Easy ways to get rich and famous quickly
Start up your own bottled water company
Write down a bunch of sentences you think after you've taken lots of Sudafed, and when nobody understands them, tell them that they're deep poems relating to human emotions and nature.
Start up your own pop group and have Jive Records sponser it. You could sound like a cat being strangled to death and nobody will care. Oh, and the amount of flesh you show off is directly proportional to how famous you will become
Put a dot of paint on an easal and sell that "masterpiece" for a million dollars
You know you're a klutz:
When there is a routine fire drill at school and people automatically think of you
When a "good week" for you in Chemistry is breaking a thermometer, 4 test tubes, a beaker, goggles (which are almost impossible to break), and almost setting the chemistry lab on fire
When the teacher makes you sit far away from everyone else
When people duck while they pass you in the hallways
When you've found a way to trip up the stairs
When the band directors refuse to let you play the triangle, because of the danger involved
When people are relieved to see that your name isn't in the obituaries that day
When you get into an accident by driving a car around in an empty parking lot
When you can find a way to harm yourself or someone else by playing chess
When your room has padded walls and no windows
When the padded walls in your room still show signs of damage
Three fun things to do while you're waiting to hit on a golf course:
If there are any geese within 10 yards of you, take out an old ball and aim for them
If the foursome in front of you is moving along way too slowly, take out an old ball and aim for them
Take out a tee and carve out curse words in the wooden benches
Eight fun ways to mess up a parade, when you're in a marching band:
Flick off the people you're passing by
Stand still when you're supposed to be moving
Try to step on the heels of the person in front of you
Stop suddenly, so the person in back of you will run into you
Play notes a half a step above or below the ones that are written (it sounds like a traffic jam when you do that), and play them really loudly
If you're playing a wind instrument, and your marching band has a percussion feature, play "a solo" during it
Bring itching powder and put them on everyone uniforms but yours....you'll notice that the band won't seem as professional while they're marching in the parade
Start staring at one person in the audience while you're playing and do everything in your power to keep eye contact with him/her
Ways to be an asshole:
If you're talking to someone you don't know well, stand within centimeters of them when you're talking to them. If they try to step away from you, then step even closer to them. If you want to be extremely annoying, do it after you've eaten something garlicy.
If you're walking behind someone, step on the back of their shoes
Put gum you've already chewed in drinking fountains
Leave wet socks from band practice in your locker
Call up the same person 10 times in 2 minutes and say each time that you accidentally called the wrong number.
Tape a thumbtack to someone's doorbell.
Wake up your siblings on a Saturday and tell them that they're late for school
When one of your parent's friends call up your parents and you answer the phone, say really loudly "Mom/dad! That person you hate wants to talk with you!"
Steal the pennies from those fountains in malls
Throw the pennies you've stolen from the fountains at strangers you see at the mall
Press a button in a store saying that you need some assistance, then run away. If you want to be extremely annoying, do it over and over again until the manager of the store throws a fit.
When you're at Burger King, ask for Chicken Mcnuggets, Big Macs, or anything else you'd normally ask for at McDonald's.
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