2-Dec-96 Before he appears to render the verdict I speak privately with Random stating my concerns that my position as counsel for the defence has made it impossible for me to state my personal views. I inform him that if I feel it necessary I will do so after the sentencing.

The court reconvenes and Random announces that after the verdict he will entertain suggestions for sentencing. It is plain that this is a feudal court. Had we been in a shadow where the law is more formal the verdict would have been different. I can see Random's reasons, but the guilty verdict for treason is a definite stretch. With this decision Random is obviously setting up for a harsh sentence and providing as much deterrent as possible for future crimes. He is making it known that extenuating circumstances and other allegiances do no matter to the throne of Amber. By this ruling I, or even Uler could be found guilty of treason against Amber. I am sure that I have wasted my time, but I get ahead of the story.

Now the audience speaks their recommendations. Benedict demands death - Amber cannot be eternally vigilant against their threat if they are allowed to live. Eric also makes a good argument in demanding death. As agreed Bleys argues for moderation. Gerard wants their strength on the side of Amber, but suggests execution if they will no swear eternal fealty. Dworkin speaks most passionately, begging Random to be merciful and show that Amber is no longer a tyranny.

Now none remain save the defendants. It is time to say my part. Because of the treason verdict I must alter my speech slightly, then I stand and say :

The prosecution has proved it's case. The defendant's have done what they have done, as anyone can see. The prosecution need not have so belaboured the point - they freely admit their actions.

What the prosecution have failed to adequately address is whether their actions are in fact crimes at all. The prosecution has made reference to the atrocities of shadow tyrants and dictators, trying to deny the altruism of my client's motives. Had they thought a little more clearly they would have seen that these are exactly the kind of excesses of Lords of Chaos and Amber that the defendants sought to redress.

Nor has the prosecution shown any reason why the sentence in this case should break from precedent and be any harsher than that handed out to Ergraine and Armand. The cases are similar One might argue that the attempt to destroy the jewel is an equal or greater crime than the attempt to destroy the Pattern. In any case the motive was the same - the life of a father.

There stand here today, in this court, other members of the family who have in the past acted against the Crown. I will not name them or revisit past wrongs. That is not the point I wish to make. What is important is that they stand here today valued members of the realm without whose aid Amber could easily have fallen.

The defendants are not forsworn, nor have they murdered or even attempted to murder a member of the family. They may be guilty of lesser charges, but are innocent of these greater crimes which others before them have committed and survived. The defendants are honourable. They will observe their oaths and accept whatever sentence is passed upon them.

There is no more to say and I know it is not enough. Miranda has nothing to add and a little surprisingly Osric informs the court that death is the only possible penalty. I must admit he has balls. And pride. Goes nicely with his ego.

Random then announces the sentence. Miranda is to be stripped of the blood of Amber and placed in Dworkin's care. If the procedure fails she will be executed. Osric is banished for five years, after which he may return to Amber and swear fealty. Chaos has placed a price on his head and any of Amber or Chaos are free to seek his death.

I must admire Random. His verdict and sentence are both finely balanced and are suitably harsh that I am freed of the necessity of taking any personal action. I state as much in a note I send to the King. What annoys me is that I have been little more than Random's trained monkey. Miranda was right, the trial was just for show, or to be more correct it was to judge the opinion of the realm. My legal effort was irrelevant. Had there been no support from Gerard, Bleys and Dworkin it would have been a simple execution. Since there was at least a few dissenting voices he passed a well considered sentence that will appease most, especially those who would like to kill Osric personally. All without bringing any curses down on Amber. It makes me sick to see the gloating look on Meloche's face. I am sure that even if he had handled the defence the results would have been the same. I cannot fault Random, he is King and may decide as he sees fit, and his decision is far from unreasonable, but in this case he has broken far from his own precedent and I feel it like a slap in the face.

We receive message to attend Miranda's punishment. A solemn affair with many observers. I feel the irrational desire to pull out my harmonica and play a dirge. This is as close as you can come to an execution and still live. There is even a headsman. I wonder briefly at his purpose. Perhaps he is there in case the procedure fails. I do not have to wonder for long. Random walks the Pattern, then Bleys, then Corwin carrying a bound, gagged and unconscious Miranda and lastly Brand. All bear their Pattern blades. As Brand walks he gets slower and slower, the sparks around his feet diminishing. Eventually, little more than halfway he grinds to a stop. The storm builds above him and lightning strikes. Somehow he catches the bolt with his sword. It brightens and he begins to walk. By the time he reaches the end is slowing alarmingly again, but make it he does. I hear the other's wondering at this spectacle. Only a few know that this effort is hastening his death. I wonder how many of those are rejoicing? Had more known there would have been plenty cheering his difficulties.

In the center Miranda is laid out and all four strike with their swords as one. There is a blinding flash and now there are five aspects of Miranda. One by one they are taken to the executioner for beheading, until only one is left. This last one awakens and shrieks. She takes the form of a small pegasus and flies to Dworkin. She glances at the headsman's block in a puzzled fashion before Dworkin escorts her into his cave.

I wonder how acutely she feels the loss. I know a little of what it is like no to be yourself. When she was destroying the Patterns and we opposed her I hated her for what she sought to deny me and for the effort exerted in resisting her. During the trial I came to respect her and like her a little. Now I pity her and regret that I could do no more. I wonder at my own inconstancy. Have I changed that much. Am I growing soft in my old age? Has taking the Pattern and coming to know myself and my past changed me that much? I am largely sure Torset is out to get me and none can deny Merlin's hand in the death of many of my family, not to mention what his creature has done to one of my fathers, yet I feel more inclined to talk to them than kill them. To rationalise my choices I could say that duels and killings of the past have placed me in this trouble rather than solving my problems. But that never would have stayed my hand in the past. It does make me wonder.

Now that the majority of momentous events are over I schedule my party for the week after Egraine's wedding and send out the invitations. Perhaps I am being premature as the next day we depart to see the Serpent. I may not live to play the host. While we are assembling Dworkin asks us to help him find the real person responsible for Chloe's death. Hoping that this is the favour he mentioned I am the first to accept. The others are a bit slower in agreeing. Then Uler calls and we head for the pit. Suhuy appears via Logrus and gives us some silly shroud-like cloaks to wear, supposedly to protect us from the Abyss. We are whisked passed fleeting demon images, down into the chasm to the cave in a lone rock suspended in the blackness. There are a lot of guards posted here, probably in response to Orsic's attack. At little late, hmmm? The interview is short, no more than ten or fifteen minutes and not a word is spoken. We move through twisting passages until we see the glow of the Serpent's single eye. We remove the cloaks and it just looks and looks as if to say "So, these are the ones". After a time we don the cloaks and leave. Interview over. I suppose I am relieved. Had it done anything more I would have been at a loss to respond and I am rather glad to have survived. If only all my trials were as painless.

Suhuy deposits us at the edge of the Abyss, collects the cloaks and departs. We have barely begun to discuss where to go next when a dozen purple griffins swoop out of the pit and head toward us. There is little doubt that they are attacking and after briefly considering their attack mode I extend my lance. Uler disappears, Meloche's snake creature wraps around his foe and Mathias launches a lightning bolt at one. So, he is a sorcerer now? Pity his blast was ineffectual.

Now the battle begins in earnest. These creatures are incredibly resistant, even Starshine only penetrates their hide with difficulty. They are definitely not natural. Someone has definitely gone to a lot of trouble to enhance them. I allow one to impale itself then move on to the next which goes in similar fashion. The third forces it's way down the haft of the lance, reminding me that it is high time I added the option of tines in the fashion of a boar spear or spetum. It proves to be no problem however. I strike it under the chin with my hand to stop it biting me and am slightly surprised when it's neck snaps. Mathias and I dispose of the next. He seems to have enchanted himself a respectable blade and has developed a little skill in using it. Alaric is having a little more trouble and Arvada has fled. The last one is canny enough not to charge and gives me a few scratches before we finish it.

Out of curiosity I test both Mathias' and my blades on one of the carcasses and find they are similar. Perhaps I will have to discuss weaponry with him some day. Did I miss something or has he become competent of late? He even seems to have acquired some sense from somewhere. After a little investigation from our power mongers Mathias is convinced that they are the work of a Logrus master and Uler determines that I was the focus of their attack. Funny that. The griffin was Relfer's symbol. Uler retrieves Arvada from the ground and we retire to the Rift. Finally after many weeks delay I get to see Gareth. We discuss old times, catch up on recent events and I tell him some of the weird ideas I have had for items. It is good to finally see with my own eyes that he is alive and safe. He is moderately happy, but I can see that it chafes being hidden here in Uler's shadow. I offer to search him out a place of his own if he is prepared to take the risk. I'm sure he will think about it, and may accept as the length of his confinement grows.

After leaving I contact Paul and pay him a visit. Another conversation long overdue. He says that the terms regarding the children are part of the marriage contract and came down from on high. He is studiously neutral on the matter. It irks me that he is not more annoyed. I apologise for meddling in his affairs, but someone must protest, and in this case it seems that I am the only one who cares. I will have to speak with Arvada. And soon. I suspect she had a hand in this and I intend to get to the bottom of this and try to set things right.

Since I am dealing with family business I call Tarrant. He says that Anna is still away with Calvin, but she can be sent messages. I inform him of my feelings on the matter and ask that he send a message to Anna asking if she will recognise me. I insist that it must be Anna's decision and I make no request of House Jesby, but I have a bad feeling about having spoken with Tarrant and not directly to Anna.

A few days later it is the wedding of Egraine and Sinett. Many houses of Chaos are present, but notably Helgram, Hendrake and Sawall are absent. All goes well and afterwards there are the traditional bevy of announcements. Sarpendin announces an alliance between Varsh and Barrimen. Four septs of Tulmerac, Aiva, Gaddar, Mesjit and Birlith abandon the house and join Barrimen. The Duke of Aiva announces that Corwin is to be made Baron of Nevshehir. Gabrielle announces an alliance between Garafiesto and Barrimen and the return of ancestral lands. Meloche is made Baron of Camlan. The minor houses of Seraphim, Degan, Yavuz and Talha are also allied. Pendaren then announces his engagement to Rebecca's daughter Claire along with the Kathbad Duchy as dowry and the formal adoption of Uler as heir and first son, Duke of Arbar and Baron of Kathbad. The future of Barrimen is looking very rosy. All they need no is to get the vacant seat on the council. If they succeed at that then Junos had better keep a close eye on his claim to the throne or risk losing that to Pendaren as well. I would just love for Hendrake to lose a bit of status so I could pursue Torset a little more directly. A pity it was Helgram and not Hendrake implicated in Orsic's theft of the eye of the Serpent.

Oh dear. Now Tarrant and Anna stand and by the look on her face Tarrant has pressed the matter against my wishes. Now I have two acknowledged parents and I doubt either of them are entirely comfortable with the state of affairs. Damn that Tarrant. He was always clever and firm in his resolve, but since he succeeded his father he has become positively heavy handed. I don't know what he thinks he has gained by this, but he can count my enmity along side it. I hate it enough when my parents try to use me but I'll be damned if I'll let the rest of my kin think that I am fair game.

That concludes the momentous announcements. That have been a veritable flurry of them lately. Mikal presents Uler with his trump secretary and all is calm except for one minor incident when Gerard berates Meloche over some ship tax. I congratulate Claire on her engagement and speak with Anna in an attempt to undo the damage caused by Tarrant. It helps a little but she is still miffed. If only it could have been otherwise. Dworkin is anxious to be off on the hunt for Chloe's killer. With difficulty we put him off until after Orsic's banishment tomorrow. The party fades with the passing hours and eventually most of the guests depart or seek their chambers. I keep an eye on Arvada and divert her as she makes to retire.

She manages to resolve some of my doubts as to her motivation. I feel a little guilty as it seems that my demanding family in chaos may be partly responsible for the situation. She assures me that she will visit both children and that they will not be prevented from seeking each other out, just denies assistance. It is late and I decide not to press the issue, but I must find a way to improve the situation.

The next day at noon Osric is placed on a ship and sent into exile. Few words except from a dire warning from Benedict. He is barely gone before Dworkin is upon us and drags us off on his crusade. Actually I don't mind at all. I am inclined to help him and would love to know who spiked Uler's box. I would like it even more if the culprit turns out to be someone I don't like, like say Fiona for example. Dworkin already has a location in mind and swiftly takes us there. A tall tower stands in a sea of moving rocks. A giant transparent snake coiled about it's base. He says the villain Seraphina resides within. We must storm the place and bring her to justice.

9-Dec-96 I consider the best way to attack.. It will not be easy. Energy is being drawn from the sky and funnelled down about the tower to protect it from magic and powers. The snake is huge and has a protection to prevent psychic assault and it is far to strong and tough for him to kill it with a Logrus tendril. His attacks do however attract it's attention. It rears up and spits venom at us. Most are able to dodge or are protected by their armour, but Meloche gets splashed and promptly disappears.

I test the weapon board, this shadow is well shut down, nothing that would be sufficient to harm the snake is effective here. Perhaps ballistae or siege weapons, but that would take too much time and effort. Mathias and Uler pepper it with spells and cause it considerable harm. It writhes around and gets hit by some of the flying rocks, this wounds it even more. Once it has weakened and slows it's thrashing it is up to me to deliver the coup de grace. Uler launches me into the air and I glide down and impale it with my lance. The final convulsion hurls me high in the air. I regain control and glide back down. I prepare a few troops in case we need them later and then consider how to pass the rock field to reach the tower.

Dworkin creates a Logrus bridge and we begin to cross, sheltering from the arrow barrage behind shields. A rock collides with the base of the bridge setting off another chain reaction of collisions. We sprint the remaining yards to the tower and I ask Uler to hurl Mathias, Alaric and I to the top of the tower. He pitches us into the center near the collimator where we attend to the guards. Mathias seems a competent swordsman, Alaric less so and Arvada continues to be rather poor. We enter the tower and move down a few levels to another door, this one shielded by a magical barrier. Perhaps I am overconfident and did not consider the situation well enough, or maybe I just put a little too much faith in the strength of my armour. Either way I suffer for the lapse and there is some enchanted trap on the door. A very nasty one. Despite the impact I grateful when Alaric charges in and knocks me free.

Mathias conjures a ram and we demolish the door. There are many guards inside. I shoot one through the eye slits with a crossbow pistol. The move back against the wall to get cover but I get another one who is careless. I inform the others of my plan and then dive into the room, across the flaming old, flipping over the table and stepping into a corner where I will be better able to defend myself. Four of the guards advance. The first pair are very competent and fight well together. I can hold them off but it will take time to defeat them. I feel my scarab flare and melt against my scalp. I do not have time. I delay one with a pain attack, gut the other, erect a shield and cur low to cripple the other two. I am just a fraction late in returning to the one remaining uninjured opponent. He nicks me in the shoulder as I feel the power fall over me. I delay her just a moment with a power word as I dispatch this last one and then I falter. It is not over yet though. Dworkin and then Meloche come to my aid. I feel more like the battleground than a combatant as my strength fails and I do not get to see the outcome. I assume we won as when I awake Fiona and Seraphina, who is a cast out Ublanoffi Amberite worshipper long in Fiona's employ, are captured.

Dworkin returns us to Amber and deposits Fiona in the hands of the King. Arvada is still lost in Samrel's form. I could perhaps return her, but she would not listen to my warnings. I follow as "Samrel" goes to report to Benedict. He is not pleased and bawls her out but she is recalcitrant.

While we have been fighting days have passed in Amber. The seat of House Tulmerac is in dispute since the majority of it's septs have defected to Barrimen. Pendaren is adopted, made head and claims the council seat. The old Helgram seat is still open with no obvious claimants. Some minor houses are combining and forming coalitions in the hope of claiming it.

I would like to visit Miranda, but Dworkin is gone and I decide to let it wait. So I visit Brand and discuss swords, gems and Delazny. That night there is another attack by the demon thing. It is wounded but manages to kill more guards and escapes. Benedict is furious no doubt. I do not see the scene first hand as Samrel and I are down in the city drinking, reminiscing and lambasting Arvada. I do not stay out too late though, as I must make the preparations for the party tomorrow. All of the invited guests will be attending save Bleys and Anna, both of whose absences pain me.

16-12-96 The party goes very well. The guests, Brand, Gerard, Corwin, Benedict, Samrel, Alain, Dierdre, Feldane, Tarrant, Kendall, Paul, Torset, Gilva, Mandor, Thomas, Pendaren, Elise, Thora, Masalina, Jassra, Amira, Adilah and Osma arrive and I conduct them by carriage and horse to the Greek amphitheatre where the poetry is presented. Once everything is in full swing I read my selection which comprises the tragedy of a father who has to kill his son, a triumphant eulogy by the father praising his son's glorious death and my closing haiku :

Life is an illusion, it lies to us The pinnacle of a warrior's achievement Is to see truth through the shadows.

After the readings we return to an18th century English manor house for dinner and dancing. Drawing rooms have been set aside for private conversation and the appreciation art and calligraphy. It is interesting to watch the dynamics, even in this small select group. Pendaren is being very solicitous. He speaks to everybody, is very friendly and ensures no one escapes his company. Mandor is his usual charming self, but occasionally when not in conversation I see his expression cloud over. He is obviously preoccupied or concerned about something.

I manoeuvre to gain a moment alone with Torset. He is calm and self assured. I cannot read anything beyond his words. If I am to believe what he says then someone must have stole our forms to set up two entirely different meetings. His conversation was merely banter, while mine contained thinly veiled threats. He recognises neither the typewritten letter or the purple griffins. I tell him of my suspicions that someone is trying to set us against each other. He has nothing to add. Either he is innocent or is playing a devious and most un-Hendrake game.

Gilva is being very friendly. I wonder a bit at this as she has been a bit cold on our previous meetings. My suspicious mind briefly considers the possibility that she is helping Torset set me up. Possible, but I cannot live with such extreme paranoia. It grows later and the guests begin to leave. I escort Gilva out of Delazny and make promises to come and see some of her calligraphy collection. When I return Corwin is still there. Still relaxing in the same easy chair. I take a seat and we drink and smoke a while. He says something about it being dangerous to get involved with Hendrake women. I agree, but I have always walked a little close to the edge. He mentions something about Amberite worshipers which prompts me to tell him about Seraphina. We talk a while longer and eventually he to departs. I return to my castle and the day after visit Amber.

That evening there is another sighting of the demon, but no casualties. It is announced that Thomas will be married to Stasia of Varsh. Given his position and blood it is probably a wise political move to cement hit relationship with the family. I speak with Random and later with Tarrant about Arvada's marriage contract. Neither is in the least concerned about the arrangements. I agree that they are no unusual but it is looking more and more like Arvada is imagining things and made a bad decision or that she lied to me and has personal reasons, perhaps related to her upbringing as Mathias' twin, for the conditions. I will have to approach her again and see what I can learn.

The next even is Mathias' wedding. Simone's family are organising most of it and it will be a lavish affair. Mathias has not even decided on a best man. When we pressure him and hint at the stag party he tries to play it safe and chooses Alaric. The party is pretty lacklustre. Mathias has never been a party animal. We conspire. Uler suggests LSD. Eventually we prevail on Alain to get some more dancing girls and slip him a mickey. After that the party warms up a bit. In the early morning, only a few hours after I dragged myself off to bed there is a ruckus in the hall. I am instantly to the door, sword in hand. It is the demon again. I attend to the remnants of my hangover as I advance on it. It has Logrus tendrils and is fighting and flailing at the many guards. I force my way forward. Intending to strike one of the tendrils and disable it's Logrus. The thing is neither stupid nor insensitive. It senses the danger from Pattern and erects a defensive shield which will be less affected by my blade. Hacking through the shield would take too much time so I choose a different tactic. It is relying on the shield so when my psychic disrupt knocks down it's Logrus the thrust which follows finds its mark, severing the spine.

Uler assaults it psychically, trying to determine it's origin. As he does so the thing turns to slime and oozes toward me. I slash at it to little effect. Uler does something with the Logrus and sucks part of it up. I do not like to be oozed at so I hit it with a concealed RTF and begin to dismember it. I slow the assault as I realise that it has Alaric's features. Meloche is examining the scene with his lens. It seems that Alaric is currently without Logrus. This thing seems to be a physical manifestation of his Logrus imprint, which is somehow flawed. If we kill it then Alaric may suffer a fate similar to Miranda and never be able to use Logrus again. Uler releases the part he holds captive and I stand back from the thing. The parts turn to slime and do seem to be heading for Alaric. He stands still and permits the thing to contact him. It oozes into him and soon no trace of it remains. Yetch. I bet Alaric feels shitty. He came so close to losing his Logrus.

The next day is the big wedding. Nothing especially of note happens except for Gerard, with familiar blonde in tow, abusing Meloche again over some tax matter. Nothing, that is, until the wedding cake explodes flooding the ballroom with leaflets accusing Mathias of all manner of evil in Leshem. Some demagogue from his past trying to stir up trouble. Did a pretty good job too.

A day or two later I finally manage to catch up with Dworkin and ask about visiting Miranda. She is in her shadow. Dworkin Trumps me there, to the same glade where I fought the unicorns. This time things are a little more tranquil. It is difficult talking to her. I don't know her well enough to know how to talk around her loss. She saves me some embarrassment by broaching the subject first. We discuss her punishment, powers, morals and ethics. It is very quiet here and there are few visitors. I am sure she prefers the solitude, but I think it would help her to be able to get out an about so I offer her a shadow compass, set up a trail and arrange for one of my more entertaining merchants to visit occasionally. She seems pleased. I hope it makes her existence a little more palatable. I don't feel any guilt, but now she has been punished I don't want her to suffer needlessly.

After competing the path I return to Delazny and attend to business. I continue to monitor my spies and marshal the merchant corps. My investigations of the new holdings of the youngsters yields little of use. Meloche's income is mainly from ship tax, something that seems to pain Gerard but gives me little chance of affecting him. I suppose I can take comfort in the additional hardship the depopulation of Rebma has caused him. Alaric's lands are rather untamed so I ensure supplies are readily available to him. Arvada exports food and I have little interest in interfering at the moment. Mathias is a little further afield and has linked Leshem and Callantha with a shadow path. This must be the great evil mentioned in the anti-Mathias leaflets. Business temporarily taken care of I head off into shadow.

The subject of the search is the griffins and the lady who trained them. Brief research of Relfer's relatives reveals no likenesses so I will have to do things the hard way. I check my agents along the way but there is no news. After two days searching I find the reason : the shadow with the griffins is very local. There are no reflections with similar creatures nearby. There is an abandoned aerie. No servants. No personal effects or items of note. A few shreds of my clothing that could have come from Delazny. Probably snatched with a Logrus tendril, but I have a search conducted anyway.

I am about to give up when I notice that two of the griffins seem to react differently than the others. They seem to recognise me but will not let me get close. When I approach their nest they attack and I subdue them both and question them. The more intelligent of the two knows the name of it's mistress : Atalanta. I do not recognise the name. There were no other visitors. These were her first two test subjects, later discarded. She is definitely a conjurer and a Logrus master. I call Uler but get no reply. Fortunately Mathias has returned from his honeymoon and is able to come and investigate them for me. Nothing new is revealed and as usual I have as many questions as when I started. She removed everything else. Why not remove or kill these last two griffins? Why did she ever tell the thing her name? I feel it must either be a trap, a misdirection or she intended me to follow her trail.

As near as I can figure the time this all started about a month ago, around when I first walked the Pattern. Perhaps I was finally worth plotting against. I ask Mathias when he is going to make a proper sword for Alaric, but he is right, the lad can find his own easily enough. He just has to want to. As for Arvada, well, what can I say? She needs to practice, use her head and get creative with her shape shifting. Then she will be formidable. Until then she will be laughable. I thank Mathias and bid him goodbye.

Next I take out my Trump and call aunt Rebecca. I tell her about my conversation with Torset and ask if she has ever heard of Atalanta. She has not but raises the possibility that Relfer had a lover or fiancee. I knew of none, but it is worth checking. I call a gentleman in court records and ask him to look it up. Bingo. Relfer was engaged to one Atalanta or a minor Helgram sept. There was no dowry so it looks like a love match frowned upon by the families. I chit-chat with aunty an tell her about the little fracas with Fiona and her pet snake. When I suggest dinner she declines. Another hot date with her mystery man. Instead I visit Claire. She is out attending to the repairs of the castle. I watch her for a while then meet her in a drawing room. She is an attentive host but there was a distinct pause when I step in it by assuming she had Logrus. I had assumed her disinclination to study the arts was referring to sorcery. If I am to believe her she has no power at all. I will have to give this more thought.

Halfway through dinner Pendaren arrives. I wonder if Claire inherited her mother's deviousness. I find my tongue is wagging freely as I tell Pendaren about Mandor's preoccupation and Tarrant's reaction to Uler's grab for Barrimen. Perhaps she did put something in the wine. Even more interesting is Pendaren's interest in Meloches's ancestry. It seems he has come to an agreement with Junos. He will not contest the throne, though I wonder what the price will be? In any case this makes possible sons of Junos a very interesting point. Although I am reasonably certain about Meloche I only give Pendaren suspicions and hearsay.

All in all a very interesting dinner. Eventually I must depart. I make my way back home and consider how to approach the Atalanta issue. I must also speak with Arvada again. The wedding grows near and the situation is not yet resolved to my satisfaction.

I am not present on the day because of my hunt for the Griffin lady, but later hear that Random seemed concerned and preoccupied during the day and then at dinner he announced that Brand has died. The funeral will be in four days.

30-12-96 I am invited to be one of Paul's groomsmen. Fair enough. Removes the agony of choosing the right attire. Then there is the stag party to organise. I promise Arvada that he will live through the party and being a shifter he will look perfect at the ceremony irregardless of what we do to him. I again speak to Arvada about her marriage contract and offer to intercede on her behalf. She is not inclined to alter the terms despite my offer so I can only assume that most of it is her own idea. The contract is not too unusual and while I dislike the idea of the twins being separated there is nothing else in the contract I find objectionable.

I am back in Delazny contemplating the Atalanta problem when I receive an urgent message from one of my diplomats who is supposed to be in Amber. It is Uler - someone has been messing with Flora's son Gavin. They intend to interfere and want me along. He had a dream about a friend of his from earth showing her abduction. Obviously a set up. Uler finds her easily since she has Amber blood. Meloche nabs her and bails out to his shadow. We have only been there a short while when the black wall of a shadow storm begins it's march, so we beat a rapid retreat to Amber and hand the problem over to Random.

As I said before, I was not present on the day so when Random makes some passing reference to the funeral I am floored. I knew time was running out but I did not think it would be this soon. And then there were three. I excuse myself and go to view the body. He is very gaunt. The morticians have their work cut out for them. A lot of padding and make up will be needed to make him look presentable for the funeral. There is an open invitation to the funeral and the tomb is almost finished although Brand has left instruction for the epitaph to left blank and inscribed by the king in one years time. It is not easy to say goodbye.

I discuss Brand's death with Uler and later mention my progress on the Atalanta situation. I have a niggling suspicion that this is another set-up, either by Atalanta herself or by a third party.

At the funeral the only notable absentees are Julian, Calvin and Caine. Merlin is here, sitting with Corwin. I sit alone, until Gilva joins me. Nice of her but I am not in the mood for pleasant banter. I try not to be impolite, but I really would rather be alone. Then there is some weird commotion with Lord Hendin, and another with Gerard who manages to snatch a ghostly sword. He speaks with Mathias and Random. On his return Gerard glares at Uler. The story from Mathias is that both were accosted by a ghost from Tir who asked who was dead. The sword was a Pattern blade Mathias made for Uler. That would tie in with Uler's prior knowledge of Brand's death.

Random and Dworkin deliver eulogies. I see Rinaldo as he goes to view Brand. He is wearing Werewindle which I am sure raises a few eyebrows. His remains are cremated atop Kolvir. Though the fire does not burn down til after dark several remain to see the final chapter.

A week later the death of King Swayvill of Chaos is announced. Rumour has it that he has been dead for some time. The funeral will be in a few days. Some notable possibilities for the throne - Gramble, Mandor and Merlin step aside.

6-Jan-97 I mope about in Amber for a week. Brand's death bothers me, as doe the fact that neither he nor I made our relationship public. I suppose I should be grateful that we were reconciled and he died a hero of Amber. I doesn't make his passing any easier, nor did the looks of mingled relief and suspicion at the funeral.

Uler calls. He tells me of the shadow storm at Hendrake ways. Tarrant, Pendaren, Fiona, Mandor, Meloche, Gabrielle, Brathall, Junos and Marcus. All missing, presumed dead. Uler survived because he left on Hergan's Trump. This is bad and by virtue of being the sole survivor Uler is the prime suspect. The storm started in Hendrake and destroyed that an the adjacent shadows. Random calls a meeting where some of the information is presented. I suggest we follow the storm and check it's path, maybe some have been caught up in the storm or deposited in it's wake. Finally as the meeting is breaking up Random introduces the woman who has been seated on his left - Ariana, just an name, no background or explanation.

I call Gilva to inform her of the expedition, and I suppose to check if she is still alive. She is and was unaware of the disaster. Once I have appraised her of the details she insists on coming along. Corwin does not object. We reach the scene by another of Uler's ubiquitous Logrus tendrils. The he and Mathias scan the storm front. Mathias is the first to spot the survivors - Mandor and Despil. Both wrapped up in Mandor's Logrus and badly injured.

I begin to backtrack the storm path looking for survivors. I find many storm damaged bodies, nothing especially unusual, then some with more severe erosion, which is unusual. Next I find some identifiable bodies. Marcus and then Brathall. Others have found other bodies, most to eroded to easily identify. That accounts for the number at the meeting, but Gilva and I continue as far as we are able to see if any of her kin yet live. When the shadows become too weak to continue Gilva begin to search the flotsam of the destroyed shadows for survivors. She searches and searches even though she is exhausted. Pointless, but she needs to do this. When she can no longer stand I drag her away and make her rest. I choose a small country inn, light rain falling outside.

Uler calls and we speak privately. He suspects Dara and Mandor, and that he may be getting lined up as a scapegoat. They are going to investigate the bodies and scenes of other storms. I think it best that I accompany him. Gilva is in no mood to sit still and now is not the time to suggest that she be sensible. The damage to the bodies is consistent with Abyss energy, and Dierdre thinks that the rents that started the storms are Abyss related too. To her knowledge Pendaren, Suhuy and Shriden are all Abyss masters. Uler experiments and is unable to summon any Abyss energy or extend the rip. We move onto the next shadow. It is a distant Helgram holding. Salvitore, a Helgram Logrus master investigated the scene several months ago. Other sites on Helgram lands did not get bought to the attention of the council so Uler decides to challenge Juilus. He is not very helpful and after we depart Dierdre informs us that he too is an Abyss master. I think Uler just got shunted into second place in the suspect list. Uler appraises the council of our findings. When they attempt to contact Juilus they find he has locked up his shadow and is massing troops. Someone may have set him up, or he may be guilty. In any case we must attack. Corwin suggests we mass troops and let the Chaosites do whatever they think necessary. It will distract Juilus and his cohorts while we perform a raid to extract Juilus. As tight as he has locked the place down, we should have the skills to get in, and Dierdre may be able to circumvent his defences. It sounds like a plan, and better than slugging it out with armies for weeks while Juilus escapes down some bolt hole. I will arrange for some troops to aid the war effort, then we strike.

18-Jan-97 I spend a while massing armies on the Helgram borders to help keep them busy then we reconvene in Amber and take a trump back to Chaos. There Dierdre opens some really weird gelatinous portal which we squeeze through into a realm that looks like a black and white phot negative. We walk for a good distance and after a few attempts she opens another portal which places us somewhere in the dungeons of Helgram Ways. We have just passed through a thing called the undershadow, a trick she learnt from Brand. I decide I'd rather not know more. Her time with Brand resulted in other skills. The next is some form of mystical barrier which cloaks our presence, even from the questing Logrus tendrils. I take the lead and Corwin guards the rear as we go looking for Juilus. A guard almost blunders into us before he sees though the magic. I subdue and question him, finding that our enemies are located in the war room. Haven't we passed this way before? Most of the family, including Arcotti who used to be a tree, are there and guards are out in force. Since we are so well shielded we advance more swiftly toward our goal. The group of guards and demons guarding the door do not notice out approach. Uler warns me that one is using the Logrus. As his brow begins to wrinkle with puzzlement over his Logrus contact with the shield I lunge through the guards and slay him then fight my way back out as help arrives. Shortly all are dispatched and the doors broken down.

Inside, as expected, are all the Helgram nobles, including Atalanta and an unexpected Junos and Edric the mindless. Juilus levels a blast of Abyss at us, most escape relatively unscathed, including Uler who stands in the middle and manages to weather the blast. I am impressed. I am sure the opposition must be. Uler replies with lava and I follow the blast into the room disabling Arcotti's Logrus and killing Edric in short order. Atalanta sears me with a lightning bolt, the brunt of which strikes the downed Edric, turning him to ash. I finish her too, but she has unusual and powerful shifting. Tendrils stream out from the wounds and reattach the severed parts. I ignore her and assault Juilus, who has been doing unpleasant things to Uler with his Logrus. He tries to use Uler's body as a weapon, finding it ineffective he finishes him and drops the body. This gives me a moment to make a telling strike. The blow should have been fatal, except that he had some enchantment which diverted the thrust into the abyss and saved him. He defends with Logrus and he is too strong for me to dismiss him as I did Arcotti so I fight on a more physical front. A pain attach to distract and a light strobe to blind him the moment it takes me to leap past his shield. This time I strike flesh and bone. He falls as I pull my axe from his side and strike again. The next blow counter timed with a magic disruption to disable the spell which is his last act among the living as I hack at his fallen form. This one will not rise if I can help it.

Meanwhile Junos gives Alaric a torrid time until he takes his demon unicorn form and gets some assistance from Mathias. We finish of the resistance as Corwin and Dierdre retreat back down the corridor under the weight of the reinforcements. I help Corwin hold the line while Dierdre arranges our escape and covers the retreat with an Abyssal blast. We escape. Now that the battle is over it dawns on me that I was overzealous in my attacks and in my precautions to stop the captive shifters from recovering. Neither Juilus or Atalanta will recover. Now that we have decimated them I get the horrible feeling that this was all a set up and that we have killed the wrong people.

There is a big funeral in Chaos. Those who died in the storm are to be cas into the pit along with Swayvill. I tell Gilva "I got them, but I think I might have killed the wrong people". I begin to feel the blood on my hands. Bances of Amblerash reads the prayers. The Serpent appears and it is foretold that it will choose the King from among those who step forward and kill the rest. Despil nervously approaches the pit and then it is silent for a long time as no other comes forward. I can see Despil begin to breathe easier until distant footsteps slowly approach. In a long walk through the crowd Junos returns from the dead. I feel my hears stop in time with Despil's. Each of us apprehensive for different reasons, but both on account of Junos. At the back of the crowd Dworkin, Pendaren, Tarrant and Gabrielle also appear.

The Serpent considers a long while, nods to Despil who sighs out his last breath in relief as the Serpent snaps him up and departs. Gramble has some sort of attack. Dara looks ashen. We learn that Marcus, Gabrielle's brother, dies in the storm and Fiona was not among those who escaped with Meloche. Dworkin created the bodies to perpetuate the ruse, Pendaren held back the Abyss while Meloche created a world around them so they could survive. This final chapter dissolves the last of my pride in our successful assault. There was no one to avenge beside Marcus who I don not know and possibly Fiona who I do not care for. The scene with the serpent and what little we were able to extract from the captives implies that Dara and Mandor were behind the storm. In digesting Despil the Serpent found that he too has power over the Abyss.

A few days later Junos invites us to audience to thank us for out efforts on his behalf. Great! Another king owes me. Why do I feel like dirt? I am getting heartily sick of playing this game. I look back on the raid. The ferocious pleasure of slaying enemies. The glow of victory. And now the bitter taste of those last few murderous blows. I thought I had taught myself that lesson. I do not want any more cycles of duels and killing. Apparently I still have much to learn. If some event pushes the right buttons I jump. About yay high. The fact that I went to such trouble to avoid killing the guard on the stairs now seems like a sick joke. I take him out and kill him, bury the body and then go and have a talk with Benedict. I feel in need of some parental advice. I do not try to over explain the situation to him, I just let him talk. This will not be new to him.

First, you screwed up. The mission was to capture Helgram for questioning.

Second, you didn't screw up. Helgram deserved to die for what his son did to the Pattern. Even if Helgram didn't know about it, he is responsible for the actions of his kin, especially such catastrophically stupid actions. Also, his experiments with the Abyss indicate he could eventually be a threat to Amber.

Thus, either outcome - Helgram dead or Helgram alive - is acceptable to the realm (though Random wouldn't admit it). What's important then is this : were you in control of yourself when you killed him? Was this the outcome you desired?

"If so, then nothing more need be said. However, by coming to me, I sense that you're not pleased with the outcome. Combat is intoxicating. Once you've smelled blood, you just can't stop. I know; I've been there many times. When your enemies are using full deadly force against you, it is very difficult to restrain yourself and attempt only to capture them. But these are only excuses. If you did not accomplish what you sought, you failed. However...That your actions bother you afterwards I take as a good sign. There was a time when you wouldn't have given such deaths a second thought.

"When you get to the point where combat doesn't have that effect on you, you're either dead or so inured to the violence that you're really not quite human any longer. But the question is one of control. You have mastered the physical aspects of warfare. The most difficult thing to control is your own mind, your own heart.

You've obviously thought long and hard on these questions. Your attention to poetry and art speak of your attempts to reconcile your two halves. I think you are well on your way to finding that ability to control. Many consider me to be a heartless killing machine. To tell the truth, I'm not so bloodless and cold as they believe. But I learned a lesson more painful than the one you just learned, long ago, and that forced me to maintain strict control over my hatred and treat warfare as a business, rather than revenge or sport. I no longer seek out conflict, but when we are challenged I strive to eliminate the opposition as quickly and efficiently as possible. My cold, unfeeling image is carefully cultivated, though not completely accurate. Our enemies must believe that I will grant no quarter.

"On a more cheerful note: I didn't get a chance to tell you before Random introduced her, but Arianna is your sister. I have striven to hide my children from the court, but now that you've made your appearance, I decided that all of you should be revealed. The formal acknowledgment ceremony will be held in the near future.

The problem is not one of bloodlust (at least not of the immediate short term variety) or of failing to accomplish my goals. The problems are : I decided I wanted them dead, through a combination of hatred, revenge, fear and a desire to avoid them being freed with a lenient sentence. I judged too hastily, and in hindsight wrongly. Once I had them subdued I continued on and killed them. That was not battle, it was murder. any death, and particularly murder starts a cycle of death. Friends and family of the deceased will attempt assassinations and duels. More will die, perhaps even myself from this foolishness. Having killed the suspects there is uncertainty as to their guilt. Since they are dead it may be that we will never find the truth. All this is compounded by the collusion, or at least the lack of active resistance of friends and family I had thought more honourable. It is hard enough to see this fault in myself, it is even harder to see it in my companions. And finally, it may have been avoidable. Most of those we sought to revenge were not actually dead, but hiding. They hid their survival from us and believing them dead we went out seeking revenge. Were it not for the lies and politics I may have had the leisure to act more wisely. As it is, murder has been committed at my hand. The actions of my comrades and those we sought to aid is suspect. But in the end I am solely responsible for my actions. That I had thought myself better than this gives me pause. Will if learn this time, or will I again behave in a manner that is both unwise and dishonourable? truly believe

Benedict's advice is good. This is not something that anyone else can resolve for me. It is not something that can be forgiven, but his understanding helps. As does the wonderful news that I have a sister. Had I known I would not have let her collect so many bruises in the battle. Then again, she is her father's daughter. She asked for no quarter and gave none. It would perhaps have been unwise to risk her wrath by implying that she might need my help.

27-Jan-97 Uler and I start organising Paul's bachelor party. When I return to Delazny I take some time to investigate the reversed Pattern. Other than that it is now in colour and the Pattern is unbroken there seems little change. It is still small and looped and empty beside the one building and the occasional reflected Amberite in their younger years. Bleys and Fiona are still in the temple. They do not notice the passage of time and are simply awaiting the return of Werewindle for the next time of need. I ask what the need will be and they imply that I will return another time when I need to know. Damn I hate prophecies and portents. Especially one so vague as to be a prophecy of a future portent.

He has been away a lot, but finally I manage to catch up with Merlin. Maybe it is a reaction to my recent deeds, or perhaps just consideration for my father, but I find I can no longer hold to my resolve to kill him. How can I condemn him for his actions and his stupidity when I cannot hold myself blameless? The word is a harsh place. Perhaps the best any of us can strive for is to be without malice. None of us are without sin. Whatever my reasons, I tell him I no longer desire his death then turn and walk away. Unsure of whether I want him to hear or not I quietly call him brother as I take to horse and return to Amber then ride out the long path through Arden. For all that it belongs to the despicable Julian, the forest is beautiful. I daydream of violent hunts and waste a few days wandering shadow in contemplation, trying to discover my direction.

On a whim I go to Calantha to pay Mathias an unexpected visit. The flowers are impressive and the populace seem happy, if a trifle busy. New construction everywhere. In passing through a village I speak to a Baron who committed some crime against his serfs and is suffering in the stocks. He is unrepentant and strong enough, or craven enough to refuse my offer of a quick death. Despite his questionable character I almost like him.

When finally I reach the castle I discuss the assault with Mathias. None of this is his fault, but I am concerned that recent events might have changed him. His ideals might not match my own but it would pain me to see him compromise himself. He denies any change and I am relieved to find I believe him. That only leave my own weakness. I ask Mathias to watch me, and remind me of my convictions should I again act rashly. It is a little unfair for me to impose on him in this way, but it is a price I am prepared to pay for this little piece of insurance. I stay for dinner and the night, departing the next day. The Baron still clings to life, hoping to escape or be freed. I set someone to watch him. I will be interested to discover his fate.

The stag party is in Kendall's ways in Argent. Surprisingly Hergan and Chinaway of Hendrake attend. During the party I notice that Uler speaks with his uncle at length, then grabs Mathias with a Logrus tendril. What effect this has I am at a loss to explain, but his altercation with Hergan continues a few moments before both Uler and his uncle collapse. Hergan is the more seriously injured. Uler asks that Mathias and I accompany him as he visits first his father and then King Junos.

A price has been placed on Dara's head. Hergan was appealing to Uler for help. When he refused Mandor and Dara joined Hergan in attacking Uler, trying to force him to help in some attempt to seize the throne. Uler prevailed by some arcane means and managed to subdue Hergan. Uler suspects that Hergan is a construct, Mathias suggests he may be a blood creature. We decide to examine Hergan, but first we restrain him and examine Uler to ensure he has not been injured, altered or compelled by their assault. The Hergan creature is powerful and deep, but the memories seem to have been flushed regularly so there is little to uncover. Pendaren tries an enchantment on it, forcing it into a whirlwind form that I have seen both Hergan and Uler take before. There is little more we are able to learn, so Mathias and I return to the party.

A few more days pass, and then it is Arvada's wedding. This is by far the most unusual even we have had of late in that there were no assaults, attacks, disasters or other magical goings on. I suppose I should be relieved. Instead I just worry more about what I failed to notice. It is just not possible for such an occasion to be uneventful.

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