Ponderus Daily Thoughts
I think the worst thing that could happen to you would be if you were
walking down the street
and someone shouted at you "nice girlfriend!" but it was your girlfriend,
but it also was your
grandmother.
Sometimes I wish me and my best friend got in a fight with these
five guys wearing black
spandex, and that whenever we hit them, words encased by cheezy,
seventies sunbursts appeared on
the screen, like "POW" and "SOCK" so that if ever our opponents said
somthing like "Hey, this is
just like Batman," I could say, "Well, duh!"
Being drunk is a lot like just not knowing where you are, who you are
with, the whole while,
being completely naked.
"Suprises" aren't suprising if you know they're coming.
Even the coacroaches are hatched somewhere. That place is often a
Porta-Potty.
Is a loud song really that loud? Pehaps it's only "loud" when you have
your head against the
speaker.
If you ever decide to switch guidance counsilors, make sure that you
don't tell the new one how
bad the old one was because you never know, they could be friends.
A lot of old adages don't make sense to me. Like the adage: "A penny
saved is a penny earned" I
mean, come on! Who wants a penny, anyway?
When you analyze the phrase "Spring Break" you realize that it
makes no sense: it is neither a
break, nor does it take place in Spring. Oh, wait a sec. Yeah, it does.
A really cool name for a band would be "AIDS" because whenever they
announced you they'd
say, "Ladies and Gentleman, give it up for the band: Aids!" and people
would think that you were
talking about plastic bandages.
They say Dad was a crazy guy, but I don't see anything wrong with
spreading mayonaise on the
dog.
They say breaking up is hard to do. Actually, winning the lottery is a
lot harder.
When people say, "I don't know what you're talking about" they
usually know darn well what
you're talking about except for sometimes when they really don't know.
Part of what makes Frank such a funny guy is the great jokes he tells.
The other part is how he
urinates on small dogs and the elderly.
My dad always used to say: Son, money doesn't make the world go round.
I guess that's why
when Dad was elected God, the universe collapsed.
They say love is a many splendored thing. After hearing that, boy, I'm
sure glad I'm not in love!
Who would win in a fight: Mike Tyson or Woody Woodpecker? Keep in mind,
Tyson's a pretty
strong guy.
Why do people always complain about grapefruits? I mean, they ARE
yellow, but they sure do
make up for it with their tartness!
It takes a lot of work to be really stupid. That's why most people are
just, plain dumb.
Whenever someone says, "I'm tired of you following me everywhere I go
and telling everyone I
meet that I am the Cat God" don't believe them because really, how could
you ever get tired of that?
When someone says to you, "make it gel," they could mean, "make it flow
together nicely." Of
course, they also could mean, "make it a gelatinious translucent
substance that I could rub in my
hair to impress the ladies." That's why you can never know exactly what
someone means, because
while sometimes they're asking you to improve your writing, the other
times they just want you to
convert things into hair mousse.
Did you ever confuse the word "doctor" with the word "kiwi"? Neither
did I...
Learning to ride a bike is like playing the lottery: the more you
practice, the better you get and
boy, it sure is great to win all that money!
Sometimes things that are supposed to make you think, don't make you
think. They just make
you wonder.