Utsukushii…

Bart gazed into the wondrous sky from his window. “Fei, could you paint like that?”

Fei followed Bart’s gaze, then smiled softly. “Sure, why do you ask?”

“I was wondering if I could bring a bit of sky with me wherever I go.”

Fei was taken aback by Bart’s answer. “Whatever for?”

Bart rested his chin and propped it up on both palms.
“To remember the times we’ve spent together.”

Fei chuckled a little.
Bart would be so adorably childish sometimes.

Bart noticed Fei’s glance; he raised an eyebrow.
“What’s so funny?”

Fei smirked a little. “Oh nothing.”

Bart pouted, and glomped onto him. “C’mon, out with it!”

Fei laughed at Bart’s tickles and gentle tortures. “Bart!”

“Aren’t you gonna spill it out?” Bart had this triumphant grin on his face.

“I was only wondering which was more beautiful, the sky or you?” Fei lied slyly.

“Of course it’s the sky. How beautiful could I be?”

“Bart, you’re so beautiful; far more than any painting or jewel I’ve set my eyes upon.”

Bart touched his eye-patch with a doleful expression clouding his eyes.
“With this baby, how could I be beautiful? I’m not even normal anymore.”

“How could you say that?”

“Easy, I use my mouth.” Bart retorted.
The sarcasm dripped the air a little too thickly that day.

Fei held him a little tighter. “Bart, I think you’re very beautiful.”

“Don’t console me.”
He pushed Fei gently back.
As if he didn’t want Fei to have anything to do with his monstrosity.

Fei felt like shouting at Bart, but he knew better not to.
He let out an exasperated sigh. “Bart, that was…no, that IS the truth!”

“Hah! Even YOU are not sure! Suure, that’s the truth.”
His voice was filled with hurt and spite.

“Bart. What’s happening to you lately? You’ve been very insecure!”
Fei leaned forward to hold Bart by the shoulders.
Worried eyes faced a misted one.

“Wow, I didn’t know you ACTUALLY noticed.”
This time, the sarcasm hung like salted fish.

“Bart!”
Fei’s grip on Bart’s shoulders tightened a little, and shook him.

“OW! Let go!”
Bart pulled away from Fei’s grasp, his eyes glassier than before.

A wave of shock hit Fei worse than any Shakhan could. “Bart?”

“Why are you keeping me company anyway?”

“Why? Because I want to, Bart! I…”

“No! Don’t say anything! I don’t want to hear it!”
Bart covered his ears with his hands indignantly.

“Bart!” Fei tried to get him to listen.

His voice strangled. “Just go away! Leave me alone!”

Fei’s worry grew. “Bart! What’s wrong?”

“Leave me alone! Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Bart’s dishevelled golden locks hid his good eye,
but a slight sheen on his cheek told Fei everything.

“Bart?” Fei frowned.
He had never seen Bart cry before; this agitation was getting too serious.

“…Go away.” He struggled a little from sobbing.

“Bart, what’s wrong?” Fei’s hand reached out to touch Bart’s wet cheek.

Bart slapped his hand away.

A few moments later, his face levelled to Fei’s.

Bart smiled unnaturally.
“Fei, where’s Elly?”

“Elly? She’s staying in the other wing…what’s wrong?”

“Well, I think it’s time you should be true to yourself, Fei. You love her, don’t you?”

“Bart?!”

“DON’T YOU?!”

“Elly…she…I…”

Bart had a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
But the sadness was swallowing him much faster than he thought…devouring…

“Fei, she loves you too. I’m happy for you. Really…”
A hand went up to hide his eye, to hide his cheek; and to hide his shame.

“Bart? What happened? Why are you acting so strangely these few days?”

“Just get out. Go!” Bart pointed to the door of his room.

“I won’t leave you in this state!” A hint of anger.

Bart’s finger slowly went down, his head sank.
“Fine then,” The quietness of his tone scared Fei.
“Since you won’t leave, I will.”
His heels turned and walked towards the door.

Pressing a few buttons, it opened; the sound of air rushing in filled the room.
Without glancing back, Bart stepped softly out.
He hesitated a little, then disappeared down the wing.
The door automatically shut, sealing the room and its contents from outside.

Fei’s shock overwhelmed him so much that he stood still; unmoving.

A single tear fell from his eyes.
He suddenly wanted badly to see Bart, to hear his sweet, sweet voice;
to hold him tight, to kiss him…
Weakened knees fell quietly to the carpeted floor.
“Bart…?”

Soft cries and sobs filled Bart’s room.

***

Bart struggled not to cry once more.
Crying was weak.
He bit his lip.
But the tears still came, the tears still fell;
they still betrayed him of his integrity, still told of his feelings.

“Young Master…” Sigurd stroked Bart’s golden trails, mussing it up a little more.

“Sig…thanks for letting me hog this place.” Bart smiled gratefully.

Sigurd did not say anything.
He found it not the right time to.
Neither did he like making the Young Master upset.

“As long as you don’t mind sharing rooms with me.”

“I’d love to.” Bart grinned.
Love.
That word tore his heart apart once more, the ache developing into pains of torture and agony.
He struggled not to cry again.

Sigurd silently prayed for Bart to feel better.
His fingers gently wiped the tears from Bart’s wet cheek, stroking the soft skin.

“…Sig?”

“Yes, Young Master?”

“Don’t. Your touch feels like Fei…”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t bear to see you like this, my lord.”

Bart smiled through his tears.
“Thanks Sig. I know you really care.”

Sigurd smiled gently, and patted Bart on the shoulder; a silent encouragement.

***

Fei realised he slept on the floor, waking up to Bart’s scent.
“Bart…?”
He felt for Bart’s sleeping body, but only the carpeted floor greeted his fingers.
Then, the memories of what happened earlier rushed into him like a stormy surge of waves.
Pain.
Remorse.
It all swept him away along with the broken remains of his heart.

“Why?”

He stood up, and walked to Bart’s bed.
He held tightly onto the sheets, remembering their first time…
Remembering how insecure both felt.
And how both had felt for each other.

“Why?”

The sheets carried Bart’s scent, as well as a faint one of Fei’s.
His gaze fell upon the night-stand.
A picture of them together, along with a single, platinum ring.
A similar one found on Fei’s finger.

“Bart…Since when did you take it off?”

He touched the cold metal, its hardness eating into his flesh.

“Since when…?”

***

Citan sighed.
Fei needed much more help than he thought.

“Elly,” He began, pausing a little; taking time to think of how to phrase it.

Elly’s lavender eyes turned to gaze at the good doctor.

He smiled.
“How’s Fei?”

“Fei?” Her crystalline eyes danced brightly at the sound of that name. “He’s fine.”

“Ah, I see. Love is such a wonderful thing, eh?”
The corners of his eyes crinkled a bit with amusement.

Elly blushed. “Good doctor!”

Citan laughs a little in spite of the serious talk they were about to have.
He cleared his throat, then sat down on a chair, facing her.
“So, how’s life?”

“Wonderful, I guess…”
She smiled sweetly, recalling recently how Fei had smiled at her.

Citan took a sip of the tea she offered. “What a fragrant brew! Better than Maison’s!”

She bent her head shyly.
“The tea leaves were a present from Fei.”

“Really? No wonder it’s so sweet.”

“Doctor!” Her cheeks flushed slightly pink.

“I see the young lady does have a thing or two for the gallant lad!”

Her cheeks blushed rose red.

“That’s a very becoming colour, my lady!”

“Doctor Uzuki!”

He chuckled softly, then stopped.
“Elly, do you really love Fei?”

She blushed even further, but shyly admitted to the good doctor.
“Yes, I…I do.”

Citan sighed. “Well, now we’ve got ourselves into a big mess.”

“Why? What’s wrong? Is Fei in trouble?” In her distress, she stood up abruptly.

Citan laughs good-naturedly.
“No, my dear girl. He’s fine.”

She let out a smile of relief and embarrassment, and sat back down in front of Citan.

“Elly, this is very important, all right? I hope you’ll accept this and try to adapt.”

She had a look of puzzlement on her face, but she smiled; and agreed.

“Fei…he loves Bart.”

“Fei and Bart?” She sounded confused.

“Yes. Fei loves Bart, exactly the same way you love Fei; perhaps even deeper.”

Silence.

“I…I don’t believe this.”

“Elly, Bart loves Fei too.
He loves Fei so much that he is willing to sacrifice his love for Fei’s future.”

“What?!”

Citan’s hands gently rested on Elly’s shoulders.
She was trembling hard.
Everyone knew, Citan the good doctor would never lie.
But this was too much.

“I’m telling this to you…Elly, are you listening to me?”

“… …”

“Elly? Elly!”

“…Is this true?”

Citan sighed. “Yes, it is. Why would I lie about such a serious matter?”

“…That, that Fei and Bart…Fei and…” She choked a little on the last word, “…Bart?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you telling this to me?”

“It’s because I noticed Bart had been acting strangely nowadays,
and after Sigurd told me…”
He paused a little.
He had to thank Sigurd about telling him, or the two boys might never be once more.
“After he told me about Bart’s insecurity,
and that he really loves Fei so deeply that he’s willing to let him go.”

Elly kept silent.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to let Fei go, no matter how low she fell for Fei.

“Bart thinks that he can never bring Fei the happiness Fei deserves with a wife…
A family, so he’s decided.”

“Decided to?”

“Decided to leave Fei, and let you have him. He thinks Fei loves you instead.”

“I…I see.”
Her mind was a whole whirl of thoughts.
A part of her wanted to grab the chance and get Fei close to her.
Another part sympathised Bart, and badly wanted to help, to console.
Somewhere in her, she wanted to cry out aloud, that Fei loved another.
Yet, elsewhere she’s happy that Fei is being so deeply loved.

“Elly, you are a very sweet girl. I hope you understand the situation you’re in.”

“Yes I do, sir.”

“This is not the right time to approach Fei, all right?
He’s still emotionally unstable.”

“I…I know.”

Citan kissed Elly’s forehead. “You’re very understanding. I thank you.”

She smiled softly, but tears were already beginning to form in her eyes.

***

Bart stares into the sky from Sigurd’s room.
Somehow, although it was the same piece of sky, it was…different.
Whenever he looked up; that tingly, achy feeling would soar from his chest,
springing tears in his eye.
And he definitely did not like it.
Not one bit.

He parted his lips to say something, but something else cropped up instead.
“…Fei.”
He quickly slapped himself across his cheek, one on each side.
“K’so, I already given up on that fool.”

Yes, so he had.
He had, didn’t he?
Then why was he feeling so miserable?
Why was he feeling so…so…empty?
A single tear fell from his eye.
He bit onto his lower lip,
and ran a trembling hand through his silken locks, holding them there.
Giving up Fei was so very taxing, draining away every bit of life and spunk in him.
Eating away all of his dreams, all of his emotions, all of his energy, all of his soul…
All.
Everything, all of him.
And he couldn’t take it.
“…Fei!”

Silence, he cried in silence.

“…Fei, I…I need you.”

A soft whimper, then nothing.

***

Fei found himself yet again sprawled up in one corner of Bart’s room.
Bart’s…room.

A knock on the door brought him straight up to his feet.
Running to the buttons, he fumbled excitedly over them.

It seemed like eternity when the shutters opened.
“BART!”

Elly stood at the entrance of Bart’s room, pure torrid shock flowed through her body.
“Fei!”

“…Elly…?”
His voice sounded quite disappointed…no, it sounded…broken?

“Fei! What happened to you?”
Elly held onto Fei’s shoulders.

“I’m okay,” He forced a smile. “Really.”

“Fei…what are you doing in…in Bart’s room?”
She forced herself to avoid talking about that blonde pirate, but it didn’t work.

“I…I was just looking out from his window. You see, the view from here gives me inspiration.”

Fei was never a good liar.

“Fei!”

“… …”

“Fei.”
She HURT to see him in that state.
She HURT to see him in Bart’s room.
She also HURT to see him.
The pain.
It’s soldering, piercing right through where it hurts her most.

“Fei…”
She needed to know.
To really, really confirm from his very lips.
From his eyes.
Although she already knew the answer.
But she needed to hear from him.
Only from him.
“Fei…do you love me?”

“…I used to lie to myself about you…I’m in love with someone else.”

“It’s Bart, isn’t it?”

Fei nodded silently.
He didn’t have the courage he always had to look at her in the face.
He disappointed her too much.
Let her down too badly.

“Then, I suppose you know about me?”

He nodded silently again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I…I’m sorry.”

Elly smiled through her tears.
“Fei, I love you. And I don’t want to see you suffer either. Go back to Bart.”

“Back to him? I can’t.”

“Why not? Doesn’t he love you so?”

“He…he…I…”
He began to sound more and more desperate.

Elly stepped forward and hugged Fei gently, silently weeping.
“Fei,” Her voice was quivering. “He loves you. He really does. Go.”
She gently pulled away, and wiped her tears.
“Go, Fei. Before I change my mind.”

“Elly…”

“GO!”

He bit his lip, then turned to head for Sigurd’s room.

***

Bart heard some foot-steps at the door.
“Sig? I didn’t know you’d come home so earl…”

Fei stood at the open entrance.
“…Bart.”
Both cheeks was streaked with stains of dry tears, and face showed many signs of weariness.

For a moment, Bart was caught under his breath.
Fei had come!
He had come to see him!

“FEI?!”

“Bart.” Fei took a step into Sigurd’s room.

The blonde wanted to scream with joy, wanted to rush over and hug Fei,
wanted to kiss his tears away, wanted to love him there and then,
wanted to tell Fei that he loved him truly, wanted to hear him say the same.
But he didn’t.
He simply couldn’t.
Never.
Fei’s future was much more important.
Fei’s happiness with a proper family…much much much more important.
Yes, more dear than his own life.
“What are you doing here?”

“I came…came to see you Bart.”

“Whatever for?”

“I…I wanted to tell you, to ask you to accept me again. I need you, Bart.”

“Elly needs you more. I can’t give you any happiness.
There isn’t any outcome in such a relationship.”

Fei’s heart cried out.
This hurt like hell.
“Why do you keep pushing me around? Is this a joke or something?!
I suppose you’re very amused!”
He couldn’t take it anymore.
“Just a big fat horrid joke right? Wasn’t it in the start?”

“Fei!” Bart quickly rushed to him, and took him by the shoulders.

“A joke, right? Yes, I find it very amusing!
Pushing me around like a parcel! You forgot to stamp me!”
He shivered, crying and laughing inanely at the same time.

“Fei!” Bart sobbed, all his sealed emotions bursting through him.
“Fei! No, it’s not a joke, Fei! I…I love you!”

“Then why? Why; Bart, Why?”
Fei sank to a crouch on the floor, covering his face with his hands.

It was then Bart saw that Fei still wore that ring.
The prince fell to his knees beside Fei.

“Fei!”

“Why? Why leave me? The one I love is you! Why leave me? Why? I don’t understand!”

“Fei! I’m sorry, I thought you loved Elly!
After all, she’s a very sweet girl…and I’m…a man! She’s…”
He bit his lip. “She’s beautiful!”

Silence.

“Bart…Bart?”

Bart’s answer was to lift up his head to look at Fei.

“I…I think you’re beautiful.”

“Fei?”

“Far more than anyone else I know, far more…”

“Fei!”

“Much, much more, Bart. I…I love you.”
More beads of salty tears slid down his cheeks.

“Fei…I love you too.”

Fingers entwined through hair
Lips’ soft caresses
Sweetest touches
Lovingly,
Every touch aches
With the bitter-sweet romances
Pearls of dew-drop tears
Mixed by whispers
Honeyed words
Intimate scents
Contentment lasts
Forever,
Close by me

“Don’t go away, please?”

“Forever, Bart, forever…you’re so beautiful…”


~Owari~