Why can't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it's two tired.

What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pitbull.

Have you heard a joke about the bed?
It hasn't been made up yet.

Where did they first make French Fries?
In grease.

What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his orders.

What do you do if there is a pick horse and a purple elephant chasing you?
Get off the carousel!

What's a Wok?
Something you throw at a Wabbit.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just designate Microsoft Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard!

What did the one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
There is something between us and it smells!

When is Mother's Day?
Nine months after father's night!

What did Guenevere say to King Richard?
Once a king, always a king, but once a knight is enough!

What does it mean when they fly the flag at half mast over the post office?
They're hiring!

What are Mozart and Beethoven doing for Halloween?
Decomposing!

Where do you find a legless turtle?
Right where you left him!

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!

What kind of meat does the pope eat?
Nun.

Yo Momma is so poor she can't pay attention.