Palladium Humor

1. Axes make great keys  2. If the GM went through the trouble of making a full character sheet for the villain, you sure as heck had better not kill him the first hit  3. If the GM has a big grin on his face as you sit down to play, have your PC start sleeping with sword in hand  4. Be wary of notes to the GM  5.  Never sleep in a coffin  6. G.M.'s will not be happy if you decide to destroy a bar in every other town  7. The GM has the special ability: -Ignore laws of Nature, Physics and Reason  8. The player however, automatically ignores the laws of reason  9. If a GM created item sounds to good to be true, it is  10. A PC who uses his first attack for a battle cry is going to get the whole party killed  11. It is amazing how many months that week's worth of rations the player starts with can last  12. Principled PCs get the party into more trouble than evil PC's  13. Never ask a Dwarf if he is gay  14. Your invisible character isn't  15. Players who quote the rules word for word are always the first to die  16.  Even if he has nightvision, the weakest P.C. always has to carry the torch.  17. Never reuse wooden stakes from vampires  18. Monster races are ugly no matter how high their physical beauty is  19. Never underestimate the value of grovelling.  20. It's gotta be bad if the G.M. asks you how my H.P.'s you have  21. Horse's temporarily "wink out" when you get off of them  22. You know it's bad when you start choosing between rune swords  23.  Never ask the bartender for the strongest thing he has  24. If it tastes bad, it's NOT good for you.  25. Never suggest a dwarf throwing contest  26. Elves are all secretly bisexual  27. Other Palladium dimensions always have godlike creatures in them  28. Enemies without weapons are always more dangerous  29. You'd have to be in outer space before you could drop so far as to die from the fall  30. Never fall asleep during your watch  31. Never steal a females clothes while she's bathing  32. Never make friends with any race that has "Demon" or "Hell" as part of it's name  33. Never insult a priest  34. If your a priest, never insult your god...if you're a god, heck, insult away 35. Have both your parents dead when you join the group as to avoid future insanities  35. Never make a back up character, or you'll need it too soon  36. Being invited to a feast is a good thing  37. Being the feast isn't  38. Look under all throw rugs  39. Watch out for the small redneck towns  40. Never ask a wizard if he's any good  41. It's a good thing to remind the G.M. who's giving him a ride home after the meeting  42. Never gloat that your guy is impossible to kill  43. Never do a 1 on 1 nude sword fight  44.  That's especially if your a dwarf  45.  Raping is ok, until the G.M. can think of some weird disease to give you  46. Wacky dreams aren't usually coincidental  47. The Shoppe always have everything, but what you want  48. P.C.'s have the ability to carry around 20 times the normal capacity of humans  49. Summoners are easy to kill, it's just their legion of demons that gets you every time.  50. Never miss a RPG meeting, cus your P.C. will be the first to walk into the funny room with all the symbols all over.  51. Prices are suddenly inflated when you have a sack of gold 52. Taking bread underwater is a bad thing  53. Horses never have to eat  54. The line "The bigger they are, the harder they fall" doesn't apply 55. Boxing is always more important then swimming and finally 56. Never, ever beat up the G.M. before the meeting!

Hope you've Enjoyed!

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