Flora Pasquale Strikes Back! Act One Scene 6

Scene Six

The rendition of "Baldomero!" changes from complete exuberance to deadly sarcasm, the lights rise and it is a month or so later in the Escabosa farm house. ISHMAEL lies on a hard bed in a tiny room off the main one, reading. At the foot of the bed is his geranium plant. In the living room, BLASINA is at the sewing machine, and ROSA is again clearing the dishes. ALEJANDRO sits at the dinner table, his head in his hands, and INKEY is by his side in a similar position. ALEJANDRO (satirically)

Oh, Baldomero,
He can do what the others can’t!
He will fight for what’s right
In the day or the night
With his secret geranium plant.

INKEY I told you to get the reward, Papa.

ALEJANDRO

A drama critic. A drama critic! And that’s no secret geranium plant. That’s his goddamned baby!

ROSA

Papa, that’s not his fault.

ALEJANDRO

You know what he’s doing in there? He’s reading poetry!

ROSA

It’s not his fault all those legends sprang up about him.

ALEJANDRO

He’s reading poetry while in three weeks I either buy the cow and the bull or gloooop! (HE makes a gesture to his neck indicating his head will come off.) Baldomero!

(ISHMAEL bolts up immediately.)

ROSA

Papa!

ALEJANDRO

Get in here, you pansy!

ROSA

Papa, leave him alone.

(ISHMAEL timidly enters the room.)

ALEJANDRO

Baldomero…

ISHMAEL

Sí, Señor.

ALEJANDRO

Go pick rutabagas!

ISHMAEL

Sí, Señor. (HE goes obediently to the table, picks up a flashlight and exits through the front door.) ROSA Papa, every night you make him go out and pick rutabagas. And all day long he’s picking rutabagas.

ALEJANDRO

Well, he’s gotta do something if he’s not out robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. (Stage revolves to the right. ISHMAEL, flashlight in hand, is digging into the earth.) ISHMAEL                                         When I was a child in school,
                                        They taught us of Montillano,
                                        They taught us and taught us so much;
                                        They taught us the hist’ry,
                                        The imports, the exports,
                                        The annual rainfall and such.
                                        They taught us of each province,
                                        Of each river and each mountain,
                                        They taught us each road and each route of it,
                                        But the one thing they never taught us
                                        Was how the hell to get out of it.

(During the song, ROSA has appeared in the darkness.)

ROSA

Ishmael…
(ISHMAEL jumps.)
Ishmael…

ISHMAEL

Forgive me.

ROSA

Forgive you?

ISHMAEL

I can pronounce all my esses. And I never fought off twenty gendarmes with a prayer book in one hand. And the hair on my arms is black like everyone else’s.

ROSA

Oh, Ishmael, I don’t care.

ISHMAEL

Maybe it’s better if your Papa does turn me in. The reward will not only pay for the cow and the bull, it will pay for a whole milking machine.

ROSA

For beef cattle?

ISHMAEL

My mother was right. I should have listened to her. I should have made candles. What with all the recent purges, I’d be a millionaire.

ROSA

No, she wasn’t right.

ISHMAEL

I’m not even a very good rutabaga-picker.

ROSA

Oh, Ishmael, you weren’t meant to pick rutabagas. Don’t you see… When someone believes in you,
Oh, the things that you can do!
Things you never thought
That you could do before.

All at once your world will grow,
And not just the world you know,
But the other worlds
You’re waiting to explore.

You take each horizon for all that it’s worth---
Horizons are suddenly grand!---
You cannot fall off at the end of the earth,
Not when you’re holding
Someone else’s hand.

When someone believes in you,
Oh, the things that you can do!
Oh, the thrilling things you can achieve---
And Ishmael,
Ishmael,
I believe.

ISHMAEL I wish it were so easy, Rosa.

ROSA

But it took a great deal to do what you did. All the other critics accepted the American cigarettes, but not you. You thought she was a klootz and you said she was a klootz.

ISHMAEL

Klutz.

ROSA

Whatever.

ISHMAEL

But in those days she was not Florita the Savior of Montillano.

ROSA

Even so, wouldn’t you say the same thing now? If you were still the critic for La Literatura, and she was still on stage, wouldn’t you?

ISHMAEL

Yes.

ROSA

You see!

ISHMAEL

But I’m out of my mind!

ROSA

No, Ishmael. You have courage.

ISHMAEL

Ha!

ROSA

There are different kinds of courage.

ISHMAEL

Yes. There’s the clever courage and the stupid courage. And I’m out of my mind.

ROSA

Oh, Ishmael. I know what the trouble is. You can’t grovel in the mud like everyone else. You’re too fine a person. Your head is filled with too many lovely gentle thoughts.

ISHMAEL

Oh, yes. I think lovely gentle thoughts
That are very sweet and kind;
Oh, what lovely gentle thoughts
Keep on running through my mind.

I see Flora Pasquale
In bed with the General,
They’re both feeling terribly gay;
I hear Flora Pasquale,
She says to the General,
"Don’t tickle, don’t tickle, José!"
I see Flora Pasquale,
She pulls back the covers now,
The General’s very much dead;
I see Flora Pasquale,
She finds that her lover’s now
A python I put in their bed.

What a lovely gentle thought,
It’s so very sweet and kind;
Oh, what lovely gentle thoughts
Keep on running through my mind.

I see Flora Pasquale
With thirty-five dinner guests,
She’s serving the crep-e suzettes;
I hear Flora Pasquale,
She says to the dinner guests:
"Oh, crep-e suzettes are my pets!"
I see Flora Pasquale,
She’s lighting a match to it---
The cognac, the brandy will do---
Oh, but, Flora Pasquale,
There’s only one catch to it,
There’s some nitroglycerine, too.

What a lovely gentle thought,
It’s so very sweet and kind;
Oh, what lovely gentle thoughts
Keep on running through my mind.

I see Flora Pasquale,
She stands on the balcony,
She stands there so straight and so proud;
I see Flora Pasquale,
She smiles from the balcony,
She’s tossing the coins to the crowd.
I see Flora Pasquale,
She’s holding the sack to her,
She’s tossing the coins in cascades;
I see Flora Pasquale,
I’m tossing them back to her
Along with a few small grenades.

What a lovely gentle thought,
It’s so very sweet and kind;
Oh, what lovely gentle thoughts
Keep on running through my mind.
Lovely, gentle thoughts.

ROSA No wonder you think things like that. They’ve been hunting you down for more than a year. Anyone else would think the same things if they were in your shoes.

ISHMAEL

Yes, but anyone else would have do something about it!

ROSA

Well?

ISHMAEL

I can just see myself getting nitroglycerine. I’d be the first person I’d blow up.

ROSA

Ishmael…

ISHMAEL

The same with grenades.

ROSA

Ishmael, listen to me. I’m not thinking about the rutabaga farm now. It’s not a matter of principle with Papa. It’s the fact that rutabagas are the simplest things to grow. And Papa is very lazy. I’m thinking about you, Ishmael. It’s almost impossible for you to get out of Montillano while Flora Ibañez is in power.

ISHMAEL

That I know.

ROSA

And I hate to see you stay here and let Papa bully you all the time. There’s only one thing to do. You have to strike back.

ISHMAEL

Against the entire regime?

ROSA

Yes. But it takes the clever courage. A long-range plan.

ISHMAEL

Against the entire regime?

ROSA

Yes.

ISHMAEL

Rosa, I’m only one little man.

ROSA

If everyone looked at things like that, nothing would ever be accomplished.

ISHMAEL

I’m out of my mind, Rosa, but I’m not that out of my mind.

ROSA

Christopher, why leave Genoa and go west? Everything’s so comfortable here. You got all the spaghetti you could want. You know what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna fall off the edge and get eaten by sea monsters.

ISHMAEL

They’ve got a whole army and navy on their side!

ROSA

Marie. Pierre. What are you doing fiddling around in that laboratory? Go home, raise a family, open a Polish delicatessen…

ISHMAEL

All right. All right.

ROSA

Now, think, Ishmael. The best way to get the Ibañezes out of power. Are you thinking?

ISHMAEL

Yes.

ROSA

The best way to get the Ibañezes out of power…

ISHMAEL

(with a diffident shrug)
Alienate America.

ROSA

What?

ISHMAEL

No?

ROSA

Yes! Yes, of course! Montillano is completely dependent on the United States.

ISHMAEL

Yes.

ROSA

But how? Think, Ishmael. How do we alienate America?

ISHMAEL

Stone somebody?

ROSA

Yes! America hates it when one of their envoys gets stoned.

ISHMAEL

It has to be somebody important. Like Nixon in Lima.

ROSA

But stones are cruel. We don’t want to really hurt him.

ISHMAEL

We don’t have to stone him with stones. We can stone him with vegetables. In other words, we’ll vegetable him.

ROSA

Yes!

ISHMAEL

But the American newspapers, they will never say ENVOY VEGETABLED IN MONTILLANO. They will say ENVOY STONED IN MONTILLANO.

ROSA

They could say ENVOY PELTED IN MONTILLANO.

ISHMAEL

You don’t know the American press. On Page 5, they say "Envoy Pelted in Montillano", but on Page 1, they say ENVOY STONED IN MONTILLANO!

ROSA

But who? Who do we vegetable? The American ambassador?

ISHMAEL

Oh, no. Somebody more valuable.

ROSA

Who?

ISHMAEL

We’ve got to get them to send somebody.

ROSA

Yes. But how?

ISHMAEL

We write letters, letters to the President of the United States…

ROSA

But saying what?

ISHMAEL

There are Communists everywhere.

ROSA

(throwing her arms about him)
Oh, Ishmael! What else?

LIGHTS DIM QUICKLY