Helpful (we hope) Info
for Single Guys
Q. How does a single guy get invited to party with a couple? It seems to be a crime to be a single male?
A. The answer is simple, you seek out the couples that are interested in adding a single male to their bedroom. Through classified ads and such you will find these couples. (Hint: if their ad says, "no single males," DON'T contact them thinking you will be the exception. You won't be.)
Now for the bad news. There are literally tens of thousands of "single guys", men who are plain and simple cheating on their wives, and men from swinger couples who have open marriages, all looking for a relatively few swinging couples that are looking for just a single man to join them.
It's not that it's a crime to be a single male, but here's a brief description of what you are up against. Any evening when we are online, we get emails and instant messages from guys who say something like, "I know your ad said 'no single males,' but believe me, I am not just any guy. I have a 10-inch dick and your wife needs to do me." That's ASSUMING they can write a complete sentence. Most times they just start out by saying, "A-S-L..." or "Nice tits, you wanna get together?" I'm not sure what percentage of people (women or their husbands) would respond to this approach by saying, "Sure, just tell me when and where," but apparently these guys think this is the way to talk to people. (We think this is because they assume that any woman in the lifestyle is some sort of slut or whore, and therefore will respond to disrespectful, whorish come-ons. We personally have had direct experience with guys who, upon being told we only play with couples, respond with something like, "Oh, a whore with morals" or "I wouldn't f*ck you anyway, you're too fat." Nevermind that the couples only status AND a photo are included in our profile - they feel the need to insult the person who rejected them.)
So the first problem is, these guys are out there setting the precedent that *you* will have to overcome. This is the kind of reputation you have as a single male, without ever having written a word to a swinger couple. It's not fair, but if you need proof, just let me know and I'll be happy to forward you the next IM conversation we have with a single guy.
And here's something else to think about. A typical situation here at our house is that hubby is sitting at the computer and he has an IM from a single guy who wants to know whether he's talking to the hubby or the wife. Now first off, *all* our profiles state that we are a couple so really it shouldn't matter which one is typing. But, if Single Guy finds out it's hubby, he disappears. This is a mistake. A single guy needs to have the trust and respect of the husband if he expects that guy to allow him to play with his wife. Generally, if Single Guy thinks he's talking to the woman, he starts out talking dirty cheap talk ("wanna see my cock?") or he starts working all the angles to find out if she will sneak out and meet him on the side. This is an absolute insult, because he's assuming that a woman in the lifestyle is just looking for sex at any opportunity or cost, even if she has to cheat on her husband to get it.
Q. Do most couples want a female partner?
A. Yes the second problem is one of sheer numbers. Most couples want to play with other couples. Second most common would be those seeking a single female. There are fewer couples seeking the MFM threesome for a couple of reasons. Double standard or not, one is that bi-male activity is not encouraged in the lifestyle, but bi-female activity is both encouraged AND accepted. So, in an MFM 3-some, the husband's participation is limited to playing with his wife and watching the other guy have a fine time with her. It's not really "swapping," because the single guy brings nothing to "swap." In a 3-some with 2 girls, however, the girls can play with the guy (lucky bastard) or they can play with each other if they both are bi or bi-curious... and the guy can *still* play with a different woman. For a variety of reasons, the MFM 3-some is just not as common a fantasy as the FMF 3-some.
For those couples that *do* decide to pursue the idea, it's far more likely that they would choose a guy they already know and trust - for example, the male half of a swinger couple they have played with before - rather than choosing the first dodo bird who IM's them with a "Hey, nice tits, wanna see my cock?" So, as a single guy unknown to the couple you are trying to approach, you not only have to battle the reputation established for you by all those dodo birds, you are also *way* down on the list of desireability. And, as you move farther down that list there are literally thousands more of you out there "competing" for the opportunity to play with a couple.
Q. I know I'm not the first guy to want to please someone else wife... It's sounds so sexy to make love to a woman with her man enjoying her too.
A. Yes it sounds sexy, to you and to lots of other guys. But think about it: what you are really asking is for another man to allow you to screw his wife - to get into his relationship with her, maybe even screw her better than he can, and not bring anything to the table. It's no different than any other sales proposition - the guy is going to ask, what's in it for me? And rightly so - that's his wife, his relationship of however many years that he has spent blood, sweat and tears building and maintaining. And you just want to swoop in, screw his wife, and leave without giving *him* an opportunity to share in something of yours? I think the bottom line is, unless you are specifically invited to contact or are approached by a couple, it's not even reasonable to ask them to consider your offer. Harsh words, but the reality is that many single guys are rude, crude and inappropriate in their approach, and couples KNOW this and are tired of all the guys out there trying to horn in on their relationship.
If you are patient, and respectful, you *can* be a single guy and have fun in the lifestyle. There are clubs around that allow single men to attend their events on a limited basis, but you must learn and respect the rules - and equally as important, the sanctity of a couples' relationship - in all situations.
