7-July-96 Uler comes to visit while I am changing. Dara has suggested that he wear his Chaos form for some of the evening. I concur, but he should use the full form, not some watered down version. I inform him of the meeting Tmer has arranged for later tonight. Reflecting on the duel I check the book to see if Gerard's sword is listed. Although it is similar and Uler asserts that it had much Pattern it is not Oberon's. We continue to discuss Uler's costume, he has selected one of his Arabian Rift outfits. I think that this will send the wrong message - too strong an attachment to personal affairs rather than House interests. I remind him to help me keep an eye on the children and send a note to arrange a meeting with them before the banquet.

I Trump Kendall, he lets a woman out of his room before inviting me through. In response to my questions he thinks that Yattaf's behaviour was typical and his relations with his father are not strained at the moment. Even so I suggest he keep an eye on him. Personally I suspect that he may be plotting against the House or Tarrant.

I go to Mathias's room for the meeting. They are discussing impostors who asked if random were attending the banquet. I warn them about the possibility of trouble and tell them to be on their guard then we all proceed down to the banquet hall. They continue to discuss the imposters as we walk. There is little that can be done, even so Uler is worried. I will tell Rebecca and have her assign some special stewards to watch over the children in case the imposters try to frame them.

At the dinner table I am seated at the end of House Jesby. This is promising. Normally I would not even be at the main table. Beside me is Gabrielle of Garafiesto. I send a note to Rebecca to arrange a meeting and speak with her after dinner in her rooms while she changes. I tell her about the imposters and ask her to assign the stewards. I also tell her about the note to Meloche and ask her to have the demons questioned. She informs me to watch for a signal from her guard captain and kill whoever he indicates. A trifle melodramatic n'est ce pas? I also ask her permission to take a rose. I have it potted and sent to Queen Vialle. But a minor slip, but one that requires a gesture.

At the ball I pursue my aggressive dance card which includes all of the ladies from Amber and most of the notables from the courts. The most notable rejection was Eondy of Pontius, who is the eldest daughter and very marriageable. I later notice her dancing with Uler and Paul. Very amusing, they at least are both good matches, while I am not all that eligible as yet. I get a scowl from Jebediah of Kantor, a sector in Wabusi, when I dance with his daughter Tarrance who is head of the house. This also draws a smile to so upset a father concerned with my lowly station but Tarrance is the head and if she is prepared to humour me I am more than pleased. Meloche is also active on the floor, stepping out with many local beauties. He alone of the Amber children has taken the time to learn some of the complex dances. He is not very good but the effort does him credit. Uler wears his demon form for the serpent dance and later he leads his family in a significant procession through the various heads of Houses. Dara is wringing every political drop possible from this event.

Mikal comes in from one of the balconies and rushes directly to Random who he drags of the dance floor. They grab many of the family and depart for a private meeting of no little urgency. Selina grabs both Meloche and Mathias who were slow in attending. When they reappear it is announced that the entire Amber contingent will be leaving immediately. This sparks a general exodus as Swavill and his retinue depart, followed shortly by many other Lords. Just as I am wondering on this disastrous end to a very successful function Tmer summons the House to inform us that we are under attack. When I return with the news Uler is struggling with something through the trump. I cautiously make contact. He has a tenuous connection with Merlin who seems in a very bad way. For some reason he is unable to reach him, but thinks that he can go to him. This could be bad but Merlin had been missing for a great while and could be dying. I cannot let this opportunity pass by. After a brief debate it is all or nothing. We go. We spend some time giving Merlin first aid. Fortunately I have supplies in my pouch otherwise we would be of little help to him. I try Trumping Corwin. No luck, nor does Arvada succeed in shifting shadow. The time is about half that of Amber, which means that Merlin has been here for about a week since I saw him in the mirror.

The attack and our confinement here has delayed the meeting between Tmer and Uler. When we finally get out of this mess I wonder if there will be a House to go back to. I chafe at being stuck here while my House is in danger.

14-July-96 Several hours later Merlin regains consciousness. He says Ghost Wheel has gone mad. Then lapses back into unconsciousness. We discuss what Ghostwheel could be. Mathias is vague about the reason for Amber's departure. I chafe at being forces to deal with these people. If they are going to be uncooperative they could at least have the decency to do so with style. It is not even that they are Amberites. There elders and most of their kin have a degree more style and are usually only offensive when they choose to make you an enemy. This bunch of children seem to act at random.

All the trump are warm, which leads me to believe that something is actively blocking us, something beyond just the nature of this shadow. Mathias tries some Pattern experiment. Teleport fails and this shadow is too solid to modify easily. There is no access to external magic and local magical sources are quite weak. Even technology is limited here although I do find some explosives that work. My experiments moulding shadow are ineffective, and the change is too slow for me to determine if the resistance is active. I start searching for flaws. Broken Pattern is weaker than the real thing, but it does excel at finding the cracks.

I have barely begun when I am contacted by Ghostwheel, although at the time I am not sure of his identity. He/it wants to borrow my body to dive the pit, hoping to gain some power over the chaos of the Abyss. He is persuasive, even offering me the Jewel, but I am suspicious. Bargaining with your captor or accepting his word is a dangerous thing. I made a mistake. I failed to see the test and the risk beyond my own person. A failure whose cost I will count to my grave. A grave I may find before my allotted span.

While the thing is gone I rush to question Merlin about Ghostwheel. It has walked the Logrus and gone mad. It has also been responsible for the destruction of several shadows, Kythara among them, as it toys with chaos. Mathias admits that the Jewel was stolen from Amber. When I return Ghostwheel is waiting. Watching. Pissed. I get the plan that in its madness it had already decided on this course, setting the trap and waiting for the chance to punish. In no way does this lessen my guilt. I can only look on in mute impotence as this thing sends chaos to destroy my family. A pitiful few escape the destruction as the fiend chortles at the death and my despair.

I stalk slowly back toward the others, my gaze locked on Merlin, the creator of my nemesis. I am not sure if I truly intended to kill him. In hindsight my actions seemed designed to give the children opportunity to thwart me. I am not sure. He is not wholly to blame, but nor can I forgive him. I will not be able to rest until he and his creature have paid in blood for the death they have caused. Either way I do not succeed. Uler draws weapon against me, then discards it as I let Starshine fall. He and the others halt my advance and Meloche lays his mind upon me. After some debate I agree to kill Merlin later.

Mathias tries Alain's card. I did not know he had one, I do not. From what little I know they are a thing of magic, not Trump or Pattern, both of which have proved worthless. Wasted. Perhaps our best hope of escape. Gone. The thing was waiting. Before Mathias could effect an escape it attacked and destroyed the card. Were we not stopped I think the card would have worked because Ghostwheel is sufficiently annoyed to waste some time punishing us. Horrible as it was I could not help but take comfort in the fact that Merlin enjoyed the same torture at the hands of his own creation. Perhaps he will count it a mercy when I kill him.

Certainly Ghostwheel affords him no mercy. He begins to concentrate his effort on Merlin and Uler, trying to force Uler to assist him in his attempt at the Abyss. Uler resists despite the agony. Merlin almost falls. Pity. Such a demise would be fitting. The assault is immune to my attempted Trump disrupt, no doubt the connection is from the other end, and there is too much Pattern and Logrus for me to have any hope. Meloche assaults the ring with Pattern. Ghostwheel ceases its attack on Uler and switches to Meloche. I have no more concern for Meloche's fate than I did Uler's. I am motivated solely by the desire to strike a blow against Ghostwheel. I grab Uler's Logrus sword and use it against the thing. The weapon has some form of combat programming which I resist, but the chaos is strong enough to cause a detonation when I use the blade to slice the things Trump ring. I hope it hurt. Certainly the sword was damaged. Too late Uler lets out an anguished "No!".

When I awake Mathias is busy trying to edit the shadow so we can escape in the hope that Ghostwheel is not opposing him while it recovers. When I feel a little better I again begin work on the cracks. Uler goes to try the Logrus. Perhaps Ghostwheel was just waiting, of maybe we were just too slow in effecting our escape. I know no more than that Uler was attacked and this time is somehow able to resist. Uler begins to summon Chaos to destroy the shadow. With no better plan Meloche, Merlin and I lend our assistance while Ghostwheel is focussed on Mathias. I cannot account for the passage of time. Something about the proximity of Chaos has changes me. This is the first time I can remember being forced into a demonic form. I have practiced a few but find them repulsive. By now the pool of Chaos is massive enough to begin to tear the shadow asunder. The last I remember is a strangely pleasant Logrus tendril whisking us all to safety.

Awaking on a grassy plain we are all in demonic form save Mathias and Merlin. Merlin at least is familiar with Chaos and Arvada can shift. Does this mean Alaric has Chaos blood and Mathias not? Disliking this shape I use a power word to restore myself, with unexpected results. Instead of my familiar visage I now wear the face of another. The features are similar to my own, and there is still a strong resemblance to my brother Mikal. Even so, there are differences enough : blond hair, the eyes blue. This is strange, very strange, but I do remember having blond hair as a child, as I matured it darkened to brown. I begin to have unpleasant thoughts about my past, which has ever been shrouded in secrecy. Whatever the cause, something must have been done to me in my youth to have this strange effect. I take out a mirror and sketch myself in case the form changes yet again. That done I resolve to keep this face until I have an opportunity to confront mother.

There is still no Trump in this shadow and Merlin is in a bad way, not that I have any concern for his safety. Mathias slowly shifts us to a farmstead where a friendly animal family is able to take care of him. I leave a "Get well soon" note for Merlin. It is enough for now. We dispose of all our Trump to reduce the chance of Ghostwheel tracking us. As we travel I ask Uler who he patterned his sword on. He concocts some flimsy story about having found it in shadow. One does not just find Logrus swords in shadow and given that it is obviously custom crafted for Uler his clumsy lie is probably trying to protect the name of its creator, perhaps even Uler himself. He now has a slightly less powerful replacement. He seems to have an abundance of these swords.

For some reason the others find my face disturbing, though there reasons are vague. Meloche contacts me psychically and insists that I resume my familiar form. I refuse. If I lose this form I may not be able to regain it and I have unfinished business to attend to. Much unfinished business, the face being only a small part. They insist, Meloche and the others, attempting to force me. I have no hope of resisting so I break the link and flee, shifting toward my Trump deck. A chasm appears to block my path and Uler grabs me with a Logrus Tendril and holds me over the chasm. Their threats and insistence that I change are beginning to aggravate me. I start to grow wings and draw my sword. If Uler refuses to release me I will cut the tendril and fly to the other side. The next threat, however, I must listen to. If I am to continue on the quest to destroy Ghostwheel I must change. I still cannot see why this is so important to them, but vengeance for the attack on Jesby cannot be sacrificed.

Uler lowers me to the floor of the chasm and poises a boulder over my head. So despite his words the choice is now life or death. I am not impressed and refuse to proceed under this new threat. I hate bad winners. After some argument he drops the boulder and I begin to struggle with the change. It is not until I actually begin to assert my customary form that I notice that there is actually resistance. Another personality, that of the blond haired form, struggles against me. It has little coherence but the force of hundreds of years of mindless rage drives it.

When I have finally put the thing back in its bottle they let me up and we continue onward. These companions who I had grown to view with affection, some even with friendship, I now hold in scant regard. Meloche who I had considered the most promising of the children earned my enmity with the arrogant way he used his mind against me. Even Uler's actions find no favour with me, that and his blood kinship with Merlin. All the promising dealings I had had with his family have been soured and as I plan to kill his brother he can not longer be called an ally.

Uler hops us to a different shadow as all the Logrus and Pattern they exerted against me may have attracted attention. We rest. The next morning Uler says he smelt the Logrus in the night. He is still suspicious and checks me out, but I have no trace of Chaos. When Uler goes to pay the hotel bill there is a message for him. We go to see the manager and behind the desk is an Uler double. A melee ensues. I kill a few, smash through a desk to finish a sniper then continue fire from this new vantage. When the last resistance is dealt with I move to the next room to view the final battle between Uler and his clone. Uler is a little hasty in killing it and Meloche is only able to extract a few thoughts before it expires. Dangerous thoughts - Revenge Rolovians. Rolovians, my maternal Grandfather. He and all his shapeshifting agents are supposed to be dead. I attended his funeral when I was a child.

We drive to a medical center where Uler performs an autopsy on the creature. It appears to be of the same design as Grandfather's bloodsucking agents, right down to the multi chambered stomach. When Tmer took over the house after Rolovians death Sawall insisted that all the creatures be destroyed. None of the blood in the things stomach is fresh enough for Arvada to get shift out of so we are unable to identify the samples, but these creatures were probably responsible for the samples taken from Uler, Arvada and Meloche.

I mull over my personality problem. The other was strong, but its rage was senseless and directionless, like the tantrum of a child. Could I be some other, established personality trapped in this form, or perhaps the other is me, a thwarted five year old changed in form for his own protection. A terrible possibility occurs to me. Could I be a child of Rolovians? Or even more horrific, Rolovians himself, not dead but hidden.

28-July-96 We change vehicle to an RV. Mathias crafts a mind screen which glows obscenely. He needs to take lessons form Alain or Gareth. More style, less strength. After activation the screen they begin to plan. Not having the power of these others I have little to contribute, and I think our efforts doomed to failure in any case. Uler tells them a little of the furies, not a point of discussion I find attractive. There is little I know and less I care to tell them. It is dawning on me that all this attempted infiltration may be a complex plan to kill Random, perhaps Swayvill too. Meloche has not told anyone of the visions we saw in the room we found while searching for Uler. They seem little concerned by this possibility.

Mathias shifts toward a place shielded from spying where he can build his bomb. Foolish but I don't have any better suggestions. His shifting is inelegant and slow, at one point the vehicle stops working. After a while Meloche takes over and notices someone tampering with his course. A battle lies in our path. Cavalry is winning against mechanised infantry due to superb generalship, apparently Benedict although Meloche insists he has no Pattern. I am inclined to find the real Benedict, his presence in this region could be important. Although they briefly consider the option we are soon back on our hunt for Ghostwheel. We have barely started when around the next corner is Corwin, he seem to be the real article. Given my past and plans for the future I cannot face him. I stay in the car while the others talk, filling him in on some recent history and the whereabouts of Merlin. Before he leaves Corwin looks in on me. His nod speaks volumes, though I wonder if we both read the same story. Shit. If only things were simple. I don't think live is going to get any easier.

More travel. Eventually we make it to Mathias's shadow of choice where he begins to make the bomb. While Mathias is about his construction and the others are engaged in various business Uler speaks to me out on the lawn. Corwin said something to Meloche about me. Perhaps his nod did not mean what I thought. Whatever he said it has reinforced Meloche's suspicions about me to the point where he, undoubtedly with the support of the others, is bound to do something. I can not think on any test which I would approve that would satisfy them, after all I have changed, and I am not about to let them dictate my future. I barely survived last time and have not been comfortable in their company since. I can no longer trust them not to kill me at a whim or a suspicion so I decide now is the time to leave.

Not wishing to create any ripples to alert them I fly back down the path we entered by. About an hour along the trail I see a battle. Uler apparently beset by a group of soldiers. I snipe from the cover of a tree and soon they are all dead. I get one of their abandoned bikes and come back to check on the victim. It is still not moving and there is no sign of the healing I would expect from a shifter. Suspicious I chain him in the back of a van, and perform some minimal first aid. The injuries are serious so I shift to an ambulance and then take him to a hospital. There is no psyche and no scar, this is looking awfully suspicious. Time to fly before any pursuit gets too close behind me.

I continue back towards the place where we left Merlin. It is distantly possible I may beat Corwin there, or at least be close enough to find their trail. Again my journey is swiftly interrupted. I get a Trump call that I am just curious and nihilistic enough to answer. I had not even considered the possibility that Ghostwheel would still have a use for me, or perhaps I has and subconsciously chose to ignore it, so I am a little surprised to encounter him again at the end of the Trump. In retrospect answering the call was a bad move, but realistically he may have found me soon anyway, since he could probably track my Trump deck.

Ghostwheel still wants me to host him so he can walk the pit. He must be running short of options to try me again and I don't think that he will take rejection well. He didn't last time. He asserts that my family did not die in his last demonstration, he shows me Tmer, Rebecca, Anna and Mikal. I am not sure if these are faked images or real, Mikal noticing the scrutiny could just be a clever touch. If they are real then those that he showed could be the only survivors. There are many others I care for, and whose loss would weaken the family. Who were not shown. I continue to question him, looking for reasons, information, perhaps a way out. Ghostwheel does not give me anything useful, but in a revelation designed to pique my interest and gain my assent he hints at my parentage and says that he chose me because my father also survived the pit. I have no way of knowing who he could be hinting at or if he is telling the truth. I dare say some of the Rim Lords have made the journey, or perhaps he means Brand, or Suhy. At the absurd end of the spectrum it could even be the Serpent or the Unicorn. As usual much speculation, no reliable answers.

After due consideration, looking at my wasted life, failed plans and inconstant friends and family the possibility of a swift and horrible death or enormous power looks quite attractive. If I refuse I will most likely die here and now, by accepting I get to live a little longer and there is a chance I will gain something, or some chance for escape or victory might miraculously appear. Captive often come to love their captors. Perhaps it would be a relief to lapse back into my ancient form and lie down with my enemy, but I cannot abandon myself or deny the responsibility. This is probably incredibly stupid and in the future I may well wish I has died right here, even so I struggle to imagine how this can fail any worse than my other plans which seemed impeccably conceived when first I set them in motion.

I step through Ghostwheel's gate and divest myself of all but a few weapons, the shape amulet and my Trump so they will not be destroyed should I ever make it to the pit. That done I begin my long slow journey through shadow toward the pit. I travel slowly and carefully but I lie when I say the way is long, for I started well within Chaos, It only seems to be long as I measure my paces with no hope in sight. Several hours later some local denizens attack. I dispatch them easily and would hardly have remembered the event had I not heard a puzzling click, as of a falling stone. I reminds me of the similar sound I heard just as I was beginning my escape from the Amberlings. I begin to suspect I am being followed. Under present circumstances this could even be a good thing. Halfway there I reach for my Trump to Call Anna. I intended only to say goodbye, not wanting to again bring down his wrath on my family. Intent does not could and Ghostwheel had thoughtfully removed my Trump to avoid any such complications. I briefly try to retrieve them but Given Ghostwheel's power I am not really surprised when I fail. Again I hear the sound of movement behind me. I catch a brief reflection in my polished dagger blade, but not enough to tell what it is. When I turn to look the is no sign and I find nothing hidden when I search the area.

I stay alert in case it returns, but it does not. The next disturbance is from another source - the nearby stench of Logrus. I leave my trail to investigate and see an silver armoured knight atop a mechanical steed. Though I cannot place it this seems strangely familiar. He lowers his lance and bars my advance. With his assent I choose to retrace my steps and continue my journey to the Abyss. Some several uneventful hours later my plodding brings me to the very pit itself. Give my disposition I have not often visited the source of all chaos. As before the thing fills me with an awed revulsion. Dimly I hear my internal voice revelling in the raw Chaos of the place.

I rest a while, partly because I am tired and partly to delay the inevitable, then take out my one remaining Trump, that of Ghostwheel. Shortly he answers and hands me the Jewel. There is no better proof of how powerful and dangerous this thing is than that he has managed to steal the Eye of the Serpent and hold it. As I turn to regard the pit, preparing my resolve to assay it I see a startling sight. Uler, obviously here long before me, suspended above the chasm on a web of Logrus. He tells me I don't have to do this. I reply that unless he has the power to stop Ghostwheel I do. The fiend strengthens his control of me and begins a casual saunter toward the edge. As I/we begin I notice that somehow the Amberlings have also appeared on the scene. This is unseemly. Live or die, I do not mind doing so before Uler or Anna and the Lords of the twelve quarters who will shortly rise up over the edge to bar my path, but to endure the sight of these despicable children galls me.

They rush at me, Arvada changing form and flying is the most immediate threat so I expend two daggers to send her plummeting. This followed by a shield barrier delays all but Alaric who was near the edge and managed a passable dodge. The time is spent attacking the others gave him enough time to get close and I again move toward the Abyss. He is fast, but his speed helps him not at all as I pivot and skewer him with a stop thrust. I admire his spirit, if nothing else, as wounded he forces me to abandon my sword deep in his body to avoid his counter stroke. Now, with naught but Uler between me and the pit, the Lords put in a timely arrival. All twelve, led by my mother so that should I be slain it will be at her hand. How very appropriate. Irony intended.

Ghostwheel's control has not yet wavered. There has been no opportunity for me to evict him, and if the truth be known I had few qualms about attacking the Amberlings, but now with the Lords and mother here I am resolved to deny him. Feeble and ineffectual, but resolve none the less. Anna demands that Ghostwheel relinquish control and when it refuses she blasts it with the Logrus, not just her own but the combined might of the twelve houses. The attack swiftly burns through the shield and she begins to contest with Ghostwheel directly. While he is occupied I attempt to wrench free the Jewel, and fail. Even a fraction of his attention is enough to pin me like a bug.

These few moments have given the Amberlings time to regroup. Arvada returns one of my daggers, painfully into my back and Mathias grabs me from behind and begins to choke me until I hurl him off at Arvada. Even in these straits I am amused by how easily I did so. More attacks come and we are unable to hurt Anna with a thrown dagger and she avoids melee by Logrusing into the air. There are too many and the Logrus is too strong, so we flee toward the pit, the Lords being intent on their Logrus are easily skirted. A moment too late Ghostwheel screams a warning. The Logrus blade descends just as I begin to jump, rising only a few feet and landing in three pieces. Ghostwheel flees my body as I fall, tightly clutching the Jewel. In the next moment I lose a large dose of respect for my elders as they fail to stop Ghostwheel returning to again claim the Jewel. The loss of my hand along with it only adds insult to injury. Or is that vice versa?

I remember briefly regaining consciousness in a hospital bed and to my disgust the Amberlings had been permitted entry. I was not at all surprised to learn that their concern was for how Ghostwheel has overcome me and if they were in similar danger. No mention of my lamentable health. I croak out a reply reprimanding them for their tardiness before lapsing again into darkness. The half aware slumber of the next few hours gave me a little time to cloudily reflect.

I have spoken, in the past, with my brother Mikal, Harlequin also. I have read the histories and heard the comments of those who were there and those who have studied the histories. I marvelled at the actions of my friends. Occasionally subtle, sometimes cunning, but most often ignorant, uninformed, stubborn, stupid. I had wondered often how these people I knew, intelligent honourable people, could make such blunders, do such things to harm their families, themselves. Now, having seen the show from backstage, I understand a little better. What is clear from the tower or the mountains is greatly obscure in the forest or the trenches. I have striven to be strong and self reliant. I have come to face my weaknesses and inadequacies. At a certain point hopelessness, suspicion, denial and rebellion erode the capacity to act appropriately. One reaches a point where others' suggestions become an imposition that cannot be withstood, reason ceases to be a factor.

I do not believe I have yet reached that point. I can justify my actions, at least to myself. I have endured even though the constraints and duress have been onerous. Even so, I feel that the edge is near. I have little enough left to offer and no confidence in those that I have in the past called family and friends. That this can happen in so short a time has shaken the foundations of my world, rocked my self-confidence and re-acquainted me with futility and despair.

Where to from here? I do not see a clear path. First I must find myself. Uncover the secrets of my past and defeat or come to terms with my unwelcome guest. From that foundation I can step forward or, most likely, back.

5-Aug-96 I awake with the Amberlings around me. They ask some inane questions and I am reticent in my answers. I am also displeased that I awoke with an audience.

I wake again later that evening. Uler comes in, looks and leaves only to return a moment later with Anna. She wishes to know about Ghostwheel. I have other concerns and insist that she look at the picture in my sketchbook. Even now, after all this she denies me my heritage. I have few reasons left to live beside my family and even that is denied me. She says it s to dangerous to know my past - at least five of the houses would desire my death were they to find out. Reluctantly I tell her some details, like Ghostwheel's link with the furies and his plan to gain life through the Abyss. She says that only Uler and Sawall's intervention saved me from the wrath of the houses. Their stupidity and the narrowness of their perception annoys me. Even Tmer suspects me and demands my word that I will commit to the destruction of Ghostwheel. I debate the point a little and delay answering by again asking when I will learn my identity. Her answer is when we succeed in destroying Ghostwheel. This means never. We have little chance of success and are likely to die. Bad odds, but I now have some incentive to succeed rather than just ding nobly. I give my word and the Uler sends in the technicians that I asked to see. I tell them that if they again wake, or sleep me or invite visitors without my permission I will kill them. Uler continues to glower at me as the lights go out.

Next I am informed that I have visitors. I ask their names : Random Benedict, Suhuy et al. Yeah. Sure. I get the usual bunch with their lamentable sense of humour and Merlin. I am overjoyed. Merlin briefs us on how to get to Ghostwheel's shadow. While discussing the access problems someone suggests reversed Pattern. They call Calvin to ask what he knows about the reversed Pattern, then Merlin leaves and we continue to discuss the plans for the attack.

Later that day the shrink comes to interview me about my violent tendencies. I flimflam him and get decanted the next day. I leave a message for Uler, rest and finish off my squad sketch and do a bit of light exercise. Uler turns up that evening and we go to organize the troops. I then make some modifications to my armour and set up a spy proof room for the briefings. Then I spend a few hours on petty vengeance. I arrange for the techs that so irritated me to become violent, the shrink to diagnose them and the surgeon to docilize them.

I again leave a message for Uler so that we can discuss his conversation with the House Lords. I want to know what was said and don and also to give Uler a chance to explain why he is so pissed at me. He doesn't take the bait, just says that he called Mandor, Dara and then Tmer. The Lords wanted to kill me as they thought it would give them a better chance at Ghostwheel, a point I cannot easily debate. We go on to discuss codes, puzzles and psycho active drugs which may be useful as weapons against Ghostwheel. Uler also asks me to plant a spike for him to use as a Logrus anchor once we are through the gate.

23-Aug-96 Another call from Uler. He plans to modify the troops' suits to have suicide bombs. I keep some aside to act as close body guards.

We have the last council of war before the attack. I decide that it is best if I remain behind to monitor the troops and the progress of the virus creatures and Trump the others when the time is right. I get a mind screen from Mathias to reduce the chance of Ghostwheel detecting me and I set up a deadman switch of my own in case I am captured.

Finally all is ready. We go, Uler, Mathias and I, to the photo booth. Mathias and I go through, Uler will follow. Mathias manages to maintain his Pattern lens and we use it to transport near one of the Ghostwheel complexes. I drop the paper soldiers and Trump Alaric. Arvada comes through with the first of the troops. I feel a touch of Logrus and the contact breaks. Damn that Uler, he was early. And careless. I am beginning to move out with a formation of troops when I see Mathias fall. I go over and plant the spike so Uler will be able to find and rescue him. I try trumping Alaric as we retreat. No answer. I tell Arvada to start shifting out with him as I return to the troops. I stay in the vicinity of the spike for a short while to see if Uler shows before spreading squads far and wide.

The Combat continues but we continue to lose men and the enemy troops are endless. I see an Uler, but he turns out to be a fake. Fake or not I am discovered and a barrage of fire heads my way. The game is over and I flee while calling desperately on Alaric's Trump. It is too late of course. The enemy has been alerted and when the call is answered it is a smug Ghostwheel rather than Alaric. He says "Welcome back".

That is all I remember of the battle. I recover in a cold room. Naked and manacled. The only feature is a body with a metal object over it's head, connected by a thin cable to the wall. It lies on some sliding tray and I can tell little more as my senses do not extend beyond my skull, not thoughts, Pattern or power words. Even the Blond git is unable to take his form. I am annoyed at the failure as it might have provided a means of escape, but relieved not to be blond. Oh well. I guess I get to sit here for a while.

I hear the noise of a door, then perhaps a pressure seal. A short while later it feels warmer. Whatever the change I can no use my skills. Swiftly I break out and am considering the other captive when he strikes. The change has also freed Wesley. My body changes and he takes control. Given his usual unreasoning violence I am surprised when he decides to take the other prisoner. Not too soft hearted as he races down the corridor using the guy on the slab as a shield. The door is open and I see a booted foot. He grabs it and pulls the warrior inside, but it is still alive so he tosses it back and looks out the door. Meloche and Mathias are outside and lots of troops are shooting. He threatens them but the troops are their enemies too. Then something bad happens which makes them stop what they are doing and flee. For want of a better plan to escape Wesley follows them.

Once we are out of the shadow the laws change and the captive begins to suffocate. I make him an air hole and when I get sick of the whining I set him free. Bad mistake. It is Brand. He is nice enough to let us live. He seems to recognize me, but not either of the others. He departs and we must again flee to escape the shadow storm caused by the destruction or Ghostwheel.

29-Aug-96 We flee on foot, then on horse. The storm is still nearby but out flight is halted when we and out mounts slam into an invisible wall and crash to the ground. The impact kills the horses. From my stunned position I can see Alaric, Calvin, Uler and Arvada in their own pile nearby. That is not all. Dworkin is here and he is mad. The barrier must have been his doing. The Darth Vader act on Alaric certainly is, as is the swift and brutal mind ream. When I awake Arvada is looking over me. Why is it that I seem to have spent so much of the last few weeks unconscious? As people begin to recover the news of Alaric killing the Unicorn comes out. Uler is among the last to recover, but his first words are to abuse Alaric for jumping the gun and killing the unicorn before it was necessary. He was raising primal chaos when Ghostwheel attacks. He falls and Alaric over reacts and opens the box Uler had said to use only as a last resort. Uler insists that the unicorn he put in the box was already dead and Alaric denies knowing what Uler had in the box. Whatever. The Unicorn that came out of the box was very much alive, at least until it hit the pool of chaos.

Once everyone is back on their feet we continue shifting, there is no hurry now as Dworkin left us some place far from the storm. Or troubles are not yet over though. We feel a weird mental pressure and a short while later encounter a very pissed looking Fiona who drags us into an inn where we fin an equally annoyed Bleys with his drawn sword. There is much explaining with little good will and few worthwhile additions. Wesley continues to be a pain, harping on about wanting to execute Uler and Alaric for killing the unicorn. It is less than funny since Dworkin is probably still looking to avenge the death of Chloe. The is yet more bad news. Random has been attacked and Gerard is acting as regent.

We are all dragged back to Amber, Uler especially looks most put out. In Amber there are guards everywhere. Wesley is uncooperative and refuse to follow the steward to his rooms. Eventually Anna comes to drag him into the castle where he does his best to avoid capture but is soon strapped down and at the tender mercies of Bleys, Fiona, Mikal and Anna. They work for a time to put his aberrant mind back together, but acknowledge that the fix is only temporary.

Now that I am coherent again Mikal tells me that Tmer is dead. Assassinated by furies. Anna tells me that Brand is my father. I have waited a very long time to hear this. It is a pity I can take little joy in the knowledge, although I feel a little better about Brands escape. I would have hated to have been responsible for my father's death. Anna felt guilty about not telling me and has agonized over the decision, but feared that Brand would just use me like he did Martin.

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