Here are some of the jokes that I found on the net which I thought was funny.. I hope it makes you laugh as it did me...
Strange Ailment
This guy goes to the doctor and says,
"Doc, I ache all over.
Everywhere I touch it hurts."
The doctor says, "OK.Touch your elbow."
The guy touches his elbow
and winces in genuine pain.
The
doctor, surprised, says "Touch your head."
The guy touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doctor asks
him to touch his knee
and the same thing happens.
Everywhere
the guy touches he hurts like hell.
The doctor is stumped and
orders a complete examination with Xrays, etc.
and tells the
guy to come back in two days.
Two days later the guy comes back
and the doctor says
"We've
found your problem."
"Oh yeah? What is it?"
"You've broken your finger!"
Yuppy
A yuppy opened the door of his BMW,
when suddenly a car came
along and hit the door,
ripping it off completely.
When the
police arrived at the scene,
the yuppy was complaining
bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"OFFICER, look what they've done to my Beeemer!!!" he whined.
"You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!"
retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW,
that you didn't even notice your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"OH MY GOOODDD!!!!..", replied the yuppy,
finally noticing the bloody
left shoulder where his arm once was,
"WHERE IS MY ROLEX???!!!!!
Top Ten Rejection Lines Given by Women (& What they actually mean)
1.I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo playing geek in Deliverance.)
2.There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to "do" my Dad.)
3.I'm not attracted to you in that way.
(You are the ugliest dork I ever laid eyes on.)
4.My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you to spend the whole night because you might hear the phone calls from all
the other guys I'm seeing.)
5.I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a pint of Ben & Jerry's.)
6.I don't date men I work with.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system let alone the same building.)
7.It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
8.I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
9.I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only dorks like you.)
10.Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I
meet and have sex with.)
Cowboy
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been
stolen.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air,
catches it
above his head without even looking
and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?"
he yelled with surprising
forcefulness.
No one answered.
"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER,
AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE
BY
THE TIME I FINISH,
I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!
AND I DON'T LIKE
TO
HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside,
and his horse is back! He
saddles-up
and starts to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks,
"Say partner, before you
go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home."
