Back to the Monologue Page!
Back to Tim's Page!
What is the deal with midgets?? I am not just talking about the people who had some genetic disorder because they lived next to a nuclear reactor when they were little and didn't grow, but the other short people too! You know, the people who are supposedly 'average height' when in fact they just wear platform shoes to try and boost their self esteem. The ones that make really bad jokes about 'you always know the weather' when in fact you were the one rejected by the coach for the basketball team. These people have problems.
I mean, some people are so sorry that they are short, that they start making excuses. 'Oh yes, my family did come from England actually!' Does anybody actually stop and say, you poor thing! I'm so sorry your ancestors pretty much screwed you over in the gene pool. Others blame it on the stuff they ate as kids. I didn't eat my vegetables when I was smaller. I was given coffee when I was little. I had too much soda pop with caffeine in it. Hello?!? Like that is gonna make a difference. So, let's all take a time machine back 20 years and snatch away that Yahoo! little Jimmy had on April 4, 1983, and he will be the next Shaq when we get back to our time again. Sha right!
However, when we look at the other end of the spectrum, we see that the tall people aren't much better off. They always get bad jokes told to them. Horrible ones, about the weather, the clouds, ones about airports and of course the worst all involve the metric system. How do these people handle it? 'Course when you are 6'9" and make 25 million dollars a year, I think that you can handle it any way you want.
Think for a minute, with me, what would happen if all the tall and short people in the world had a war?? Would the tall people be swinging and missing simply because they had to bend over to fight?? Would the short people make lasting flesh wounds by biting the tall people on the knees?? Could you see 'the whites of their eyes' without getting a creak in your neck?? Instead of the 100 year war, you could call it the 100 inch war.
Then, heck, who would ultimately win?? You know that individual battles would probably be won just because of the different elevations and plateaus the little guys fought on. Plus, for fun, you could have the average height people stand on the sidelines and make bad puns about height. However, aside from the battle, who would win the war? No ones knows. I think that until we see just how bad the jokes affect the self esteem of the armies, we may never know.