Hazardous Waste
An essay by Bryan Flood

Women constantly bitch about how men have it easier. I say... bull shit. Sure women have PMS, pregnacey and other problems, bit they don't have to go to the bathroom in the guys room. See, all the girls out there are saying "What?!?" but all the guy's know exactly what I am talking about.

See, in the male bathroom, there are urinals. Now, like snowflaked these urinals come in a variety of shapes. For instance, you have the troph, floor urinals, and elevated pissers.

Trophs
The troph is quite possibly the worst urinal of all. It is basically one big urinal everyone has to share. So, it is impossible to have that sense of privacy and heterosexuality that one gets from a singular urinal. Trophs are rare so one only puts up with it once in a while.
Floor Urinals
A floor urinal is a urinal that goes form chest height to the floor. On the good side you get a urinal to your self and it is relativley easy to aim at because it is just straight down. The bad side is if you get one of those "Piss Chills" you are more likely to hit the floor.
Elevated Pissers
The most common of all urinals. The elevated pisser is a singular urinal that usually comes at 2 heights, high and low.
Now obviously, when your mostly grown, you go to the highest urinal and when you a youngin you go to the lower urinal, but what about adolescense? You have to make a choice. You have to ask your self "Now, do I look mature and go to the high one or do I go for the easy shot and hit the lower one?" This is a very trying question.

Now, I know what your saying, "How hard can it be to pee?" Well, here is what a guy does when he steps throught the mens room door...

• Looks at the pissers. What type are they? Troph? Elevated? Floor?
• Makes choice of urinal.
• Examines urinal for potential obsticles. *** Side note: Obsticles such as a plastic cup, paper, even cigarrette butts can increase the splash factor of a piss. And trust me, it sucks to have piss splash back at you.***
• Ready
• Aim
• Fire

Other Bathroom Thoughts

"How come men's bathroom stalls never have doors?"
"Will any of the phone numbers on the wall work?"
"Why are they playing that elevator music?"
"Damn, this place smells!"