Haunted

How can people characterize you as one type of personality, when you are so many differant people all together. I think people look for the simplest explanation, label it, and leave it no matter what happens. Maybe it's just easier for them to organize and process things that way. I found myself thinking about him again. No matter how much I try to supress or deny my feelings, he is always there...I think he will always be there. I hate it, I hate him for it. Physically I havn't seen him since that moment I swore him out of my life forever...mentally, it's as if he haunts me. Every aspect of him. Situations, words, or even the smallest thing...there are times where he just fucking pops into my head and will not let me go.

So that's my song. That is what I read when I remember him. Anyways enough bitching about him. I have been ultimatly stressed this week, and decided to pull out the old school nintendo, and waste a couple of mind-numbing hours with Mario and Luigi. Great guys they are. So besides that, I am still seeing this guy...Now is the time to be honest with myself, no more masks, no more social acceptable words or thoughts meant for other people, and not for yourself. What do you think about him? He scares me. I can't explain why. I met him, and our relationship transcended any normal social restrictions imposed on how a "normal" relationship should progress. This makes no sense. Any awkwardness, any "rules" were thrown out, and it's as if we made our own game plan. He is sweet, he is respectful, and considerate. And that quality that I look for in a guy that makes him stand out...well he is an artist, a true "Jack from the Titanic" artist. So what scares me, he sounds so good. He sounds so good, and I try to find any flaws I can, I try so hard because this is the last stage where I can find the flaw, make it the only thing I see, and then dump him. It is my way of distancing myself, of protecting myself not to get hurt again. The only problem is, for the only tiny flaws I can pick out, every time I see him or hear him, those flaws just disappear. I make no sense to myself...sometimes I think I overanalyze way too much...this will be my downfall.