How long does it take to get through customer service. I mean come on. I sit on the phone line for 2 hours, listening to crappy music, hoping and praying for my chance to get to talk to someone. A real person. Not some machine, not telling me I need the exercise that the equivilent of pressing 2 on my touch tone phone will give me. And then, the nice lady comes on, and I'm SOOOOOOO happy to talk to her. But she just snubs me, yep, back on hold. Shows what high bearings those technical service people hold in regard for their customer.

"Can you hold?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Thank you."

And you always know the tone of that thank you. It's not thank you, you've saved me the horrendous work of dashing around the office to find someone who fits your individual need and whim and helps to feed my 8 starving kids at home. It's more of a yeah buddy, you better hold or I'll go postal on all the people in my cubicle and have your voice ringing in my head as I descent toward hell and you will be the one to blame. Just say yes.

"Can you hold?"
"Ummm... I was kinda hoping..."
"Thank you."

Yeah, there they go, smashing all your hopes and dreams away in one little gash of the knife. Gone.

You never noticed that your ear could sweat did ya. Not until it was pasted on the receiver of your phone for 2 hours anticipating that next note in the elevator music and hoping the music would end and a beep and transferred call would end all of your time wasting and suffering. You know that music. It's caused wars. People have died for less. Jumpy and happy and trying to get you to forgot that you've only heard it 20 times before. Probably written by some starving musician who couldn't get to Radio City Music Hall, so he settled for composing snappy tunes and jingles for the customer service hotline.

"Can you hold?"
"NO! I can't hold, I've been on hold for the past 2 hours listening to your pasty music in my head which I have memorized and am planning on singing at my son's Bar Mitzvah. That or shooting all my postal working while humming the tune and making sure I sing it as the police SWAT team envelopes me in lethal tear gas."
"Thank you."
Click.

So much for fighting back against the system. But we must keep fighting. The eternal struggle!

Back to the Monologue Page!