Giving Your RP "Sparkle"

Part V -- Good MU* Writing Style

 

Nope, I'm still not going to get into the long vs. short, narrative vs. actor's style with you, gentle readers.  Instead I'm going to examine a few other things that make for good writing style on an online game.  Some of these things are not so different from what would make good writing on a solitary exercise such as a short story, or novel.  Others are unique to the activity of a collective, shared, experience.  We'll skip decent spelling and grammar; you already knew that one, right?

 

Purple Prose Still Sucks

 

Ok, I'm going to start off picking on us habitually medium-to-long posers.  Sometimes in our zeal to chew up scenery, we put out poses that sound ridiculous.  Sometimes we do it for a really long time, too, creating something that takes up an entire screen width.  This is not good RP.  This is a healthy ego in action.  Part of the trick of good writing is, according to my old English professor who got it from somewhere else, to "murder your darlings."  If it's too clever by half, you should make judicious use of the backspace key and get rid of it.

 

Action words, actions, emotions, and dialogue, clearly presented, make a good pose.  If the character is making an impassioned speech, a page worth of pose might be appropriate.  If you're just trying to show off, quit it.  A nice, well placed metaphor is one thing.  Line after line of flowery writing isn't. 

 

Bad:

 

The smoke curls up from the ashtray like a cresting wave, before it breaks lightly against the tips of Jane's fingers, then slips silently out of the window to ride the high silvery winds like an eldritch mist.  She tosses curls as golden as ever was offered in Fort Knox, her smile a gentle serpent as it shines upon Joe.  Her face is as radiant as the rising sun as she puts her cigarette aside and gets to her feet.  She raises an expectant arm pregnant with the possibilities of the moment...

 

I could go on, but I'm hurting myself too much.  I should really go drag out an example from a log somewhere instead of fabricating one, only I don't tend to RP with people like this long enough to log them.  Yes!  People actually pose this way!  You're not giving birth to farm animals out there!  Three lines on cigarette smoke, Fort Knox hair, a snake mouth and a pregnant arm.  Avoid these things. 

 

Better:

 

Cigarette smoke billows around Jane as she takes a long drag.  She puts the cigarette aside, rises.  She gives a Joe a radiant smile and offers her arm.  She tilts her head so that her golden curls shine in the sun, perhaps a deliberate motion on her part.  In this moment, the air hums with possibility.

 

The trick is to be descriptive and evocative without making your reader either burst out laughing or run screaming.  Sometimes you can just say that Jane takes a drag on her cigarette without making a literary event out of it.  I promise.

 

Consider Your Audience

 

Not all pose types are appropriate at all times or with all groups.  If you're in a serious scene it may still be appropriate for your character to crack jokes.  But it is not appropriate for the pose to reflect a light mood on your part.  Sometimes a cute, quickie pose that's not even entirely IC isn't bad.  Sometimes you can intersperse your pose with a bunch of dramatic song lyrics...and sometimes that's going to annoy the piss out of everyone trying to scene with you.  Regardless of what your character says, try to write the rest of the pose in a way that reflects the mood.  Consider a couple of lines from the movie The Long Kiss Goodnight and how they might have been written as poses.  I'll only be changing up the Old Man's pose to demonstrate my point.  Warning: not vouching for how accurately I remember the exact lines.

 

Samantha stares out the window of the car as they race away from the hotel.  "I just jumped out of a window!" she gasps. "And people just shot at us, and threw a grenade at us!"

 

The Old Man keeps his eyes on the rear view mirror as he spins the car away from their pursuers.  "Yes, it was very exciting," he snaps.  "And tomorrow we'll go to the zoo."  He spins the wheel again, throwing his passengers to the side as he guns it.

 

The mood here is tense, action oriented, and suspenseful.  Imagine, though, had Old Man chosen to phrase the same actions this way:

 

"Yes, it was very exciting," says The Old Man, as he spins the car away from their pursuers.  "And tomorrow, we'll go to the zoo!" Rawr!

 

Nothing wrong with a well placed Rawr; in a comedic or light-hearted scene it can just make people laugh.  If everyone's having a good time, and the "Rawr" enhances that, then by all means, go for it.  But if it's going to break the mood of the scene...consider carefully and rewrite your pose.

 

The same, really, goes for short poses over long ones.  If you're in the middle of a huge battle scene, sporting event, or other large scene that the TP people are trying to move along quickly, it is inappropriate to pose at great length.  You can still pose quality.  You don't have to restrict yourself to one line.  But if one line is all you need, then one line is all you need.  It can take a little practice to get the pulse of this accurately, and sometimes it depends on your typing speed.  Pace is important.  Romantic scenes lend themselves well to long, thought provoking poses, a horse race or a game of Quidditch does not.  A sword dual lends itself well to evocative, colorful poses between opponents -- but a dungeon crawl style battle where you're getting swarmed by giant rats and the TP coordinator is trying to deal with 10 people at once does not, and you should stick to simply swinging you sword instead of comparing the swing of your sword to whatever your favorite force of nature is. 

 

Finally, if you know them, you should consider the preferences of the person you're RPing with.  The truly great RPer is style-flexible, so can pose short if the person across from them prefers things short and sweet, can pose long if they like more depth -- and, best of all, is a good enough writer not to lose too much either way.

 

Be Aware of Voice:

 

Everyone has a different, natural online "voice".  Its very similar to the "voice" you hear about that all authors get.  Some people are cursed with online voices that normally sound very flat and emotionless.  They tend to sound a little depressed, rude, or just plain boring.  Some people sound whiny, some effervescent, some know it all, some impatient.  They may not be these things, but when you talk to them OOCly they invoke these things just the same, and they make an impression.  The only way to shape and craft voice is to have your characters doing things, showing emotion, invoking their personality.  Yes, what they say does a bit of this, but you should go just a step further.  At the very least give your characters a few typical mannerisms that you can throw in there every now and then.

 

Maybe your character is an emotionless guy.  If so, play it up, not down.  A lot of us find emotionless people a little intimidating because they can't get a read on them.  Would you deny them the opportunity to properly react to your character by not giving them enough information?

 

Jane says, "No."

 

Well, bully for Jane...but how did she say "No?"  To me she just sounds flat and depressed and a little bit of a pain in the ass.  Unfortunately, because I don't see enough of Jane's character in that irritating little pose, I transfer all of this to the player.  If Jane is depressed and flat because that's the way Jane-the-character is, might I suggest...

 

Jane lets out a heavy sigh and crosses her arms.  "No."

 

It's still a short pose, but it won't evoke the same sense of froth-at-the-mouth annoyance that the first one will.  The first will lead people to complain that you're not giving them anything to work with, or perhaps that you're a total newbie who does not know what she's doing.  Who wants that?  The second does give the other person something to work with.  An emotion!  And, still keeping things short, you can give just a little more.

 

Jane lets out a heavy sigh and crosses her arms.  Her tone is flat, dead, as she says, simply, "No."

 

Rule of thumb: short is ok.  Boring, without enough information, is not.

A Word on Adverbs, Said-Isms, and Elipses:

 

Writing books advise you to kill all of these.  They say you should never breathe when you mean to ask, speak, or reply.  You should never use an adverb when an action will suffice.  In general, I agree with them.  Sometimes it's okay to have your character growl or grunt their response instead of saying it, but only once or twice, to give people the idea that your character is a taciturn sort who isn't so sure they enjoy speaking.  Adverbs aren't bad, if your character perhaps speaks "slowly" or "rapidly", and you're trying to get that idea across without chewing too much scenery.  Still, both of these things are like salt. Use them, er, lightly. 

 

Jane's hands flutter around as she punctuates each statement.  "And then we went to the store!  And then I saw the mugger! And then, oh Mary, he pulled out his gun and he aimed it right at me and he fired and then Joe dove into me and we both hit the ground!" Jane takes a deep gulp of air.

 

Did you figure out that Jane was speaking rapidly in that pose?  I didn't need to say "rapidly" anywhere in there, though.  Nor did I even use the "said" tag, or any "said-ism".

 

Joe cries, "Sue, watch out!"

 

There's a said-ism, cries, but in this case it may be appropriate.  If Joe is crying watch out, it may be because he's in a rapid paced action scene anyway, and anything else would be over-descriptive and chew the scenery.  Yet it still evokes the emotions of alarm and urgency that Joe's player likely would like us to be aware of when he's taking the time to yell "watch out!" When you write or pose, you've got this bucket of tools at your disposal, different ways to convey different things.  You want the right tool for the job as often as possible.

 

And one word...on...elipses.  Elipses...are these little...triple dots that I keep...throwing in here in a most annoying...fashion.  Folks like to use them as an attempt to show that their character is pausing or speaking slowly.  Sometimes they'll string a whole bunch together like this ................ in an attempt to show a very long pause.

 

A proper elipse is exactly three dots and should never be used to create a pause in dialogue unless you're trailing off the end of a sentence.  In anime based games, it might be acceptable to use an elipse as the only dialogue. (Jane-san superdeforms. "...")  to indicate surprise, shock, a lack of anything to say, disgust...well, it all depends on the context, but anime people in an anime game will know how to interpret it.  The other appropriate use is to create a suspense break between actions, see below.

 

Time stops. He's frozen in midair.  Then...

 

Joe comes crashing down, unconscious.

 

Rule of thumb: if you're not sure whether an elipse is appropriate, just avoid them. 

%r, %t, and Tense:

 

Most MU*s want you to stick to the present tense when describing what's going on.  This is because things are meant to seem like they're happening in real time.  It also grows out of old tabletop RP, where a Player would announce his actions: "I swing my sword at the orc."  It is disconcerting when people try to use another tense, such as past tense.  This is one area where text based RP differs from fiction writing.  A fiction writer can use first person past tense, or third person past tense, but never present tense.  A MU* writer should never, ever use first person and should only use past tense in the unlikely event that he's demonstrating a flashback.

 

On the other hand, if you ever do run across a game where everyone is using past tense, do as the Romans do.  Don't be the only person doing something utterly different from the other five or six people in the room.  You're not teaching them anything (such as the style of RP you consider superior), you're just annoying them and making them wonder why you persist in being different when you can clearly see how things are done in their sandbox.

 

As for tabs, created by using %t, or breaks, created by using %r, they can be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation.  Tabs I'm actually pretty neutral on, if you like them, but some people get irritated when you start indenting.  %r is fine as long as its clear who is still posing, or is especially useful in emitting NPCs.  Again, the trick is to see what those around you prefer and to make use of that.  The occasional dramatic use of any technique, where it is clear the technique is meant to call attention to what is going on in a noteworthy, dramatic, and fresh way, usually does not go amiss if only done on occasion.

 

The Emit Command: Not Just For NPCs

 

If you stick to 'pose', or, heaven help us, 'say', every pose you let out is going to start with your name.  If everyone does this, the screen starts to look like some sort of extended roll call.  It can make players weary without them ever realizing why.  Spice things up a little.  Use the emit command, either @emit or \\, to start your poses off with action or dialogue.  Things don't constantly start off with character names in a book and they should not when you pose either.

 

Even one word makes all the difference.  Any action verb: sitting, standing, jumping, leaping, growling...makes a fine start to a pose, even if the name comes right after.  I actually like the emit command so much that I try not to start with my character's name except where absolutely necessary. 

 

That said, do include the character's name somewhere, even in a two person scene where you might believe it should be obvious who is speaking.  Why? Because the emit command is often used to introduce NPCs.  In books, the convention is that the author will not introduce a new character without specifically letting us know first, but sometimes in MU* things get confusing, rolling up and down the screen.  If you're speaking, let us know somewhere, so we don't wonder if you decided to emit your sister dropping in.

 

 

Giving Your RP Sparkle: Conclusion

 

And this concludes my little series on giving your RP sparkle.  Even following one or two of the simple tips found in these articles will improve your RP dramatically.  In future articles I want to address things like handling consent, good plot principles, and other fundamentals that will enhance your gaming experience.  Until then, I leave you with a quick summary of ways to give your RP sparkle.

 

1.         Creativity counts.  Ask yourself what your character has been doing.  Make up reasons to be involved.  Don't wait for others to take you by the hand.  Don't play the same sorts of scenes over and over.

2.         Originality counts.  Don't make a character that's just like every other character on the grid.  Go out of your way to make the type of character that nobody else has made but is desperately needed. 

3.         Being "real" counts.  Know your character's flaws and struggles intimately.  Bring them into the game. 

4.         Being interesting counts.  Make them ask why you are doing something.  Make them ask what you are doing.  Give people a reason to talk to you.

5.         Clarity counts.  Don't worry about pose length -- worry about how clear, interesting, and evocative your pose is.  The rest will take care of itself.

6.         Consideration counts.  Be the guy who knows the preferences of those around him and goes out of his way to provide a good experience for others.  Then they will seek you out and try to make sure that you, also, are having fun.  Take the time to seek out new players from time to time.

 

Thanks for reading, and happy MU*ing!