MENS SPOT
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100
men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained
weight, talked excessively without making sense, became
emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
never be
able
to support you.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told
me..."
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're gonna
to want to shoot it.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%
Wedding cake.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, wedding Ring, and suffeRing.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the
TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
A six pack.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife
wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
GIRLIE SPOT
How many honest intelligent, caring men in the world does it take
to do
the dishes?
....Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
...He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
.....They don't have time.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
..... They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
....They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human
being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
....He buys two cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
.....The bonds mature.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
.....Nobody knows; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
good looking?
....They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
night?
...A widow.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
.....Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed
......Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to
the fridge.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
....Put the remote between his toes.
What did God say after creating Adam?
....I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after creating Eve?
....Practice makes perfect.
How are men and parking spots alike?
.....Good ones are always taken.
....Free ones are mostly handicaped or too small.
What is one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
.....They are all married.
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