RETORTS FOR THE SWORD MASTER

No-one will ever catch me fighting as badly as you do.
You run THAT fast?

I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman.
I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.

Only once have I met such a coward.
He must have taught you everything you know.

You are a pain in the backside, sir!
Your haemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?

My tongue is sharper than any sword.
First you'd better stop waving it like a feather-duster.

Every word you say to me is stupid.
I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.

My last fight ended with my hands covered in blood.
I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.

If your brother's like you, better to marry a pig. 
You make me think somebody already did.

I usually see people like you passed out on tavern floors.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape.
Why, did you want to borrow one?

My sword is famous all over the Caribbean.
Too bad no-one's heard of YOU at all.

I will milk every drop of blood from your body. 
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island.
So you got that job as janitor, after all.

I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today.
And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?

There are no clever moves that can help you now.
Yes there are. You just never learned them.