The Movie Store Prick by Christopher Lau Scene 1: In the living room. Dad, Mom and two kids on the couch Dad: Okay guys, to celebrate our brand new 4-head 2XY hi-system video player, we're getting a movie tonight! Kids: (bad acting) Hooray! Dad: Kids, if I find out we're in a skit right now, I'm leaving cuz that was some pretty bad acting. Mom: Honey, don't do that to the kids. Dad: Daddy's just kidding kids, haha, let's go to the movie store... woo hoo!... I'm gettin to the car first! Mom: No you're not! Kids: Not if we can help it! (*look up at dad*) Dad: (*takes a deep breath*) Please stop acting like bad actors in a skit, okay kids? (*kids look embarassed*). I call shotgun! *Kids follow him out, laughing* Scene 2: At the movie store. Prick stands behind counter on stage right. Family enters from right. Kids: We're here! Father: Well kids, it's time to find the first movie that we'll play on our new vcr! I'm going to the action section! Kids: We're going to the cartoons! *dad and kids move to left side of stage* Mom: (laughing) Oh dear, I married a five year old. Prick: Don't you think five's a bit young? *mom turns around startled* Prick: I've tried seven year olds, but five, that's statuatory rape, for cryin' out loud! Mom: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just a bit surprised. Didn't see you there. Prick: So those your kids? Mom: Yes, they're here tonight, celebrating our new vcr. Prick: So you're having fun, I presume. Mom: Why as a matter of fact, we are. What about you?... *Mom and Prick continue to talk* Kids: Dad, here's a good movie. It's called "Danny and his baseball". My friend Chuck said it was really good! Dad: Now is it suitable for young kids? Kids: I think. It has the "G" sign on it. I think that means "General Public"... Dad: Great, then we'll get it! Race you back! *Dad and kids run back to counter* Mom: Honey, you're back so soon. You got a movie? Dad: Yeah, we got this one... Prick: Hah! Good one kids. Trying to pull a quick one on your old man, I see. Dad: What are you talking about? Prick: You're gettin a "G" movie, sir. Dad: Yeah, not all movies for the "General Public" are boring Prick: "G"... general public? That's a new one. "G" stands for genitals. The movie shows lots of genitals. Genitals here, genitals there. Dad: (angry) KIDS! You tried to get me to rent a porno didn't you! You tried to trick me you horny little bastards! Prick: Oh, and see how it's green. That means extra genitals. Kids: We're sorry! We're sorry! Dad: Why the hell do you seem like you're always acting in some sort of skit? Why? Tell me why! You two are grounded for a week! Prick: Yeah, and you can ground me and your wife in the same room for a month for all she'd care! Mom: What are you talking about young man? Prick: That's not what you said a minute ago when we were passionately making out! Mom: Shut up! Please shut up! Dad: What's going on here? Prick: Hey, listen fatso. Didn't you hear her. She said for you to shut up! Dad: You were talking to me? You've never asked me to shut up in 20 years. What's happening. Are we slowly breaking apart? Mom: I was talking to that young man, Charles. *dad leans his head on mom endearingly* Prick: Yeah, she was talking to me... right before we started passionately kissing! Dad: That's it! We're leaving. Kids, you're grounded for a week and Maud, you're grounded for a year! *everyone leaves* Prick: (singing) S.O.B. S.O.B. No one will date me cause I'm an S.O.B. S.O.B. Everybody hates me cause I'm an S.O.B Yeah! *strikes a pose* Hey! You guys forgot your movie! (fade out)