Ed (Sing to the tune of Stan)
Notes:
For those of you who are not familiar with the characters in the story I will give you a small brief background. I took physics one with Prof B. and I failed it. So it kept me at my community college for a full year. I was doing not much better the second time around. I particularly had a hard time doing the lab work with Professor O'Connor.
There was a rumor running around that Prof. B like Eminem music. It was a bit hard to believe for me. He is a young guy, but he did not seem like the rap type. Sometime while listening to Stan by Eminem I came up with something like this.
You got to write me man,
Ill be the best student you ever lose
Sincerely yours Ed,
PS I need a recommendation letter too
I joked around with the idea for a few days until I decided to sit with the MP3, which I got from napster ( ironic since Eminem is so against them). I had almost no trouble coming up with the lyrics.
After hastily completing the story I sent it to him and a bunch of other people. Then I thought to myself. "That was stupid". So I did not make eye contact with the man for a few days and then all of a sudden he says with a smile, "I got your email." So we laughed about it.
I do not think anything I have written has had such a profound effect as this song. In the physics II final I took next semester we were still making puns on lyrics and laughing about it.
Other characters in the song
Marvin took physics with me the first time. He is doing better than 1.0. I only chose Marvin because he is just good to pick on. He handles it so well.
Nana is friend of mine. She makes it into the song at a later part. I met Nana in the phyics lab class (the second time around). I chose her for the story only because she is short and seems like you might be able to cram her in a locker.
-------------------Begin Song---------------------------
Dido interlude
(Sounds of scratching pencil on paper)
Dear Prof. B,
I wrote you but you still aint callin,
I left my cell, pager, and home phone # at the bottom,
I sent two letters back in autumn you must not have got em,
There probably was a problem with the post office or somethin.
Sometimes I scribble Physics notes too sloppy when I jot em'
but anyways, skip it, How's O' Connor?
I am about to change majors too, I am about to be a transfer student
If I change my major guess what I am going to change it to?
I am gonna change my major to physics.
I read about the sun dying I'm sorry,
I had a friend drop a class over some lab that did not work for him
I know you probably hear this every day, but I am your biggest fan,
I even got the thesis you wrote for you doctorate man,
I got a room full of your tests and worksheets man
I liked the stuff you did with integration too that stuff was phat
Anyways I hope you get this man. hit me back. Just to chat. Truly yours
Your Best student,
Ed
Dido interlude
Dear Prof S,
You still aint called or wrote,
I hope you have the chance,
I aint mad I just think its messed up you do not answer students,
If you did not want to talk to me outside your classroom you did not have to,
but you could have made some office hours for Marvin,
That my friend man,
His GPA's 1.0,
We waited out in the blistering cold
For 4 minutes and you just said no,
Thats pretty whack man,
You are like his idol,
He wants to be just like you man,
He likes physics more then I do
I aint that mad though, I just dont like being lied to,
remember when I was taking that summer class?
You said If I write you you would write back.
See I am just like you in a way,
I never knew my trig neither,
I always used to cheat on tests with a ti 86calculator,
I can relate to what you are saying in your class,
So when I have a bad day I study notes until the morn,
cause I don't got other classes, so physics helps when I am depressed
I even have a tattoo of E=MC^2 across the chest
Some times I even cut class to see if you notice me,
Its like adrenalin,
the failing grades are such a sudden rush for me,
See everything you say abides by Newton's laws,
and I respect it cause you tell it.
My classmates are jealous because I am doing problems in the book 24/7,
but they don't know physics like I do,
no one does
They dont know what it was like without the ti 86 growin up.
You got to write me man,
Ill be the best student you ever lose
Sincerely yours Ed,
PS I need a recommendation letter too
Dido Interlude
Dear Mr. I am too good to call or write my students,
This will be the last homework I ever do for your cl-ass
Its been two months and still no word,
I dont deserve it,
What do you mean you can't find my homework,
I wrote my name on them perfect.
So this is my project I am sending you,
I hope you read it,
I am in the study lab doin C++ on a laptop,
Hey Prof B, I drank from the water fountain.
Dare me to drive?
You know the problem in the book, on page 55,
about momentum,
about that guy who was pushing the box up the inclined plane?
But got stopped because of friction, and then a spring bounced him?
Thats kinda how this is,
You could have stopped my from sliding
Now its too late,
My motion shifted now I am falling.
All I wanted was a lousy letter or recommendation and a call,
I hope you know I ripped your thesis on Kepler's third law off the wall.
I like physics I could have passed it and the lab together,
think about it,
I hope you can not grade and you dream about it,
and when you dream I hope you cant grade and you scream about it,
I hope your concious eats at you
and you cant teach without me,
see Prof...
Shut Up Nana I am trying to talk...
Hey prof that Nana screaming from in her locker,
I did not take her notes,
I copied her homework,
Yea I aint like you,
because if she gets caught she will suffer more,
then she'll fail too.
Well gotta go, I have a calc class now.
Oh crap I lost my internet connection. How am I supposed to send this crap out?
(Crashing hard drive sound. Splash)
Dido interlude
Dear Ed,
I meant to write you sooner, but I have just been busy.
Nanas in calc what? How far along is she?
Look I am really flattered you would change your major to that.
And hears a letter of recommendation for you,
I wrote it on WCC letterhead,
I am sorry I did not see you out of class,
I must have missed you
Do not think I would have done that intentionally just to diss you,
but whats this you said about cuttin class too?
I say that is clownin dog. How messed up is you?
You have got some problems Ed I think you need some tutoring,
To help you from failing test when you dont understand something,
And whats this about not having a ti-86 Calculator,
Then Like how do you do the log problems?
I really think You and Nana need calc 3,
but you just need to study harder,
I hope you get to read this letter,
I just hope it reaches you in time,
before you GPA drops I think you will be doin just fine,
If you realx a little. I am glad I inspire you,
but Ed why are you so mad?
Try to understand that I do want to pass,
I dont want you to do some crazy crap
I saw this thing in the tech building a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and copied homework from a kid,
stuck her in a locker, damn shes was as small as a kid,
and in the lab they found an email,
and they did not not say who it was too.
Come to think about..His name was.. It was you
Damn
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