Highly Offensive Jokes

Includes Blonde Jokes, Racial Jokes, Gay Jokes, etc.

Blonde House Painter
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and hos all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said, "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme
On An Elevator
A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator. On the 3rd floor a man gets on who is just perfect; 3-pc suit, great built, nice butt. Unfortunately they both noticed, he had really bad dandruff. The man exited the elevator at the 5th floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and she said, "Someone should give him head and shoulders." To which the blonde replied. "HOW DO YOU GIVE SHOULDERS?"
The Bet
A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a commercial. The brunette says, "I bet you $20 he's going to jump." The blonde agrees. Back to the newscast: The man jumps. The blonde says, "OK here's my $20." The brunette says, "No, that was too easy. I can't take it." The blonde says, "I insist. I lost." The brunette says, "I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet. The blonde replies, "I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice."
How The Blonde Got 2 Red Ears
Doctor: What happened to your 2 red ears?
Blonde: While I was ironing my dress, the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead.
Doctor: Oh dear! What happened to your other ear?
Blonde: The son-of-a-bitch called back!
This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it anymore she called out to the blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?" The blond in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an ocean of wheat." The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. "It is blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!" The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again. The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field yelling, "If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"
The Coke Machine
A blonde is over at this Coke machine putting $.50 in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the coke, putting in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the coke, putting in her pockets. After a while she has a coke in every pocket. She keeps going, stacking the cokes around her on the floor. Finally, the guy behind her, getting pissed off, asks her, "What are you doint?!" She responds, "Duh, I'm winning."
Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?"
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little envelope.
How do you keep your blonde secretary occupied?
Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them.
What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window?
Refueling
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to retrain.
Poem By An African Man
Dear white fella,
Coupla things you should know
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.

You white fella
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray.
And you calling me colored?

What do you call a gay on roller skates?
Rolaids
Help!
2 gays were walking on the beach when they saw a man drowning in the water. One of them rescues the guy, swims the victim back to the beach and then asks the other, "What should I give him, First aid or Aids first?"

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