Blood and Portugal - 1/10/01

I'd write more often if I had better news. The best thing I can say about today is that it is Sybil's birthday and she's not as depressed as she has been recently. She also looks a bit better. But I should catch up first.

After the debacle of our New Hampshire trip, when brain tumors postponed our return and made our visit there a burden, I swore I wasn't going on any trips with Sybil until I was sure she was well. Unfortunately, I let her wear me down and talk me into another trip. It's hard to say "no" to her. Plus we both dearly want to have some sort of a normal life and don't like to believe that we can't do things the way we used to. An additional factor is that last April we were a day away from a long awaited trip to Portugal when Sybil's bone mets was first discovered, canceling our plans.

So, to keep the tale short, we wind up in Portugal for the Christmas holidays and at first it's not too bad despite some rainy weather. We eat some good food in Lisbon with our new friend Ana. Then we visit the holy shrine at Fatima on one of our few sunny days. After praying in the church we walk out to the area where the children were supposed to have been visited by the Virgin Mary. While I have great respect for the faith of the people who come to this place, I don't buy the story of the four revelations that were supposedly given to the children there. Many of you will remember that the Pope recently visited Fatima, where he revealed the fourth and final secret revelation (his assassination attempt) to the world.  Anyway, as I said, I don't put much stock in these stories. I am soon punished for this. I take my glasses off to clean away a spot and they completely fall apart. They cannot be fixed and I will spend the next (need I say rainy) day obtaining a new pair.

And it got much worse after that. In Sintra (even rainier and more unseasonably cold than Lisbon) Sybil nearly collapses after walking up a flight of stairs. I hike alone in the verdant hills Byron so admired and spend long periods of time taking care of Sybil in our hotel room. We return to Lisbon, hoping to reschedule our return flight, but are thwarted by a snowstorm in the States and the holiday season. Sybil spends several boring days in bed watching CNN while I forage for provisions and try to drown my sorrows in Dao and Douro wine.

Returning is very arduous as we have several connecting flights and Sybil is confined to a wheelchair. We are very fortunate to get back and immediately schedule a blood transfusion. We were originally going to hold off on this for a bit but Sybil is clearly too weak and anemic. This doesn't go too badly. It takes a few days to kick in and Sybil is still bedridden, but she looks somewhat better to me. We're hopeful that her strength will return.

The big blow came yesterday with her latest CAT scan results. Her tumors are growing again, eliminating the gains we had with the good report two scans ago. She has additional bone tumors as well. It was grim news for us and a very, dark day indeed.

But today is a new day and, as I said, Sybil's birthday, so we're not going to be despondent. Sybil has decided to go back on the Dexamethasone steroid she was using before the positive CAT scan result. She's also increasing her Cytoxan chemotherapy.

Last night, in a black mood, Sybil told me that she didn't feel people were praying for her any more. I tried to assure her that this isn't the case. I plan to redouble my efforts.

Matt Donath

Mdonath@yahoo.com