Critics Four

	Hello, it's swivel-chair time again.


Hugh		Simon Clituris, you saw that. What do you think
		was happening there?

Stephen		Well you see, again this was a rather trite, rather
		predictable - I don't know what the word is I'd
		use to describe it really.

Hugh		Squib?

Stephen		If you like. A sort of cod spoof guying take-off
		pastiche parody.

Hugh		What did you make of the two central
		performances?

Stephen		I'd have welcomed them.

Hugh		(Laughing at this sally) Right, right. I liked the
		clever and original use of words.

Stephen		Oh thank you very much.

Hugh		Not at all. Your clever and original use of words
		has been collected into book form recently, I
		understand.

Stephen		That's right.

Hugh		Well received?

Stephen		Well, you know what critics are like. What do they
		know about the work we do?

Hugh		Quite so, Quitely so. Quitely so-ington. But
		to return to that spoof cod squib guying of
		conventions. My main worry was that it told us
		nothing of the relationship between the two central
		characters.

Stephen		That's right. Some people may have been mildly
		amused by this kind of grotesquerie, but where
		were the truths about relationships in England
		today, now, this evening, this afternoon?

Hugh		You certainly couldn't see them from where I
		was lying.

Stephen		No, I hated it.

Hugh		That's right. Two out of ten for trying, then.

Stephen		It just wasn't your cup of tea?

Hugh		No. (Picking up teacup) This is my cup of
		tea, in fact.

Stephen		Actually, I think you'll find it's mine.

Hugh		The short one has got a
		different accent, but they both
		smell of Noel Edmonds to
		me.