Enjoy!
10 Ways To Drive Your Karma & Curb Your Dogma
Installing Love
Swami Beyondananda’s Guidelines for Enlightenment
2. Remember that each of us has been given a
special gift just for entering.
So you are already winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is
Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you,
and you tell a vision to me. That way,
if we don’t like the programming we’re getting,
we can change the channel.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative
to develop.
And, no matter what adversity you face, be reassured:
Of course God loves you,
He’s just not ready to make a commitment.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy
thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between
the ears,causing a condition called truth decay.
So be sure to use mental floss twice a day.
And when you’re tempted to practice tantrum yoga,
remember what we teach in
Swami’s Absurdiveness Training class:
"Don’t get even, get odd."
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our
attachments and truly live like nomads.
That’s where I no mad at you, you no mad at me.
That way, there’ll surely be no madness on the planet.
And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here,
a little peace there, pretty soon all the pieces will fit
together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted
for the future, so if you’re looking to avoid
earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a
fault, just don’t dwell on it.
8. There’s no need to change the world.
All we have to do is toilet train the world,
and we’ll never have to change it again.
9. If you’re looking to find the key to the Universe,
I have some bad news and some good news.
The bad news is there is no key to the Universe.
The good news is it has been left unlocked.
10.Finally, everything I have told you is channeled.
That way, if you don’t like it, it’s not my fault.
And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy.
So you don’t have to go through channels.
Top
The sparrow thought it was the end of his life, but the manure actually
defrosted his wings. Warm and happy and able to breathe, he started to
sing. Just then, a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping,
investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the
chirping bird, and promptly ate him.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
Top
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
HEART
ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.
Is it
okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your
current operating system It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will
no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOWESTEEM.EXE
with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to
completely
turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE
from being
properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.
Do this
as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been
completely erased.
Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is
that normal?
CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for
the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need
to
begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS".
What
does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
LOVE
program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your
HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in
non-technical
terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE"
others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them
to the
"MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT,
and
GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin
patching
any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all
directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it
is
completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
SMILE.MPG
is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM,
PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running You should be able to handle
it from
here. One more thing before I go...
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they
will return some really neat modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thank you for your help
10 Ways To Drive Your Karma & Curb Your Dogma
1. Be a Fundamentalist; make sure the Fun always
comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation
comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track
has been provided, and the reason why we are
put in the material world is to get more material.
Have a good laughtsitive twice a day, and that
will insure regular hilarity.
A LESSON IN LIFE
2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. Sometimes, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, it's better to
just keep quiet.
Installing Love