Michael Jackson

	Hugh is sitting in a chat show swivel chair, addressing 
	the camera.


Hugh		Ladies and gentlemen, this is a genuinely exciting
		moment for me. We're extremely honoured to
		have on the show tonight one of those very rare
		performers - a man who perhaps more than any
		other can lay claim to the title "superstar". Ladies
		and gentlemen, will you please welcome, Michael
		Jackson.

	Applause and music: "Bad". Stephen enters, shakes 
	hands with Hugh and sits down.

		Michael, thank you very much indeed for coming
		on the show.

Stephen		Pleasure.

Hugh		I know you must be frantically busy.

Stephen		Things are a bit hectic at the moment, yes.

Hugh		I believe you're about to start work on a
		new album?

Stephen		A new album, that's right. It's absolutely brand
		new. Even the little hole in the middle is new.

Hugh		I love these clothes, by the way.

Stephen		Oh thank you, yes, this is a plain Irish
		Thornproof, very hard wearing, I've had it for
		some time actually.

Hugh		I bet thousands of kids all over the world are trying
		to copy this look right now.

Stephen		Well haha ... perhaps.

Hugh		Now Michael, you've been in the music business
		for ... well most of your life ...

Stephen		Just about, yes.

Hugh		Right, and of course "Thriller" has sold more
		copies than any other record, you're without doubt
		the biggest star of this or perhaps any generation.
		Have you ever wondered what your life would have
		been like if none of this had ever happened?

Stephen		Yes. Yes, I do. There's no way of knowing this,
		obviously, but I sometimes think if all this hadn't
		happened, my life would have been very different
		indeed.

Hugh		Really?

Stephen		Well I think so, yes. It's so hard to know,
		of course.

Hugh		Now Michael, I have to ask you this. There has
		been some speculation over the years that you
		have, with the aid of plastic surgery, set about
		altering your appearance.

Stephen		Well I don't really pay any attention to that. That's
		just newspapers, you know ...

Hugh		So you absolutely deny it?

Stephen		Well I don't think it's even worth denying. All
		it boils down to is people being jealous of my
		success. People will say anything.

Hugh		Yes. We've got a picture of you here, when you
		were with the Jackson Five - you'd just signed to
		Motown, I believe ...

	Cut to eight-year-old Michael Jackson.

		You do look a bit different ...

Stephen		I was eight years old, for heaven's sake. I mean of
		course I've changed. We've all changed.

Hugh		Absolutely. Well, Michael, I hope that's answered
		your critics. Now I believe you're actually going to
		do a song for us now from the new album?

Stephen		That's right. This song is called "Move It On
		Out Girl".

Hugh		Ladies and gentlemen - "Move It On Out Girl" -
		Michael Jackson!

	Stephen walks over to "performance area" and starts 
	grooving to the intro. He somehow gets on to an 
	exercise treadmill to do the walking on the spot. He 
	apparently sings.

Stephen		Move it on out girl,
		Don't leave it where it is, girl,
		Put it somewhere else, girl,
		Don't move it on in.

		If you move it on in, girl,
		I might have to find another girl,
		Who'll give me less trouble girl,
		Who'll move it on out ...

	Stephen does a groovy dance break, during which Hugh 
	comes over and interrupts the song.

		Sorry, is there a problem?

Hugh		No no, Michael, that was very enjoyable. It's just
		that I couldn't help noticing that you were miming.

Stephen		No I wasn't.

Hugh		Yes you were.

Stephen		No I wasn't.

	From now on we begin to notice that Stephen is 
	actually miming his answers to Hugh's questions.

Hugh		I mean I'm sorry, but you see I just think that
		this is so disappointing. It's almost impossible for
		the kids to see an artist doing a live performance
		nowadays ...

Stephen		Look, I know some people do it, but I promise you
		that miming is simply not the Michael Jackson way.
		Atishoo!

	Visually, Stephen's sneeze is about five seconds after 
	we hear it.

Hugh		(To camera) It's tragic when stars don't live up to
		your expectations.

Stephen		No, I was joking. She's as mad as
		a house.