Why I am insane.

It all started one day when I was trying to cook apple pie with a pocket knife. The nuclear bomb exploded in the blender so I tried to call for an emergency lottery ticket but the teller said that the fuse had blown and that I would have to go the the parking lot of KFC and sing for the grand duchtess to prove that I am worthy of the soda pop.

Once I recovered the vehicle I quickly flew to a small island in a stream where I ordered a Big Mac. They said they only had whoppers so I got a taco supreme and was on my way to the coast of canada where a group of fish were sitting by a fire. The had infromed me that in order to become a chimney sweep I must think like a walruss.

As everyone knows, Walruss' can't drive. So I flew back to the country of Illinois and explained that in order for me to lap dance in the butter I would require the assistance of a small child that could sing Old McDonald to me while I cultivate the mine feild.

Unfortuantley, they couldn' help me so I was destined to macarena down to the river and take a sip of the golden applejuice that was falling from the floating candels. It was cold and melted so I knew that in order to survive I had to kill every last shred of beef jerky and take the remains to a grave yard and have the custodean sell froglegs to women for vast amounts of crayons and other drug paraphanelia.

Never discouraged I walked over to the samuri and said "Hey! Get your foot out of my gravy!" The samuri started crying and stuck a sock in his stomach to commit suicide. Of course the sock had to be sharpened and the samuri lived on to become one with nature and animal bi-products.

The monks were talking in their sleep which of course will send them to hell. So I offered them some Ice water and they said that to morph into a jolly rancher I must feel as though I am a duck that has been a slave for the south and will never ever fail to acheive my goal of becomming the first woman to ride an asteroid to Idaho.