Adam and Eve Vs. Technology



by Tim Adams

Did you ever think about what would happen if Adam and Eve had all the modern technologies and conveniences of today? One day I did and found the things that they might encounter both hilarious and horrifying.

Convenience #1: Shopping Malls

What would happen if Eve worked in a shopping mall? She would probably work at the courtesy desk. To announce sales she might be like, "Attention Mall Shoppers, um.... I mean Attention Adam.", and mope because her only hopes of profit were limited to one unemployed mall-wandering man.

And if she said something like,

"Attention Adam, men's Speedo Underwear, Blue Light Special on Aisle 13", he'd come back all irate.

"I can't believe you just did that! That was soooo embarassing! Never do that again!"

So then she'd have to apologize and say she's sorry. If she really wanted to mess with his head, she would apologize over the intercom.

"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to embarass you. I'm sure nobody cared. It's okay."

"Stop it! Eve! You're doing it again!"

Convenience #2: Internet Chatting

Sometimes, when Adam wasn't getting enough at home, he might go online and find a cybersex chatroom. He wouldn't have much choice of who to talk dirty to, since there would only be one other person on the chatroom. Their conversation might go something like this.

*Ad#1: Hi. What's your name?
*Ev#2: Um.... Evelyn, what's yours?
*Ad#1: Uhhhh..... Ad... Uh.. Adventurous, yeah that's it, Adventurous.
*Ev#2: Nice to meet you Adventurous.
*Ad#1: Thanks. If you don't mine me asking, what are you wearing?
*Ev#2: A nice, skimpy, blue nighty. Kinda Lacey.
*Ad#1: Wowee! My wife has one just like it.
*Ev#2: You're married ?!?
*Ad#1: Yeah. But my wife is a real nag, so I got on here.
*Ev#2: I know what you mean, my husband is dumb as they come. Plus, he's a real whiner.
*Ad#1: I get that too! Take out the trash! Find some new fig-leaves. Blah Blah Blah!
*Ev#2: Exactly! But I think my husband has Honeydew Syndrome.
*Ad#1: What is Honeydew Syndrome?
*Ev#2: "Honey do this! Honey do that!" Like I said, a real whiner.
*Ad#1: So, is he, your husband, home right now?
*Ev#2: Actually, he is, but he is on the computer in the Den.
*Ad#1: Hey! So am I! That's weird, my wife is on the computer in the bedroom.
*Ev#2: So am I! That is such.. a... coincidence....
*Ad#1: Wait a minute......
*Ev#2: Hold on here.....
*Ad#1: ................
*Ev#2: Adam!!!!!!!!
*Ad#1: Dang it Eve!
*Ev#2: What are you doing?? You sneaky little whiner!
*Ad#1: Nothin'..... I mean nothing!!!! You cold hearted nag!!!!

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