PICKLES?  Harmless vegetable product or plague of the 20th century????

Every  pickle  you  eat  brings  you  nearer  to  death.
Amazingly,  the  "thinking  man"  has  failed  to  grasp  the
terrifying   significance   of   the   term, "in  a  pickle."
Although leading  horticulturists have long known that Cucmis
sativus  possesses  an  indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry
continues to expand.
Pickles  are  associated  with all the major diseases of
the  body.  For  example,  nearly  all sick people have eaten
pickles.  The effects are obviously cumulative:

                   1) 99.9%  of  all  people  who  die  from
                      cancer have eaten pickles.
                   2) 100%  of  all  soldiers   have   eaten
                      pickles.
                   3) 96.9 % of all  Communist  sympathizers
                      have eaten pickles.
                   4) 99.7%  of  the  people involved in air
                      and auto accidents ate pickles  within
                     6 months preceding the accident.
                   5) 93.1%  of  juvenile  delinquents  came
                      from  homes  where pickles were served
                      frequently.

Evidence  points  to  the  long-term  effects  of pickle
eating: Of  all  the  people born in 1839 who later dined on
pickles, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and packers
continue  to  spread  their evil.  More than 120,000 acres of
fertile  U S  soil  are devoted to growing pickles.   Americans' per
capita annual consumption is nearly four pounds.
Alternative: Eat orchid  petal soup.  Practically no one
has as many problems from eating orchid petal soup as one does
with eating pickles.