IF YOU HOST IT .... ...........THEY WILL COME ! (Sound
Familiar)
Some things never change; the sun rises in the East, the
Warrior smokes in the West, and there's a party in the 'Burgh!
One rock'in -kick-ass party I might add. In any event, the
following printed matter will hopefully prove to be informative
as well as mildly entertaining, and ultimately convince all of
you to once again attend the latest of party traditions within
the Happy Bunch' s extremely large repertoire of ridiculous
events. I'll try my best to be clear, probably not too concise,
but avoid any usage of the "Seanish" language. With
that said, I should probably start off with the latest news.
Easily enough, the largest of ramors has been confirmed ......
Snarl is a man. So much so, that he dares to boldly go where no
"Happy" has gone before. This includes a large rock, a
very large bill, and what will most likely be the most
disgraceful public exhibition of drunkenness CT has ever seen;
thanks to us. Looking forward. In other news - Jobs are going on
all over the place. Good respectable jobs too. Sean, for
instance, is currently assisting thousands of adolescent children
educate themselves by establishing Free Porn Web Sites throughout
the interact.. Ron and Christine continue to epitomize the
definition of "flexible" working conditions and have
joined the way of the Moose. ( Stock down 5 points since lanuary
7 7 7). Griz, continues to amaze us with his ability to
repeatedly find companies who not only allow, but encourage his
bizarre mannerisms and keen sense of fashion. Pia, with his
Florida Cabaret at an end had to return to CT to find comfort
with his only real love in life; the basement. This boy has
successfully skipped the employment thing all together and has
gone fight on to retirement. Kudos sprinkle-dick.
And now to the point...
You are officially invited to attend the 3rd annual Bash in
the Burgh!!!!.
Come celebrate the World's Largest Inland Regatta and see for
yourselves just how entertaining a busload of drunken, clueless
Yahoos running around in the rain for the weekend can be. This
year is filled with few more wacky events to stretch the dream of
forever fun just a bit further. Read On !
When: Thursday July 31 st. Sunday August 3rd
Where: The Burgh
RSVPs: Please. Please. Please Please. Soon. Soon. Soon.
THE PLAN
Pugs, are you $%$# serious?
You Bettcha. More serious than ever. More serious than Motts
at a Pink Floyd show, and that' s pretty damn serious. This
question is getting old - You know this is the 3rd year. Some
States already confirmed with representation include WA, FL, NH,
TN, CT, NY, AZ, and WV. First ticket purchased award goes to
Fancy Pants Lance and his disco dance stance. Rock!
Once again this invitation will make it to the hands of over
60 or 70 people, not currently in this state. We will indeed
Regatta! Now call in your RSVP and give in to the dark side.
Nhere's everybody staying? (Section I)
Well, I think the majority of you all know how this works, but
let me go there again. As much as I would ove to have 50 of my
closest friends in the same lodging for a weekend without
sobriety, sanctuary, or :anity; this is simply not an option.
Please dissolve any notion of a basement flopping, tent propping
overall-chaotic-sleep-over-orgy that you may have had since
heating I now live in a house. My neighbors simply don't deserve
that. In all seriousness, my living conditions are actually
smaller than my previous, and carpet space is nearly
non-existent. So once again I will direct the majority of you to
the attached -totel Accommodations listing which should provide
you with a number of crash sites based on the v, arious levels of
desired price, location, and tolerance of rowdy nonsense. The
Hampton Inn, Oakland, has been the popular choice of the past and
to date most real names are still accepted for reservations.
PLEASE NOTE: Once again I must warn you that many of the hotel
accommodations will be booked early if not already, given the
severity of this party (and I guess there' s a Regatta or
something going on oo). But regardless, rooms are hard to find,
so don't put this off. I know many of the Basher veterans
prudently take heed to this warning, but if you have not yet
experienced this festival, be sure to understand hat immediate
planning is required.
should availability become an issue, please contact one of the
following accommodation representatives for assistance: For the
comfort of a plush garden shrub- Please contact Nate; for a cozy
janitorial closet Neil; perhaps a picnic table or pick-up truck
under-carriage more suits your fancy- Sean is your man; and
finally, for the guaranteed rest and relaxation of a litter box,
please contact Griz at 800-CAT-PISS. ..
Where's everybody staying ? (Section H)
Do not fear, financial aid packages are still available for
the Bash in the Burgh getaway. Depending on qualified applicants,
the following could be included in your Party in the Burgh
package, free of charge:
Grandiose Accommodations at 64 1 Shady Drive East
This semi-full service establishment includes all of the
comforts of home, including floors, walls and ceilings. A shower
too is available, along with a one fat brown dog and her
accompanying tugs, bones, balls, sticks, etc..
· Mass transportation to and from the New England area (
Please see What' s this about a Bus?)
· Free daily home cooked meals (some cooking required,
limited availability of entrees, void where prohibited).
· All other weekend activities as outlined in The Plan.
Please understand, everyone does have an invitation to stay at
my place. Obviously not everyone can and I'm not sure not
everyone wants to. I just do not want accommodations to be an
issue as I do want you to attend. A number of guests are already
pre-registered for these accommodations, so if this exclusive one
time offer fits your needs, please contact me ASAP (although you
should do that to RSVP anyway!).
What's this about a Bus?
I'll tell you about the bus. If a state trooper wasn't already
on board, you would definitely think this 4 wheeled interstate
booze cruise was illegal. Appropriately called the Happy Bunch
Bus From Hell ( a world class traveling freak show) this kick-off
mobile party is now in it's 3rd very successful year. What else
would you expect but success, from an event spearheaded,
organized and controlled by the only human with a born -on-date!
This team of professional "road-trippers" departs with
their multi-passenger vehicle on the morning of July 31st from a
central CT location, to arrive in Pittsburgh just in time to
forget the trip. This method of transportation is not only cost
efficient, but environmentally conscience, and invaluable in its
entertainment merit. I still threaten and very possible may, fly
to CT just to join the ride. Stops along the way will be
considered and refreshments will indeed be served! So, for more
information on how to join this band of John Daly Wanna-be's
please contact your travel host, Nate. The direct dial for the
Nick-Knack-Love-Shack remains, (860)-243-3615.
What's required on our part?
There is only a bare minimum of knowledge and responsibility
required in order to take part in this festive event. Please
equip yourself with the following abilities prior to departure:
Telephone operation and/or the yellow pages while under the
influence of alcohol and/or in the surroundings of others heavily
intoxicated.
Memory capabilities of the name/location of your
accommodations · Use of the English language is strongly
suggested
A general understanding and adherence to the Rules as
specified in this Plan
Point being here folks, there is not much required. The only
thing I ask is that common respect be given to all
establishments, people, and organizations that I might in some
way be responsible for after your departure. Also, there will be
no whining and crying that I want to go hcme halfway through an
otherwise pleasurable party. Oh, that' s right they hate us now.
Then I don't want to hear any whining or crying about how Nate
always gets the first beer. He's Nate; give him a break.
THE RULES
Now this is a new one; though highly necessary.
First, Clif can't bring anybody; period. Not even,
meh-Daaaadd. Motts must wear a leash and Griz must wear a condom.
Simple so far, right? Scan must whisper, Snarl must drink, Sober
Matt must drive, and Christine must get naked in the Saloon. Neil
must be Neil, and Ron must chew. Lance however, must give someone
the Chew on a dim lit Mt. Lebo street until the point when the
police accuse him of verbaI domestic violence. This will happen.
My sister must not hook up with any of you. Finally, I demand at
least one jig and perhaps a strutting disco move by the reigning
limbo champion, drunk Matt. Stupid people must stay home. Oh,
Colin, I forgot to tell you but you must provide musical
entertainment - Bring the whole damn band (or at least Steph) and
let' s get it done!
Can my ooggie-boogie-sweety-pie-muff'm-head-love-dunkin come
too?
Sure, if your not the love guy himself. No offense bud, but
this party is Transylvania to your guests. Otherwise, consider it
a family affair. Probably wouldn't suggest it if you like the
person, but any guest of your's is a guest of mine; just let me
know.
What are we going to do when we get there?
Well for those of you that don't already know, there's a whole
lot of polkaing going on as well as the following:
- All Regatta events (or something close to these) as
described in the enclosed 1995 schedule. I know we have seen the
Regatta only once for about 10 minutes, but this option is still
available throughout the weekend to attend as you so desire. I
pretty much pack up your weekend with other entertainment, but
for the non-golfers and/or early risers you can at least feel the
comfort of believing there is a purpose to this party. For
everyone else, there's not really a Regatta at all is them?
- A day or evening at Kenywood amusement park. Now this has
truly become a joke. It's only 20 minutes away, but let's move
on.
- Pug's 2nd Annual "The-Bar -Is" Open .........
This, four person team, 18 hole mini-tournament scramble is
specifically designed with the less than average golfer in mind.
Your entry fee (approx. $50) will include greens fees, Pug's
welcome to the tour entry pack, hot dogs at the turn, numerous
skill challenges, accompanying prizes and more! Don't be
intimidated by your lack of golfing experience; your team will
consist of every level of golfing talent and drinking ability-
even Sean and Greg play! Nonetheless, anybody interested must
advise me of such no later than July 1st. Verbal commitment to
this event is acceptable as is advanced payment. Both of which
are non-refundable.
- Barbecue: Join me and the tourney teams in the post outing
barbecue and awards presentation. Don't be by the Boones Farm or
the Happy's that decided to drink all day rather than golfing.
Both relatively harmless. However, this is an exciting
opportunity to tap the first keg of the weekend and get fired up
for the traditional South Side invasion.
- Limo Fiesta: Don't think it's as simple as a barbecue.
Before the South Side, why not party on wheels one more time;
once again legally. Rather than odd man out as our driver, why
not "Higgins". And rather than a large smelly very
drunken Van, why not a large smelly very drunken stretch Limo.
Since taking over all executive responsibilities of the Motts..
thing... that... Motit.. does...?? ??, he refuses to travel in
any other mode of transportation. So if you would like to join
the Friday night, pre-South Side, welcoming of the Motts
limousine fanfare, please also respond by July 1 st (approx. $35,
approx. 2 hrs, approx. very wrong)
- Cocktail Party ! ! Why is this called a cocktail party??
Nonetheless, on Saturday evening I will be hosting a semiformal
gettogether of some sort, with lots of refreshments, food, and
some more refreshments. Although semiformal in attire, attitudes
as you can guess are anything but. Along with the opportunity to
hang out with the other distant travelers attending the weekend,
this party serves as an excellent opportunity to meet the people
I work with, live with, and socialize with here in the Burgh. As
you may or may not know, this is certainly the focal point of the
weekend so if limited participation is your only option, be sure
to put this on the "to-do" list.
This party will be held at a local establishment and occur
between the primary social hours of 5 and 11 p.m. This should
allow all parties the opportunity plenty of time to venture to
the Saloon for the ceremonial "let' s see what happens if we
continue on this path and close this place too".
Entertainment will be provided in some way or another but
unfortunately the talents of Pin will not be heard. This would
require him to come out of retirement in the same year it was
initiated. However, besides the usual Happy Bunch entertainment
factor, some level of official entertainment will most likely be
provided. Perhaps just a pooling of talents on an open mike.
EPILOGUE
1995 Version
For the majority of you, I have already spoken to you of this
event and I am quite pleased that I have only heard a very small
handful that can not attend. There are over 60 of these crazy
invitations being read throughout the country, none of which were
sent as merely a gesture. I truly encourage each of you to
consider this opportunity to visit me, one another, a new city,
and become part of what may be the most obnoxious tradition yet,
in our unprecedented circle of friends. I must reiterate the
urgency in planning for this occasion, and am relaying on such,
so that this may all come to be without extreme difficulty.
1996
Here we are again trying to accomplish a reunion of friends,
acquaintances, (and perhaps in some cases slight dissociates)
which in the eyes of the ordinary would be nearly impossible. I
ask, hope, and challenge each of you to once again prove the
difficult, rigorous, and sometimes greatly unaltered patterns of
our life wrong; and meet me at my place for a drink and a laugh.
1997
As mentioned in the opening of this communique, some things
never seem to change in the course of a lifetime. Although
illustrated in jest, the meaning is often tremendously bona fide.
For those of you who are familiar with the core band of tenacious
party-goers of which this party is compromised, you are certainly
aware of the dedicated effort we commit to the existence of
friendship and the satisfaction which correspondingly follows.
For those of you who are not, perhaps this invitation illustrates
my point.. I am pleased to once again offer my home, ideas, and
what seems to be life long duty of reuniting the most
entertaining constituency. Thanks to all who have made this 3rd
year possible; I believe another tradition has been born!
Questions, comments, concerns, RSVPs, or just for the sake of
getting fired up, call: 412-343-6735
or write:
Eric Pumiglia 641 Shady Drive East Pittsbrugh, Pa 15228
(Invitation does not include taxes, destination charges,
processing fees, bar tabs, county, state, or federal bail. All
attendees must be 21 years of age or there will be no fun for
you! Host is not responsible for anything bad that happens.
Period.)
SUGGESTED HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS
Top Shelf
The Hilton, Downtown -Deluxe rooms with full service, views
and many extras. Top notch hotel. Located 20 yards from all
Pittsburhgh Regatta events. Choice selection but the cost speaks
for itself at a minimum $159.00 per night. Availability Limited.
(412) 391-4600
Weston William Penn, Downtown- Another excellent choice.
Walking distance from the Regatta and the train (which can be
taken to my apartment). Prices begin at $150. AvaiIability
limited. (412) 281-7100
The Hyatt, Downtown- Bla, Bla, Bla. Not sure of the prices.
(412) 471-1234.
The Sheraton, Station Square- Very Nice hotel. Many nice views
and somewhat more reasonable of a hotel than the above. Very
accessible to South Side and a slue of other interesting bars.
(412) 261-2000
Table Wine
The Ramada, Downtown- Upgraded Ramanda, also located in a very
accessible area. Availability also limited. (412) 281-5800.
The Hampton inn, Oakland- Remaining Pug' s best Vote, this
place has pretty much had all of our business each year. They
have handled the crowds well and the price is around $99 a night
with free parking and shuttles. This hotel is located in the
heart of Oakland, which although not the nicest part of the city,
certainly has some nice features (Bars etc.). This hotel does not
have direct access to the train which runs to my house but this
has not effected much as transportation is very accessible. (412)
681-1000
Close to home
The Holiday Inn, Greentree- Located about 5 miles (10 in) from
my house, this is pretty nice Holiday Inn with a decent
facilities (pool etc.). About $80 a night, though again not
accessible to the "T". (412) 922-8100.
The Marriot, Greentree- very similar to the above in amenities
and price, as well as location. (412) 922-8400.
* Ramada Inn, Banksville- Only about 2 miles from my house and
on direct driving route to the city. This is a new Hotel so I
don't know much about it except it's price is about $70. The
people didn't seem very nice on the phone but who cares? There is
no "T" line too close, but it's not too out of the way
of most events. No pool, a bit of an attitude. (412) 343-3000
* Days Inn, Banksville- This used to be a hole in the wall but
was recently re-done, at least on the outside. In the past I
would not suggest it but it looks a little bit better. The
location is not too far from my area, but its right on a main
road with nothing to speak of around it (though I don't think
that matters much). The price is between $50-60, with possible
AAA discounts, but you may get what you paid for; not really
sure. Nonetheless (412) 531-8900.
The Pabst Blue Ribbon- The Grande !a Pugs International - As
outlined in The Plan.
1995 Pittsburgh Three Rivers Regatta Tenative Schedule of
Events
Thursday, August 3 Regatta Smiles Corporate Jets Flyover
Military Ryover Hot Air Balloon Demonstration Race of the Belles
Regatta Land Parade Concert on the Main Stage Concert on the Main
Stage Laser Show
10:30-12:30 PM 4:00-4:30 PM 4:15-4:30 PM 6:00-7:00 PM
..7:00-7:30 PM 7:00-9:00 PM 7:00-8:00 PM 8:30-10:00 PM
10:00-10:15 PM
Friday, August 4 Water Ski Show Air Show Boat Racing Testing
Hot Air Balloon Race Concert on the Main Stage Laser Show
1:00-1:30 PM 1:50-2:20 -PM 2:20-4:20 PM 6:00-7:30 PM 7:30-9:30
PM 10:00-10:15 PM
Saturday, August 5 Hot Air Balloon Race WaterSki Show
Boat-Race Testing TR Sail Race USAF Swear-in Ceremony Air ShoW;
Boat Race. Testing BOat Race Heat 1-15 Lap Race Bodybuilding
Judging Stemwheelers Race .. "Boat Race Heat 2-15 LapRace
Concert on the Main Stage Air Show/Helicopter Show Water Ski Show
Concert on the Main Stage Laser Show Fireworks Show --
6:30-7:30 AM 9:00--9:3OAM . 9:30-10:30 AM 11:30- 12:30 PM 12
Noon-l:00 PM ........ 12:30-1:00 PM · 1:00-2:00 PM -2:00-2:45PM
2:00-3:30 PM 3:00-3:45 PM
4:00-5:30 PM -5:30-6:30 PM 7:00-7:30 7:00-9:30 PM 9:30-10:00
PM 10:00-10:30 PM
Sunday, August 6 Hot Air Balloon Race Boat Race Testing Air
Show _Anything That Floats Race NPC Bodybuilding Competition
Stemwheelers Race Water Ski Show Anything That Roats Awards
Ceremony Stemwheelers Awards Ceremony Concert on the Main Stage
Boat Race Concert on the Main Stage Air Show/Helicopter Show
Water Ski Show Concert on the Main Stage Laser Show Fireworks
Show
6:30-7:30 AM · 8:30-9:30 AM 9:45-10:30 .AM 10:30-12:30 PM 12
Noon-1:00 PM 12:30--1 ;30 PM 1:30-2:00PM 1:30-2:00 PM 1:30-2:00
PM 2:00-3:30 PM 3:00-4:00 PM 4:00-5:30 PM 5:00-.5:45 PM 5:45-6:15
.PM 7:00-9:30 PM 9:30-10:00 PM 10:00-10:30 PM