Sybil was extremely weak but in very good spirits yesterday. She received many visitors and took a few phone calls. I read some passages from Julian of Norwich's "Showings" to her that dealt with finding spirituality during a time of trial. She had a very peaceful day with family and friends.

About a year ago, around the time of Sybil's mets, I noticed a growth on my tongue. Perhaps because of the timing of its occurrence, I've always associated it with Sybil's cancer, even though it is unlikely to be malignant. Yesterday I had it removed, which turned out to be unexpectedly difficult. The surgery was routine, but for some reason, while the doctor was stitching up my tongue, I suddenly became faint and passed out.

I do have a history of passing out while giving blood, but this hasn't happened for a long time and I didn't expect to have a problem with the tongue surgery. The difficulty arises when I struggle to regain consciousness. I have a terrible panic whenever I come out of these. It seems as though I can't breathe. Ironically, it feels as though I'm dying, or more accurately, struggling to keep from dying.

It's quite a horrible experience and I'm always left drenched in a cold sweat and extremely nauseous. It takes me some time to fully recover. An extremely painful tongue is my unwelcome companion.

So, I can't talk very well today and there are many phone calls I haven't returned. I promise to get back to everyone eventually.

The day before yesterday I encouraged Sybil to forget about trivialities and get herself into a spiritual state. I think she's done a great job of this.

Matt Donath

Mdonath@yahoo.com