Our Pet Lifestyle Peeves Revisited
1. Couples who haven't learned to gracefully say "No thank you" when we ask if they would like to party with us.
Updated Version: We used to get irritated with people who couldn't find it in their hearts to say no, and instead would say something like, "I'll ask my spouse," or "Well...maybe, we'll see later..." and then would cease being friendly to us and start being evasive. Well this is one where we've mellowed a bit. Now that we ourselves have been in a position to have to say "No thank you," we've learned how difficult it is to say it gently without hurting someone's feelings. Yes, we've walked a mile in those shoes and so we are backing down a bit. We still don't think it's fair to send mixed signals (for example, dancing so-o-o salaciously and then being wishy-washy when asked to party)... but we've learned that anything other than an unequivocal YES is really a no. And we've learned not to let no's hurt our feelings.
2. Trying too hard to be friends first. Now I know we might draw some fire on this one, but let's be honest: true friendship takes a long time to cultivate and evolve. It's damn tough (and not always successful) to take an existing friendship to the "intimate" level. For that reason, we think it's a lot easier to simply act on our sexual attraction to another couple and let the friendship develop as it will. We're not indiscriminate, we don't want to screw everyone we meet. What we are trying to say here, is that relationships can take different forms and still be satisfying.
Updated Version: We still believe in the basic premise as stated above. BUT, we have been in the lifestyle long enough now that we are beginning to make some really good friends, and we *love* having them as friends as well as "sexy friends"!
3. Anyone who hangs out in the group room, watching the couples. If we choose to go into a "group room" with another couple or even by ourselves at a club event, that's a fairly private thing -- we *hate it* when there are people in the room who aren't having sex, they're just hanging around watching others have sex. Watching and being watched *can* be sexy - but it becomes intrusive when you're made to feel like you're giving a free sex show.
Updated Version: The only thing that still bugs me about this one is that, at the clubs we go to, they specifically do not allow single males at the parties - it's couples only. So I don't think that anyone should be permitted to party in the "group room" unless they have come into the room as a couple. We have some friends who are NOT looking to party with single men, but the times they have tried to go into the group room there have been men, who say their wives are either asleep or visiting with friends out in the other room, who try to get in on their action.
4. Clubs that clutter the group room with "special interest" activities. It's no fun to spend a few hours at a really hot club dance party, then slip up to the hospitality room to make plans with a couple, only to find that the group room is ladies-only or for the next 90 minutes or that it's "sensual massage night." Surely there are other ways to incorporate these things into the program?
Updated Version: This one's just not an issue anymore. There are plenty of places and chances to party so we don't worry about it much anymore.
5. People who don't dress down for the after-hours hospitality suites. If you are wearing your street clothes and I'm in my teddy, you are spoiling the mood of the room. 'Nuf said.
Updated Version: We've found that people who don't "dress down" for the hospitality suite are just as much fun as those who do, so again, not an issue anymore.
6. Married men who say they "swing alone." Sorry guys, if you're married and your wife doesn't participate in the lifestyle, you're not swinging - you're cheating!! Work out your marriage problems one way or the other, but don't ask me to give you something you're not getting at home.
Updated Version: This one still bugs the stuffing outta me, and we STILL get email that says, "I'm married and swing alone, and don't consider it cheating." Well don't even bother to write this to me, guys, because I don't want to hear it and we are NOT going to party with you.
7. Single men who respond to ads that specifically say "COUPLES ONLY." Don't assume you're going to be the exception. We mean it. If you can't get your girlfriend to participate with you, then why should we?
Updated Version: Still applies. Double-strength.
8. Anybody who emails us and asks to see our nude pics but either a). isn't a couple; or b). doesn't have any pics of their own to trade. It amazes us how many broken scanners are out there!!
Updated Version: Still a lot of broken scanners.
9. Swingers' personal web sites that are loaded with XXX-banners, Adult-Check solicitations, and other money-making schemes.
Updated Version: Still a lot of this junk out there, still annoying!
10. Swinger web sites that use commercial "staged porno" pictures to depict the lifestyle, and clubs that use these same kinds of pictures in their newsletters and club communications. For us, the lifestyle is NOT about gorgeous hard-bodies with those stupid, gaping-mouth looks of ecstasy... it's about real-looking people enjoying each other and having hot, sensuous experiences.
Updated Version: Ditto. Although I *do* understand that "real people" are not always willing to send in their photos for a club newsletter... still, you could leave out the sexual graphics altogether and still do a newsletter that doesn't make us 'round bodies' feel like freaks.
11. NEW PEEVE! A final peeve is people who send us email, requesting sexy pictures or even just more info about us, but without including ANY info about themselves. Here's one we got the other day that REALLY peeved us: "If you are serious about swinging and you have a pic, send it!" That was it, the entire message, from an email address we'd never seen before. Well these folks got an earful from us, about courtesy and such -- turns out they really *were* a couple (and not just a bored 14-year-old boy), and they wrote us back and said they understood completely now how their message had sounded - we really had to hand it to them, they recovered gracefully and we are SO proud of them for having the courage to respond intelligently to our little diatribe (hats off to you two!!). SO... if you're gonna write us, at least give us some basic info about you: your first names, home city, ages, how long you've been in the lifestyle? As for pics, we're happy to trade g-rated pictures with other couples in our area. We'd prefer pictures that are less than six months old, showing the two of you together)!
