Hello.

I guess this is my website.

To your right is an old photograph of me. My years
as a teen model have made me very stylish.
Maybe you'd like to date me.

I wear glasses, This is so I can see.

This pleasant gleeful smile expresses my joy over
life's many perilous twists and turns. See my eyes?
They're blue, not the satanic pink they seem to be.

My outfit represents the triumph of individualism
over cookie-cutter corporate fascism and the perils
of allowing someone with no taste to wear cufflinks.

If you close your mouth tight on your thumb and
blow REALLY hard, it'll look like I'm gazing
directly at you in this picture, babycakes.

Maybe I'll wear this to our wedding.
Dare to dream.

Yes, dare to dream.

Better yet, don't.

Life is stupid. Set fire to crowded churches and kindergartens. Open fire in the mall during Christmas shopping season. Express yourself.

Hey toots, the fun happy stuffs I offer you is:

Admire and memorize: FINALLY! The official Feel The Bern/Bernie store is OPEN! Buy Fashionable Stuff! An online store featuring merchandise designed by MEEEE. All of it is based on my current favorite alter ego... My current Favorite alter ego! Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bernard VanDer. He occasionally has nightmares involving a crispy deep fried fetus. My Disneyland tribute. Immense. I've really lost my passion for this dump recently. I can't hit anyone without getting in trouble. I am currently writing a thesis (up, but still in progress as of early 2001) on the new-at-the-time "California Adventure" theme park in the Disneyland complex. You'll like it, I used dirty words. Haunted Mansion Holiday/Nightmare Before Christmas page up. Well over 100 photos on that page alone. My Liberace Museum visit. Scary. Concert review, 2000. Britney, you tramp. Art projects: Peetcam archive! Fall in love with me as you watch me eat. No, I won't hook it back up. Ever. La Parka. Yeah, I fuckin' wrote it. Who did you think wrote it? La Parka? Village People. In depth reviews of every Village People album, except the 2 I can't stand to listen to. Some unpleasant ass humor. Rock. A listing of the rockout concertizings I have done. Jury Duty. My online diary from May, 1997. Here because I like it and it still makes semi-valid points. My clay artworks. Demonic little friends to hug. Pay me enough and I'll give you one. "Mick Mars you one sexy so and so". A tribute to Motley Crue's decrepit guitar hero that I did in 1997 or so. Easily my favorite thing on the entire internet. Squeeky the Elf. My world famous creation. My merchandising empire. My dead elf. He currently lives on one of my shelves, alone and forgotten. Van Damme. Demonic elf. Yes, this is a goof. Yes, I did put too much work into it. Yes, I am obsessive when art projects catch on. UPDATE Geocities removed this site for some reason. Cowards!

Please come back soon and visit me. Better yet, die. Thank you.

!!!!!EMERGENCY!!!!!
In cases of developing a crush on Pete, CLICK HERE
!!!!!EMERGENCY!!!!!

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!!!!!A CRUSH! NO!!!!!
If that last one didn't work, this almost certainly will!!!
!!!!!!OH GOD NO!!!!!!

I'm 79.5% Senator Palpatine, baby.

Yeah, so?

11/18/01.
Being sat upon after watching a retard get saran wrapped and whipped.

Not so recent, August, 99.
It's pretty representative of my usual demeanor, however.

For no reason. May, 99.