Psychiatric Hotline

Ring...ring....ring...click

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. Your call is important to us. Please choose from the following options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press one repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press two.

If you have multiple personalities, please press three, four, five and six.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are delusional and hallucinate occasionally, please be aware that the thing you are holding to the side of your head is alive and hideous, and is about to bite off your ear.