National Psychiatric Hotline
Ring....Ring....Ring....click........
"Hello. You have reached the National Psychiatric Hotline. If you are
obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are
co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have
multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6 now. If you are
paranoid-delusional, we already now who you are and what you want,
so just remain on the line. If you suffer from schizophrenia, pause for a
moment and a little voice will tell you which number to push. And if you
are manic-depressive, it won't matter which number you push, because
nobody will answer anyway."
"Thank you very much for calling, and we encourage you to have as
nice a day as possible, given your circumstances."