Back To Project Haakon.
Back To Project Haakon.
"Things That I Will Do When I Become An Evil Overlord"
taken from Evil Overlord Inc.
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
As I spend more time open and out (although not necassarily comfortable) with my sexuality, I realize that homosexuality is not a disease, flawed genetics, poor up bringing, etc. etc. but a culture. This culture although similiar to the culture of Heterosexuals it has many differences. Some obvious and some not.
I think the least obvious one is linguistics. Words that heterosexuals use can have completely different meaninngs in gay culture. Some examples:
"[Most gay men] have been enormously, if not conciously, traumatized by the social pressure they felt to identify and behave as...heterosexual, even though such pressure is not classified as sexual abuse by experts in the field. Imagine how today's society would respond if heterosexual 13- to 19-year-olds were forced to date someone of the same sex. What would the reaction be if they were expected to hold the hand of, slow dance with, hug, kiss and say 'I love you' to someone to whom they felt they were not...sexually attracted? The public would be outraged! Adult supervisors would be sent to prison. Youthful 'perpetrators' would be expelled from school. Years of therapy would be prescribed for the innocent victims of such abuse...Yet that's part of the everyday life of gay teenagers." - Brian McNaught, Now That I'm Out, What Do I Do?
So anyways... It's always too long... Between entries, phone calls, get togethers... etc... But time goes so fast now so much to do so little time...
So, this is my first entry and I'm writing it from Duncan's living room. We are playing some DnD right now. I've just started to play an Elven Cleric of Corellan Larethian. Haven't actually got to use him in combat. But hopefully I will soon. Until then I get to use spells like "Make Whole" and "Cure Light Wounds." Oh Well. I'm still working on my Diablo 2 Characters as well. I started a Druid not so long ago that is now level 18. Ahh, all the people that know me know this is just my Stealth Nerd side being not so stealthy.
For straight people this is an everyday word... Take OUT the trash... Get OUT of the kitchen...etc. etc.
For homosexuals this word is far more powerful. It implies a state of honesty and release from one's often self-hating/-loathing nature while IN the closet.
Straight: Business partner, partner in crime, two people working together towards one goal...
Gay: You're significant other... Until recently the person, where if you were straight, you would be married too... The person you plan on spending your life with...
Straight: negative slur on gay's; something odd or out of place...
Gay: Almost a militant bold statement... "We're Here! We're Queer! Get Used to it!"
Straight: having or showing a joyous mood; bright or showy: gay colors.” ; given to or abounding in social pleasures; Slang. Of, for, or frequented by gays.; Slang. A homosexual person
Gay: Although not very different this almost surely is used exclusive to describe gay ppl
Straight: Royalty; Female Monarch
Gay: Gay effeminate man, usually dressed as a women, although not necassarily... He's being a real QUEEN today...
Straight: Something to eat; describing a Gay person
Gay: How the hell did we become fruits? I really don't see any connection...
Straight: Don't DRAG your feet... DRAG racing..
Gay: Wearing clothes of the opposite sex.. Drag queen= man in womens clothing... Drag king= woman in man's clothing...
Straight: to take PRIDE in one's work or accomplishements...
Gay: the state of being PROUD of who you are and of your orientation... Showing pride by supporting your gay community/culture
I think I hate time more than money right now... Yeah I think so, I'd rather be poor with all the time in the world than rich with no time left... It would be so easy if people were always up late, cuz I am so available from like 12am - 3am every morning lol
Ash's bday is soon (booked one of my 12 holidays off for recovery the next day or HWK depending on how much Vodka I drink). A good excuse for us all to get together again... But more importantly for me to see Ash again .. Miss You Ash...
Randa, You missed a good stir fry.. so, I think we are gunna have to make your rolls again one day soon.
It sorta wierd that friendships can almost solely exist in cyber space.... It scares me how easy it is to forget the good times and just leave people behind for no reason... especial people I was soooooo very close with...
I can't think of anything else to write...
I am on day 4 of my 7 day holiday. It is sooooo nice, but I don't know how long I could stand it. Lets face it, with out work I am bored, I mean sure I can read, write, game, do nothing, go for a walk, etc. but without work, and, *sigh* the stress of work, life is BORING.