"Ruth, We Are Going To Drop The Hook "
By Jean M.Jones
From the January 1995 issue of TellTales Magazine
Ruth, down below now and comb your hair - or cover it up - it really leaves a lot to be desired. And as long as you're down there, you might as well put on a decent-looking shirt. As many as you have, I would think you wouldn't look so constantly shabby. What's all the fuss about? Think, woman! Didn't you just take in the jib and furl the main? I might add it took you a VERY long time to get that simple chore done. It wasn't easy for me to keep this yacht pointed into the wind for that long. Now, Ruth, surely you can figure out what comes next.Yes, brilliant one, we are going to drop the hook. We are almost there and you know how everyone watches when a boat is anchoring. That is why it is important you look as good as possible. Why you would want to embarrass me by looking less than your best, such as that is, is hard for me to understand. oh, and bring me a cold one when you come back - and I mean really cold. Well that you 10 enough. Look sharp now. I'm bringing her in the anchorage. What is that beeping, and why are you screeching "go to starboard, go to starboard"? Quick, get here and take this wheel. That noise appears to be the depth sounder alarm and I think this stupid boat is going to go aground. No one will be really surprised if a woman is at the helm. Ruth, don't you dare throw that beer in my face. Well, woman, I suppose you think you were nothing short of brilliant to get us out of that mess and back into the deeper water. What it really tells us is that you have an excellent captain who knows how to train his crew. Sometimes you do things that point out how very able I really have been. Okay, I will take over now. You hop up there in the bow and get the CQR ready to drop. I shall select the best spot for us to anchor. There really are a great many boats in here today, Wouldn't you think more of them would be sailing instead of just goofing off in here? Good grief, why is that man bellowing at us from the stern of his boat? If he doesn't calm down, he could have a stroke. You think I what? You think I cut his anchor line with my prop. How stupid can you be, Ruth? I crossed his STERN, not his bow. He had out a what? A stern anchor. Well, if that doesn't beat all. That is the most ridiculous place I have ever heard of to drop an anchor. He deserves to lose it. I certainly will not apologize. He needs to learn a lesson and he can just thank me for teaching it. Okay, Ruth, do you have the anchor ready to drop? Good. Let her drop. Don't you understand English? I said let her drop. I don't care if the bottom is all grassy vegetation. Do as I say and drop that damned anchor. Of course, it will hold. Do you know how much money I paid for that heavy hunk of metal? When I part with that much cash for an anchor, I guarantee it will hold. I know there are no other boats anchored here. That is exactly why I picked this spot. Neighbors that are too close are usually a problem. It amazes me how many boaters are downright rude. If you don't get that anchor on the bottom now, I shall become exceedingly angry. I know you wouldn't want that to happen. Well, that took you long enough. I'll just back it down and you can go get me another beer. This one is running dry. Were you sipping on it before you brought it to me? Beer is fattening, you know, Ruth, and you certainly can't afford anything like that. You have a BIG enough problem as it is. Hash. I can really be a regular jokester sometimes. Well, I guess this anchor is set, No I.. what do you mean NO? You can see it just lying there on top of the grass. I guess you are just going to have to haul it up and drop it again. How can you say that would be a waste of time? And what do you suggest, mighty wizard of the ocean? Oh, you do, do you? Can't you see how crowded this anchorage is? I Don't think we can pick another spot. And I wouldn't want to go anywhere near that boat with the bad-tempered captain. His stem is just swinging around in some sort of current. All right, all right. I'll move away from this spot and we shall have to check out the anchorage and try to find a secure spot that's not too crowded. Haul the anchor back on deck and be sure to clean all that grass off it. I am going to have to speak to the marine store about selling me something that can't do the job it was purchased to do. Ruth, this has become very tiresome. Every time I select a spot for us to spend the night, some officious boater frantically waves us off. Some of these idiots must think they own this anchorage. If a few of them would just raft up, we would be able to find a decent spot. Quick, Ruth, up into the bow. I believe there is enough room right over there for us. Drop it, Ruth. How dare you tell me "not yet." All right, all right, Quit your complaining. I will do my best to get the way off. This is a big and powerful yacht, you know. I can't exactly stop it on a dime. Are you satisfied now? Do you think, maybe, we could finally get anchored? I am getting hungry and I'm sure you weren't smart enough to plan a dinner that would cook quickly. The anchor is down and she's holding. Now what is your problem? Well, of course, I can feel a little motion ... all right, a lot of motion. We aren't anchored in the swimming pool of the yacht club. So there's a little current running. If there were a faucet, I would turn it off, but there isn't. Would you drop an anchor off the stern, Ruth? That should solve the problem.
