will growl at Tad.... senior citizens, oh... I dare to think what you’ll do to senior citizens. You’re a menace and you deserve to be clipped.

What!!!???

Clipped!! Cut!! Sheared!! Buzzed!!

STOP!!!!

Trimmed!! CIRCUMCISED!!!!!!

AAARRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Yeah, that’s right. We’ll have a little ceremony. Invite family and close friends. We’ll say a few prays before the knife is pulled out and showed for viewing. The guests with oohh and ahh in marvel of the shiny, SHARP, silver metal!

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

That’s right.... you run. Run far. Run until you can’t run any farther.... and then run some more.

Calling ME a Pansy-Ass. Ha!!!

Bahahaha... he’s in for it now. He’s headed straight for Tad’s feet. And trust me, Tad’s been on those things all day long, and it’s hot down there. We all know what that means don’t we? Bahahaha!! Dr. Scholls... calling Dr. Scholls... Come in Dr. Scholls.

Well... we’ll just have to see what develops regarding Mousseolini here on Tad’s beautiful body.

Until next time folks!!!