Who will win: Rosie O Donnell
Why: I know a lot of people are reading this and thinking, wait a second, Rosie likes Barabra and she wouldn't hurt her! Yeah, well, in the book Of Mice and Men, that mentally retarded guy killed rabbits because he hugged them too hard. That's kind of what's going on here, Rosie is a mentally retarded person who kills Barabra, the weak little animal, by hugging her too hard.
Julia Roberts vs. the one-legged cat
Who will win: The one-legged cat
Why: Julia Roberts will try to seduce the one-legged cat and take his money like she did to Richard Gear in Pretty Women. In response, the one-legged cat will fly an intergalactic space shuttle and land it on her head, like what Richard Gear did to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. As you can tell, I pay really close attention to movies.
Marilyn Manson vs. Charlie Manson and Marilyn Monroe
Who will win: Marilyn Manson
Why: Have you ever heard the expression "Don't sing at John Kennedy's grave site, or else you'll be murdered by Charlie Manson?" Of course you haven't because I just made up that expression off the top of my head. Anyways, Marilyn Monroe will die again when Charlie Manson breaks out of jail and kills her while she's singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to Kennedy's grave. Then Charlie Manson will experience spontaneous combustion and blow up a few seconds later, so Marilyn Manson will automatically win the fight.
Mr. Clean vs. That Guy on the Oatmeal Box
Who will win: Mr. Clean
Why: Mr. Clean is a bully. He pushes all the other cleaning agents around because he's strong and has big muscles. The guy on the oatmeal box is a wimp, because he only has a face. When him and Mr. Clean get into a fight, Mr. Clean beats the crap out of him. Mr. Clean breaks that guy on the oatmeal box's teeth right after the fight begins, so he has no chance of winning.
Martha Stewart vs. Adolf Hitler
Who will win:Nobody does
Why: Hitler rose from the dead and appeared on the Martha Stewart show. Together, Martha and Hitler baked a cake that was supposed to look like Europe. Everything went well, until Martha started to make the borders of countries. When Martha started icing the borders of France, Poland and Austria, Hitler started screaming "No! No borders! Das belongs zu Deutschland! I rule das world!" Martha completly ignored him, until he started wiping the border icing off and wrote "DEUTSCHLAND" in huge letters across the cake. After doing that, Martha yelled "Stop f*cking with my cake, bitch! You're messing up the present day borders! Everything on the cake has to be absolutly perfect!" As Hitler was yelling at Martha for crushing his dreams of Eurocake domination, Martha grabbed a butter knife and stabbed Hitler to death with it. Then she noticed that a flower petal was starting to wilt on one of her roses, so she started stabbing herself to death with the butter knife.
Bob Saget vs. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
Who will win: The twins
Why: On a brand new episode of Full House, the charactor the twins played (Michelle)was caught using drugs. Bob Fag, er, Saget had a little talk with "Michelle" towards the end of the show. He told her (well, the twins) that there was a time and place to experience acid trips, and that was college. Mary Kate and Ashley got tired of Bob Saget's talks at the end of every Full House episode. They wanted to stop his talks so they could do drugs without the lecture, so they decided to kill him. First, they forced him to watch every movie they've ever starred in. That process took weeks. Bob had lost so many brain cells by that time that he was nearly dead. After that, the twins finished him off
by throwing one copy of every movie, TV special, poster, magazine, etc, they've ever made at him. Saget was killed and the Olsen twins won.
I'll put some more on here later. Right now, it's midnight and I need to go to bed.
