Brainstorm

	Five people around a table: flimsies, photographs,
	graphics etc. The people are Stephen, a copy-writer,
	Hugh a ditto, Fee, an imponderably stupid graphic 
	artist, Rhiannon an agressive producer, and Dick,
	another copy-writer.


Stephen		(Standing and stretching) All right. Before we crack
		off on this new campaign, I'd like you all to get
		to know each other. Rhiannon, you must all know,
		worked on that draught-excluder commercial, the
		one with the young guy in the American leather
		jacket, driving around in an old pink Cadillac.

Rhiannon	Hi, everyone.

Hugh		Hiya. That was a great television commercial.
		Made me weep.

Rhiannon	Thanks.

Fee		That was really beautiful work actually. Because
		I saw it.

Stephen		Fee of course was the power behind that brilliant
		campaign for Total Protein Concept Balance
		System shampoo, the one with ... how did it
		go? It had a guy in an American leather jacket,
		driving round in a ... ?

Fee		... an old pink Cadillac. Hi.

Rhiannon	That was bitchingly good.

Hugh		World class, world class.

Stephen		Jake, obviously, came up with the commercial
		for Dong Jeans, which had a guy in an American
		leather jacket driving round in a ... what was
		it, Jake?

Hugh		It was an old blue Cadillac.

Rhiannon	Incredible.

Fee		Genius.

Stephen		I hardly need say that Jake's ideas tend to be a
		little bit off the wall.

Hugh		Yeah, I'm crazy.

Stephen		And joining us from an out of town agency is
		Dick. Dick's just come from working on that
		fabulous commercial for "Pretension" by Calvin
		Klein ...

Dick		Er ... no ... that wasn't me.

Stephen		Oh ... they've sent us another Dick, have
		they? Well what was the last thing you worked
		on, Dick?

Dick		I wrote an advertisement for Tideyman's Carpets.

Stephen		Yeah?

Dick		It had a picture of lots of carpets, and a voice said
		"Tideyman's Carpets, sale now on".

	Slightly embarrassed silence.

Stephen		Great stuff.

Hugh		Yeah, fantastic.

Stephen		So we have a team here with one hell of a proven
		track record. Drinks anyone?

Hugh		Jack Daniels.

Rhiannon	Jack Daniels suits me.

Stephen		Bourbons for everyone then, yeah?

Dick		A Fanta for me, please.

	Stephen is at the fridge.

Stephen		OK. Floor's yours, Jake.

	Hugh rises; he's a gum-chewing cockney whizz.

Hugh		What we've got here, people, is a big campaign
		for a new bank account. The Nexus Bank
		Account.

Stephen		I want to stress new here. New means different.
		That means different advertising.

Fee		Different.

Hugh		Different.

Stephen		Different.

Rhiannon	I want it on record that I think this should be
		different.

Stephen		Point taken.

Fee		Can I butt in here?

Stephen		Sure, Fee.

Fee		Thanks.

Stephen		All right. So let's brainstorm it. Let's find a hook,
		a peg, an angle, a line, a channel ... what is it
		that's going to sell this bank account?

Rhiannon	What's going to sell that guts and kidneys
		out of it?

	They all start clicking their fingers, clapping their 
	hands. All except Dick that is, who sits there slightly 
	surprised by their behaviour.

Hugh		Right well. How about ... how about ... a guy.

Rhiannon	Young?

Hugh		A young guy, thanks darling, he's wearing ... I
		dunno ... what?

Fee		Sweatshirt?

Rhiannon	Jeans?

Dick		A cardigan?

Hugh		No wait ... What about an American leather
		jacket?

	They whoop and emote.

Stephen		An American leather jacket!

Rhiannon	Jake I hate you!

Fee		That's brilliant. That's really brilliant because
		people wear those.

Dick		Um ...

Stephen		Yes, Dick?

Dick		It's not very different.

	Silence.

Stephen		Maybe Dick's right.

Hugh		Hell I'm not married to the idea.

Fee		It always worried me, I must say.

Rhiannon	I always hated the bastard.

Stephen		OK. Clean slate, everybody. Let's start afresh
		from scratch one.

Hugh		What about a Canadian leather jacket ...

Stephen		Suede ...

Rhiannon	That's it! A Canadian suede leather jacket. And
		... (She's got an idea coming) and ...

Hugh		Yeah?

Rhiannon	(It dawns on her) HE'S DRIVING AN OLD
		CAR!!!!

Fee		An old car! He's driving an old car!

Hugh		An old Jaguar.

Stephen		What about (Thumps the table) a Cadillac. He's
		driving a sodding old pink Cadillac!

	Thunderous applause and cheering.

Rhiannon	Something.

Stephen		Perfect. Amazing work. Right, well. Lunch
		everyone?

	They make as if to go.

Dick		That's it, is it?

Hugh		I see what Dick's getting at. We need something
		else as well.

Stephen		Okay, let's run with Dick's something else as well
		idea for the moment. The young guy has got to
		have something else as well.

	People start getting up and looking at things.

Hugh		(Picking up a coffee cup) Something aspirational ...
		Coffee ... ?

Stephen		Bigger!

Rhiannon	(Picking up a stapler) A stapler?

Stephen		Bigger than that!

Fee		A telephone? They can be quite big. I've seen.

Stephen		Much bigger!

Hugh		Wait a minute ...

Stephen		Jake's got something ...

Rhiannon	What have you got, Jake?

Hugh		A baby. The guy's got a baby.

Stephen		New man, caring, tender, Jake I love you!

Fee		That's brilliant because people have those. A
		really huge baby.

Rhiannon	A really huge American baby.

Stephen		Wearing ... ?

All		An American leather jacket!!!

Stephen		So what are we saying? What are we saying about
		Nexus here? We're saying ...

Hugh		We're saying "this bank account is so good it will
		virtually make you American".

Dick		Why are we saying that?

Hugh		Well, um ... we're saying that ... we're saying
		that because ... we're saying that ... Problem,
		Dick? Objection?

Dick		Well why does everything have to be American?
		Why couldn't it be an English leather jacket?

Hugh		Oh dear.

Stephen		Dick, I'm sensing you're not with us on this. You
		have another idea?

Dick		Well, I have worked something out as a matter of
		fact.

Fee		We're all ears.

Rhiannon	We are. Nothing but ears.

Stephen		I'm just one huge ear, Dick.

Dick		Um ... (Reading) "The Nexus bank Account.
		It offers the same rate of interest as every
		other young person's account and comes with
		a perfectly normal plastic card. You may find it
		quite useful."

	Stephen grabs Dick's notepad.

Stephen		Dick, Dick, Dick.

	Stephen hands notepad to Hugh.

		The anti-ad. Dick, you've got something there.

Hugh		Christ, I'm beginning to see what you mean!
		"The Nexus Bank Account. It's not so bad really."

Rhiannon	Sen-Christing-sational.

Fee		You're so clever, Dick. Because that's a really
		good idea.

Hugh		You've cracked it, Dick.

Rhiannon	Dick's cracked the son of a bastard.

Stephen		Dick's cracked it!!

Fee		Dick, you're a star.

Dick		Well, looks like the Fantas are on me then.

Stephen		(Showing the places on his body)
		The cut me right round that way
		to see if they could find anything.
		Then they had a dig about down
		here. Still nothing. So they poked
		this thing up my ... you know
		... had a look up there. Nothing.
		I'm going through the red
		channel next time.