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Funny TGF Golf
Jokes Funny Page Humor

"I got piss on me"

Skillet Squirrel
Subitted by TGF_Smoke3 Doctored up by TGF_Wildheart

           A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to
the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot whehe hears, Ribbit 9     Iron."The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and
decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and   grabs a 9 iron
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to
the frog,"Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog reply's, "Ribbit Lucky frog."The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole."What do you think frog?," the man
asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom!
Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to
say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of
golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas
and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"The frog says, "Ribbit      Roulette."Uponapproaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you
think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game,
the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes
sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the
best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful".
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all
the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl."And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So
help me God or my name is not
William Jefferson Clinton

Submitted by Daniel Gibson Good friend and maybe future TGFer

A man was lying in the hospital talking to a friend.
His friend asked What happened to you?
I was on the 7th hole when i hit my ball into the cow pasture, while I
was looking for it
I noticed a lady was looking for hers too. Then I saw a golf ball stuck
in a cows butt,so to be polite Ilifted the cows tail and asked the lady
" Does this look like your's ?" I woke up in here!

TGF_Guitarman

    A Husband and Wife are out golfing together. The Wife is just about to
    putt when a Streaker goes running by. She says to her Husband, "Was that
    Dick Green?". He says, "No, I think it was just a reflection."

Joke sent in by TGF_Blueman

THE RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club
and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep
the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage
to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the
course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may
result in being denied permission to play course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to
admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or
are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset
course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselve that their match has been properly
    scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first
    time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover
    someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
    Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily
    under repair. Players are advised to be extrememly tactful in this
    situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when
    this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush
around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and
approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before
attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners
request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the
same hole several times in one match.

Joke sent in by TGF_PJAM

GOLF FANATIC

              A couple met and married after a two week relationship. The day
              following their wedding, the husband was getting dressed at 4:00
              AM. His wife awakened and asked where he was going. He said:
              "I guess I should confess. I'm a golf fanatic. I play three mornings
              and three afternoons a week and I practice on my day off.""While
              were making confessions," the wife said, "I guess I should tell you
              I'm a hooker."

"Don't worry," responded the husband, "I'll show you how to adjust
your grip this afternoon." -Emily Schryer, Ottawa, Canada

HEAVENLY GOLF

              When an avid golfer arrived in heaven, he noticed a world class golf
              resort (imagine that) listed in the heavenly directory of recreation .
              He asks Saint Peter about it. Saint Peter, being an avid golfer, tells
              the man he will show him around the club.As they approach the
              back of the clubhouse, the golfer notices a large, beautiful water
              hazard just off the eighteenth green. He hears first one splash just
              short of the green and then another. He looks down the fairway and
              turns to Saint Peter and says:

"How far out is that player?"

"About 260 yards." replies Saint Peter

"260!" says the golfer "And he's hitting an iron! Who does he think
he is, God!?"

"No," says Saint Peter "That is God. He thinks he's Tiger Woods."

ERNIE

              A man and his wife are discussing the late hours the man keeps
              after playing golf with his friends. His wife tells him she is fed up
              with his lateness and that if he comes home late again he will find
              her bags packed and she will leave him for good. The man tells his
              wife that he and his friends have an early tee time and that he will be
              home no later than 2:00 PM.

Sure enough it is 4:00PM by the time the man gets home. He finds
his wife at the door, her bags packed and she is ready to leave.

"You don't understand!" he pleads. "Ernie had a heart attack on the
course and died!"

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that." replies his wife.
"When did it happen"

"On the first fairway says her husband."

              "Oh gosh" says his wife, then she hesitates and says, "Wait a
              minute! You teed off at 8:30 this morning. Where have you been for
              the last seven hours?"

"Well dear" said her husband. "It took a long time to play. You
know. Hit the ball, drag Ernie, hit the ball, drag Ernie."

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