Ladies and Gentlemen, give a good hand for ...

The Suicidal Comic.

"Hey, how's it going... good to be here...in Chicago...in this god forsaken room with all you people that have a reason to live.
"So, how's it going? Yeah... my life sucks.
"Any one here from the Los Angeles Asylum? Yeah, I made a few friends there. I really stuck my neck out for them, but they couldn't tighten the noose! Oh.....
"Yeah, I just got done slitting my wrist...and boy are my arms tired! Oh...
"Seriously, things aren't that bad...want an example? Well, take my life... Please!
"Yeah, I was reading the newspaper and I heard that a man walked into a bank and started shooting at the people inside and killed 15 people. Yeah, that's too bad. Why couldn't I have been there?
"What about that Heaven's Gate Cult huh? Yeah, 45 voluntary suicides, that's what I call a religion with a purpose!
"Suicide isn't for everybody. Yeah, some people are already dead...
"I've been problem lately. I need some one to talk to, so I called my doctor. Mr. Kevorkian said he'd be right over.
"How about that famous Chicago food. You get one of the World Class Steaks, put a little salt, a little pepper, a little arsnic... yeah, that'll fill you right up. Hell, you may never have eat again!
"Is this thing on? And if it is, dose if have enough watts to kill me?
"I went swimming the other day... yeah, I was a rebel, I dove in the shallow end and hit my head. Damn that EMT that saved me.
"Hey, I outta here, but remember, when your gonna go, take others with you.