For the past couple of weeks, the world has mourned as it has saw one of the five world renowned 'Spice Girls' flee from the flock of Girl Power, transforming the band into a fab four. However, rumors have circulated like wildfire as to the possible replacement for the newest member of the group. To help all those lonely 12 year old fans, I have compiled a list of most likely candidates.
Kathie Lee Gifford
Enthusiasm, charisma, sweatshop. These are all words that you want to instantly pop into your head whenever you think of one of the Spice Girls. Who better personifies this?? Kathie Lee of course!!! This feisty red-head has dealt with everything from an short, annoying hack of a co-host to midnight romps involving her husband, and an airline stewardess. She has experience singing on numerous Christmas specials, and is good with kids. If she can't deal with the millions of 12 year old screaming fans, she will ship them off to Honduras to produce her newest line of clothing. She really IS a worldly person. Perfect to portray GIRL POWER!!!
Pamela Anderson Lee
This bouncy blonde has a lot to add to the group. In addition to about 10 pounds of silicon, 2 pounds of calogen, and 5 plastic surgeons of speed dial, she's perky!!! Her unmistakable presence has guided her on screen and will now propel her on stage! Furthermore, she will expand the fan base beyond that of primarily females, luring guys to the world of women musicians. Millions of guys will attend concerts just to see 'Jiggle Spice,' as she will be known and ticket sales will soar! A good choice indeed!
Leonardo DiCaprio
This blonde beau has the look, and the charm of a Spice Girl going for him. Just let his hair grow a little more, get him set up on hormone shots, and he's in! He already has the majority of adolescent girls swooning over him. When he joins forces with the group, his power will be immense, no matter his singing talent! Well, if this doesn't work out, at least he could be the 4th Hanson brother?!? Ah heck, with this guy in the band, you have control over every adolescent girl on the face of the Earth. Who couldn't use that kind of power? *shrug*
No matter how you slice it, these three are the best candidates since sliced bread. Don't deny it, just decide who has the best chance, and place your bets. You know ONE of them has to win, continuing the tone-deaf sirens legacy FOREVER!!! (Yes, now you can panic.)