I think it's only natural for feelings and ideas to change, and evolve over time... so its no surprise that today I'm a little more relaxed about this lifestyle thing. When we first got into this I was so excited, so turned on and so horny that I would have had sex with a snake if someone would have held it's head so it wouldn't turn and bite me!! Now my wife hates this cliche but the fact is it really does describe myself and lots of other new people in the lifestyle, men and women... nothing wrong with that, mind you (big grin)... but it created a "do or die" atmosphere. You had to "do" someone, or you thought you'd wasted the entire evening. Now, however, I've come to a point where I don't have to get together. If I do that's great, but if it doesn't work out, I can still admit that I had a good time and enjoyed the chance to socialize and get some attention on the dance floor without feeling like I "struck out." (Besides, I'm getting old! That staying-up-till-4:30 thing, which we used to do back when we were determined to cram all the sex into an evening that we could, just doesn't work very well for me anymore. In fact *nothing* works very good at 4:30 a.m. anymore. "Ah, not me," you say, "Why at 4:30 I'm just gettin' started!" ... well just you wait.. LOL)
So how does one adjust when life functions start shutting down around 2 a.m.? Well I think we as a couple started to mellow a little, maybe started going for quality over quantity, so to speak... relaxing and just enjoying the train ride instead of trying to be the engineer... Another thing is that we have relaxed the rule about always having to party in the same room together. Now if one of us is more attracted to one half of a couple... and we know and trust that couple... then its ok to have a little one on one. I'll tell you it's damn hard to find a couple where all four people are equally attracted to each other, and over time it can breed a certain level of resentment. This happens when one person isn't all that attracted to another couple, but they go along for the sake of their spouse or just because they really want to party. Then if they finally meet someone thay really want to get together with and their spouse is kind of holding back, they might think "Hey I've been doing this for you, now you have to do this for me." Well it just seems like we have taken the pressure off one another.
While we've added this enjoyable new dimension of sometimes partying separately to our repertoire, I do want to say that I still love being in a king size bed with my wife and another couple. It turns me on to watch her give the other guy or gal pleasure, and it's exciting to watch as someone else brings her to the edge of orgasm, knowing personally what each moan or groan means and how close she is. What's really good about all of this is that we allowed ourselves to experiment a little, and we've given ourselves some options for dealing with a variety of situations. THAT makes it sexy, no matter what else happens.