Doctor's Notes
The following are purported to be actual doctors' notes on their patients'
hospital charts (supposedly unedited):
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Patient has chest pain if lying on her left side for over a year.
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On the 2nd day the knee was better, and on the 3rd day it disappeared altogether.
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The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997.
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The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
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Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
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Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
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The patient refused an autopsy.
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The patient has no past history of suicides.
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Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
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Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
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Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
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She is numb from her toes down.
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While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
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The skin was moist and dry.
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Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches
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Patient was alert and unresponsive.
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Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid.
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She stated that she had been constipated most of her life, until she got
a divorce.
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I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
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The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
lawyer instead.
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Skin: somewhat pale but present.
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The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
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Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen, and I agree.
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She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband says that last
night in bed, she was very hot.
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Patient has two teen-age children, but no more abnormalities.
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