Jen,

First, you should know I have really embarrassingly bad handwriting, so I'm going to type instead. Now that I've gotten that awful admission out of the way...

I really like you. In a completely goofy, high-school crush kind of way; I think about your shining eyes and your sexy voice and the smile breaking across your face like the sunrise over the sea. There's nothing I would like more than to know you. I'm not even sure what it is I'm asking for; I know you have every reason in the world to doubt me, to think I'm crazy, or insincere, or just some stupid tourist with a crush, or just another man who wants something from you that you can no longer risk losing, and you can tell me any of these things. You can tell me it's stupid, it will never work, I don't know anything about you and you even less about me, you can tell anything and I'll understand and listen, but you can't tell me you don't want to know too. Somewhere inside you, just like inside me, something happened when we saw each other. Something happened when I looked into your eyes, and when I held you in my arms that had absolutely nothing to do with the club, alcohol, lust, infatuation or anything like that: you can tell me any number of reasons why you shouldn't care but you can't say its because you don't want to. 

And even if you do, even if you say it was an act, and I'm just proving how silly and naive I am to have believed anything more could come of those few moments we had together, I don't care. I don't want anything from you. I don't want you to open your heart when you just know it's a sure way to get it hurt. I know you've been hurt, you've left your heart out for all to see only to get it broken, and I know this because I've done the same thing, Lord I've done it enough that you'd think I'd know better by now. But what I do know is this: I was supposed to find you, and now that I have I don't plan on letting things like distance, time, fear, sensibility, or anything else get in the way. You can tell me to leave you alone, and you can tell me you never wanted any of this, and I'll abide. But until I know, until I hear it certain from your heart that you don't want any of this, I'm going to write you every day. Some days long and luxurious ramblings, some days short notes to let you know what I'm thinking. Some days I think I'll hot be able to get your soft kiss off my mind, and some days I suspect I'll wonder what it is I'm doing pestering a lovely young woman from far away with my pathetic attempts at romance, but this is what I can do to know you now. 

It must seem strange and scary to you. It does to me. And you have more than just your own heart to protect, you have a daughter you love and would do anything to keep safe, and you can't take chances like just anyone else, you can't say you met a romantic stranger one magical night and threw caution to the breeze and followed your heart because that's the way the storybooks go... I know this all. You don't owe me anything, not a word, not even a reply, not anything at all. If something does come of this, and you want to know me too, I would be the happiest little puppy-love addled goof in the whole Northeast, but even if not, it's worth it. It's worth it to let you know how I feel, and worth it for you to know there's someone out there who thinks you are simply the most spectacular woman he's ever met. 

It's something in you, Jen, some light that glows from inside that I saw when we sat together and the rest of the world fell away vanishing like ghosts at night. I see in you an amazing person with a heart as big as a house, with a heart so full of love it hurts to hold it in, and that's the thing about you that makes me do this, and will keep on.

This is probably going to be all too much to digest at one time, so I'll save the rest of my clumsy poetry for a later date (I bet you had no idea the tongue-tied gent you scooped up was such a babbler, eh? It gets worse ;) Write or call if you want; I'd love to hear from you, but if not, that's OK. I'll just keep writing, and you do with the letters what you will. This is a first for me; I've never just handed my heart over to someone without expecting anything in return, and you know the most astonishing thing? It feels great. Just to know I can tell you you shook up my entire world, and made me remember what it was like to fall into someone's gaze so far you can barely find your way back out, just to be able to tell you how special I know you are, that's as good as love right there. So I hope you enjoy it: you've earned yourself a genuine suitor! I've never been one before, so let me know if I'm doing it right (should I be sending candy, or flowers, or junk like that?) That's it... now I have to pretend to go back to work and not think about you :)

Sean
6/17/2002

Top ten possible reasons for Jen to ignore Sean completely:
10. Sean lives in Boston, Jen lives in New Orleans, and long-distance relationships never work because you don't get to see each other.
9. Jen doesn't really like Sean; she was just acting. 
8. Sean doesn't really like Jen; it was just lust, and when he really thinks about it, he'll realize it was silly.
7. Jen is actually militantly lesbian, and idiotic men like Sean are a perfect example why that's a good way to be. Sean is secretly gay, and that's why he's still single despite his advanced age.
6. Sean doesn't know anything about Jen (other than she looks really beautiful late at night on Bourbon Street), and when he actually knows her he'll change his mind and leave her wishing she never bothered.
5. Jen has a daughter and responsibilities that Sean can't possibly know anything about, nor want.
4. If anything developed between them, Sean would want to change Jen: her job, her life, her hometown, everything... as men usually do.
3. Sean wouldn't consider moving to New Orleans, and Jen wouldn't consider moving to Boston, so why bother starting something that isn't going to work?
2. Everyone Jen knows will tell her it's crazy, and it can't be real, and she needs to be smart and not get herself hurt, and everyone Sean knows will tell him he's a fool, and he doesn't even know this girl, and he has to start thinking with his head and not his heart.
1. Sean is really really old, and Jen is not. 

Now, let's review the top 10 reasons why it's worth a shot anyways:
10. Long-distance does make everything tougher, but Sean has 6 weeks of vacation a year, friendly neighbors to watch his dogs when he's away, lots of frequent flier miles to build up, and a genuine fondness for airplane food, long weeks away from work, enough money to spare, a real knack for writing letters and free long distance on his cell phone that he'll never be able to use up any other way.
9. Jen may have been acting a little. Sean may have been immediately attracted to Jen just from seeing her on stage. But the two people who talked, and hugged, and smiled like shy schoolkids, and kissed ever so sweetly and gently at the end of the night were either really stunned by each other, and genuinely smitten, or were both incredibly talented actors who should stop what they are doing right now and run off to Hollywood to become huge stars.
8. Sean is really cute. And funny. And has two adorable dogs. He's loyal to a fault, and patient, and passionate and caring. Jen is adorable and has eyes like the sea after a rainstorm. She's loving, and smart, and funny, and vivacious, and is a great mom.
7. Trust me: neither of those two are gay. Anyone who saw Jen hop up on Sean's waist and wrap her legs around him would attest to that. There may be many things that don't match up about these two, but chemistry and heat ain't one of 'em. 
6. Sean can't wait to know more about Jen. Good, bad, indifferent... the best part of meeting someone you like is looking forward to finding out more about them, and sharing with them all the good stuff, and all the stuff you wish wasn't true, like how your own parents broke your heart before you were too young to understand why, and how you had dreams for yourself when you were younger that just seem to slip through your fingers, and how you look at your life somedays and wonder what it is God wants from you, and why it can't be easy for you like it is for other people, and how much you hope someday you'll find just one person who tells you, "it's okay, baby," and you believe them with all your heart.
5. True, Jen is a mom. Sean isn't a dad, and doesn't know how hard it is. But Sean has spent his whole life surrounded by kids, from all the summers spent teaching swimming and counselling at summer camps, and spends as much time as he can now with his friends' kids. Sean also has raised several dogs from pups, and knows at least a little what it's like to have all your love poured out into a living creature that is totally dependent on you, and loves you completely, and reshapes your whole life in a way you couldn't have imagined, a way you wouldn't change back for the world.
4. People always want a little more from each other than they really see, but this much is true: Sean wouldn't change a thing he knows about Jen now. Not her job, not where she lives, not anything. He wants her to know him as he is, as he really is, and how he lives his life, responsible, independent, an adult fending for himself, and wants her the same way, as she really is, no pretense, no negotiation, no manipulation. A person may change, but only if they want it for themselves, and when you care for someone, you do it because you liek who they already are, not who you wish they would be.
3. Contrary to popular belief, Boston is not the only place Sean has, or would, live. He's a traveller by nature, and any town with water nearby fits his needs. It all depends on where life takes you...
2. Of course it may not work. Of course it's crazy. Everyone knows you don't get involved with someone you meet at a stripclub, everyone knows you don't get involved in long-distance relationships, everyone knows people need to know all about each other, and have similar backgrounds, and interests, and goals and everything before you can even try. But no one knows who is meant for who. No one knows how you're supposed to find the person for you, no one knows where, or why, or when, and for damn sure no one knows what is right for another's heart. It may not work. But if it did, wouldn't that be the most amazing, best part of it? Wouldn't it be worth it if it turned out to mean a lifetime of moments like the first time they looked in each others' eyes? If it were just like that first hug, but every day? The best gambles aren't always the safest ones; sometimes they're the ones that pay out the most.
1. True. Sean is 31, and not getting any younger. But he is immature, so that helps balance things out a little.

And in all this, I have no idea what you are thinking, in all this, I'm just hoping against hope that you feel even a tiny bit what I feel, like somehow this isn't even really in our hands, that we were meant to meet that night, and now it's up to us to decide what we do with it. I've lived too long not taking chances when they seemed scariest, and backing off when things got too hard. So you may not want this. I may decide it's too tough. Lots of things can go wrong. But I love writing to you. I love thinking about you, and remembering what your voice sounded like, and how perfect your body felt wrapped up in my arms in a hug, and I'll keep that with me no matter what happens. You've already touched my heart, and for that I'm grateful. So I'll just keep trying to express it. Thanks for being you, and letting me know you even a little.