Kids Say the Dumbest Things
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Page 30. Wow. That's a lot of funny.

The 13th of January, 2001...

The wheelchair guy

Pratz enters this room

[Pratz] The doors open at the far end of the room, and a tall orderly pushes a small figure in a wheelchair into the room. The man in the wheelchair is sickly, and emaciated, as if though he's been ill longer than a body should allow.

SanityClause waves to the wheelchair guy.

Pratz seems different. He can't even lift his head out of the wheelchair, and his hair is not the normal metallic blue it usually is... it's dull, and almost matted with sweat. He looks... different. There's something wrong with him, and not just the illness. The orderly reaches down and uses a handkerchief to wipe a trail of drool away from PRatz's mouth....

Kashshaptu glances down toward Pratz, narrowing her eyes, then snorts as she stretches out her wings and folds them back

[Pratz] The orderly pushes the wheelchair over to the fireplace gently, looking around at all the fearful creatures and different people. They told him this was like no other place in the multiverse, but this is a bit much. He stops the wheelchair near the fire and looks down at his charge. "You're here now, Mr. Strike. Among your friends. " Pratz doesn't respond. His head falls at a odd angle down his front, and he makes no move to lift it.

SanityClause doth poketh Tia and points at Pratz. "Animal, vegetable, or mineral?"

Kashshaptu gets poked, blinks at Sanity, then tilts her head "I think all three"

SanityClause doth rolleth off the Pat Rafters, giggling disturblingly at Tia's remark.

Belle wanders in, brushing her limp hair out of her eyes.

SanityClause doth falleth to the ground with a >DUHT!<

Kashshaptu shakes her head watching Sanity, then chuckles

[Pratz] The orderly watches Pratz for a moment, then gently lifts his head back up and leans it against the headrest. He looks over at the two people talking about Mr. Strike and gulps. "He's... he's very sick... he's been sick for a month, and just started getting treatment. He was... held against his will elsewhere."

[Pratz] The orderly gulps against as he sees Mrs. Strike coming this way. "Ah... h-h-hello, Mrs. Strike. See? He's... still alive, at least."

Belle looks at the orderly. "I'm very glad. But I'm not Mrs. Strike anymore." She takes off her wedding ring and hands it to the orderly.

Kashshaptu blinks watching Belle

[Pratz] The orderly takes the ring. "What am I supposed to do with this? And why not? The people of Pagoda City adore you, most of them."

Belle shakes her head. "Pratz needs someone who deserves him."

Pratz makes soft babbling noises and the orderly turns to see what's wrong.

SanityClause nods. "What profundity, Pratz!"

Kashshaptu chuckles at Sanity's statement


PrincessJenna's genitalia

Mathiew blinks... at a file. "Wow... I thought I lost that...

SanityClause blinks... at some genitalia. "Wow... I thought I lost that...

[SanityClause] PrincessJenna> I found some genitalia for you.

[PrincessJenna] ....

PrincessJenna has enough of her own, thanks.

[SanityClause] (( I just thought you might like another quote for your profile. ∩.∩ ))

PrincessJenna oohs and slaps it into her profie.


No normal humans here

SanityClause dothulhu rollethulhu over to Cheesy.

Cheesecakethulhu picks up Sanity and cradles him in her arms as she slumps down onto a sofa, uttering a silent snarl at any else who dare come near her.

Cheesecakethulhu strokes Sanity's head.

SanityClause makes a warped purring sound.

BladeRunner is listening to Pink Floyd "Wish you Were Here"

SanityClause is listening to White Noise. "Static"

SanityClause is actually listening to Cheesy heartbeat.. "shuggoth... shuggoth..."

Cheesecakethulhu keeps stroking SC's head. She's surpsied he can hear her heartbeat. But then she realises that you can't really send a completely insane creature more so.

SanityClause grins. Several mirrors break.

Cheesecakethulhu musters a harsh smile at the breaking of the mirrors. She starts lobbing rocks across the room, both at the bar and the windows at various points. She doesn't care if the rocks hit patrons, or if the glass shards land on people or in their drinks or anything. She just likes the sound of breaking glass.

SanityClause looks like a normal human when looked at through a broken mirror...

Cheesecakethulhu doesn't like Normal Humans. They're irritating fucking creatures.

Cheesecakethulhu is luckily enough, completely fucking nuts. She cuddles her Sanity closer and curls up.

SanityClause doth maketh that warped purring sound again.

Cheesecakethulhu whispers almost silently to Sanity. Those passing close enough to hear her have to take a sanity roll upon hearing noise uttered from that unspeakable throat.

SanityClause nods wisely.


Governmental Health Warming

[SanityClause] Smoking is hazardous to your wealth.

[SanityClause] Smoking in bed may dirty your sheets.


Disorderly orderly

MallusPneumaticosRex flies into the room as one of those annoying little gnats that buzzes around your ears

MallusPneumaticosRex zooms around the room annoying everybody he sees till he finds Tia

[Pratz] The orderly looks up at Belle for a second. "Look, this isn't in my job contract. I agreed to take care of him, not deal with his wife. Look, go home, take the ring, and think about it. Pratz... needs somebody to take care of him and maybe find a way to heal him."

[Belle] "Only one woman can do that, and she's dead." She walks off, leaving the orderly holding the ring.

[MallusPneumaticosRex] Hi baby! bzzz bzzz.. what's wrong with Pratzzzz? I mean other than the usual phsycological problemzzz?

Kashshaptu shrugs her shoulders and wings at Mallus "Not entirely sure"

SanityClause knows what wrong with Pratz, oh yes. Pratz ate too much Ice Cream is coming off the brain freeze.

[Pratz] The Orderly looks down at Pratz's inert form and shakes his head. "Damn."

MallusPneumaticosRex , seeing Tia is busy, flies down to the Disorderly Orderly and looks over his shoulder.. Hey Mr. whatcha got on the gerny? a dead Pratz?

Kashshaptu really thinks Pratz just needs put out of his misery as she glances down at him

[Pratz] The orderly looks at Mallus. "Mr. Strike seems to have... have suffered severe brain damage during his recent imprisonment. ... to tell the truth, he's all but dead."

MallusPneumaticosRex smacks the orderly upside the head and returns to kissing on Tia.. it's more fun that way...sides she's much better looking.

[MallusPneumaticosRex] looking at the orderly as he flies away.. hell I can fix that...I can do a brain transplant... just find me a donor... willing or otherwise.

[Pratz] The orderly blinks. "Wouldn't the person who transplanted the brain over be the person who was really alive, and not Mr. Strike?"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] nah, the right drugs and some soul searching and re-arrainging and mr.pratz would be his old self again and the donor would be doing the thorazine shuffle across hell';s kitchen in fuzzy slippers.

[Pratz] The orderly blinks then looks around. "Well... I guess I should try at least, once." He pulls a note out of his pocket and beings reading. "By order of the Defense Force of Pagoda City in accordance with the wishes of the active Mayor, I am hereby authorized to present anyone who can return our hero, Pratz Strike, ESQ., to his full and normal health and condition, to the Council of Pagoda City, in the Seat, and there they may receive a reward."

[MallusPneumaticosRex] Should I try to fix him hon. or should we just invade Pagoda city?

Kashshaptu glances at Mallus, tilting her head a bit ... "Hmmm, more for the Empire?"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] true, but Pratz is ok, for a critter and we got enough headaches with the Empire we got plus the kids.

[Kashshaptu] "Then invade to add to the freezer?"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] yeah, but we shouldn't be so open about it... it's much more fun to use subterfuge.

[Kashshaptu] "It's not like those here could do anything about it"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] true, but pratz is kinda like a pet, you only kick the dog when there is nobody else to take your frustrations out on.


I sit on him

Cheesecakethulhu pokes SC's cushion, hoping to elicit a squeak or some other amusing noise.

SanityClause 's cushion goes "WHOOPIE!"

Cheesecakethulhu has a Whoopie cushion? Yayness...

[MallusPneumaticosRex] (ooc Mallus is Tia's whoopie cushion, she sits on his lap and makes funny noises)


Drunk & Disorderly

Kashshaptu looks at Mallus and shrugs "It's up to you"

MallusPneumaticosRex flies down to Mr. pratz's orderly... what's the reward?

[Pratz] The orderly looks at the paper. "It's not noted... I think it's your choice of items from the Vault. almost 20 years of every collected item that Pratz has found over time."

MallusPneumaticosRex looks down at the orderly... you should be aware there may be side effects fromw the proceedure. but I will do my best to limit them to minor changes in personality.

[Pratz] The orderly blinks, but doesn't move.

MallusPneumaticosRex looks at the blank stare on the orderly, been sampling the drugs again huh? well here goes the ballgame...

MallusPneumaticosRex reaches into his pouch and pulls out a wet, newly aquired soul

MallusPneumaticosRex then he carefully strips all the personality from the soul , adds a touch of his own, sweet personality, and forms it into a big ol horse pill.

MallusPneumaticosRex performs an arcane ritual over the pill..ee ee ooh ahh ahh ting tang walla walla bing bang boo.. and hands the pill to the orderly..this can be administered through either orifice.

[MallusPneumaticosRex] If this was being given to Lothar I would have more explicit instructions as to where to shove it.

[Pratz] The orderly takes the pill and shakes his head. "Sticking my hand up his ass wasn't in my contract." He gets out Pratz's water bottle from below the wheelchair. "Come on Mr. Strike, eat the nice medicine... that's a good boy."

MallusPneumaticosRex turns and flies back to his wife and daughter.. this should be good.

Kashshaptu snuggles against Mallus .. placing their daughter beside her, but keeping an arm around her to keep her with them ... "How so?"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] I like the way this orderly thinks.. a classic medical employee... $25 an hour to use his patient as a guinea pig, with no regard for the patient. you oughta hire him as the Empires surgeon General.

[SanityClause] If lack of personality persists, start a cult.

Kashshaptu chuckles at Mallus

Pratz gets the pill pushed down his throat, then sits there a moment.

Pratz coughs. "Uhhh."

[MallusPneumaticosRex] well when my lovable nature combines with the remnant of pratz's .. he will either be healed or a homocidal maniac with delusions of granduer...

Kashshaptu just looks at Mallus "Oooohhhh, ok"

Pratz coughs again. "Owww...."

Belle watches the orderly for a moment, and beckons him.

Pratz 's legs move slowly. He tries to stand, it seems, but his legs and arms, and all his muscles are weak with nonuse, so he collapses back into the wheelchair. "Mmmm... Ammmm..."

[Pratz] The orderly walks over to Mrs... probably Ms. Strike now. "Yes ma'am."

[Belle] "Take Pratz home. Make sure he's comfortable. Then... You're fired."

[Pratz] The orderly blinks, then gives her the finger. "Hey, I don't need this job, ok? You do it yourself." He turns and walks out.

Cheesecakethulhu snuggles Sanity more, looking somewhat more like a relaxedthulhu. At least she's not trying to cause GBH.

SanityClause watches Drunk&Disorderly skip and prance around 'casue he gets to be free of this place.

Pratz groans. "Oh... I hurt..."

MallusPneumaticosRex looks at Pratz.. you think you hurt now.. wait till that pill comes out the other end.

SanityClause points at Pratz. "Little boy blue ate too much Ice Cream."

Cheesecakethulhu snickers silently, stroking the top of Sanity's..uhh..Head?

Pratz groans. "Ooh..."

Pratz is unable to do much of anything. He doesn't look much different from when he was sick... but the fire in his eyes has returned.

Pratz is dropped through a portal gate, wheelchair and all.

Pratz exits from this room

Kashshaptu blinks as Pratz disappears, then looks back to Mallus "Looks like you sorta got cheated out of the reward"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] nah, I'll get it later, one way or another.

PinkHairAndCoke blinks as she observes the wheelchair being sucked through a portal. Oh.. how she would have loved taking advantage of that situation. Wait, shouldn't Pratz have been dragon meat by now? Well, she strides for her favorite sofa and seats herself.

Cheesecakethulhu knows as well as you do Pink, that people around here never die when they should.


Pole dancing

CorvainVincentRage blinks back a snarl and colapses back, the strength leaving him all at once.." 'Mee..God..It was a slaughter..they...they stuck us on poles.."

MallusPneumaticosRex looks at CVRage, well either he was fighting the Zerg, or he just got back from a Gay rights meeting.


Let's party on down

[MallusPneumaticosRex] Tia you heard about what happened at the newyears party here didn't you?

Kashshaptu shakes her head "No, what did?"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] Everybody was feeling Merri, till she got mad and left, then they jumped for Joy. lol!


A new game from Wiltin' Badly

[MallusPneumaticosRex] Tia hon, you don't mind if I get the kids a new game called "Bonk" do you?

Kashshaptu stops and looks at Mallus, tilting her head "Bonk?"

[MallusPneumaticosRex] yeah it's a board with holes in it that little bunny rabbits pop their cute little heads through, then you try to hit them with a hammer. Comes with a supply of real bunnies and is made of plastic so the brains are easily cleaned up.


Shaundy

Shaundy slips in behind her ale barrels, watching the room quietly.

[SanityClause] Gimme Gimme Nervous Breakdown.

Cheesecakethulhu shakes her Sanity for a moment.

SanityClause is all shook up.

Cheesecakethulhu snuggles her Sanity again.

SanityClause makes a louder version of the warped purr. His body vibrating slightly.

Cheesecakethulhu giggles silenty, holding the vibrating...Uh...Sanity.

Shaundy glances at the purring vibrating uhh Sanity... She just curls up tightly in behind her ale barrel hiding place.

Blue watches the room quietly.

Cheesecakethulhu watches the room watch Blue back with its beady little eyes.

Shaundy watches C'cthulhu watch the room watch Blue.

Cheesecakethulhu watches Shaundy watch herself watch the room watch Blue.

Shaundy is being watched by an Elder C'cthulhu? She uh... faints. Poor thing.

Blue blinks and closes her eyes.

SanityClause watches his watches of watching...

Blue decides she needs a drink and heads over to the bar.

Cheesecakethulhu watches Shaundy faint. She just looks rather baffled. She's wearing clothes today.....

Cheesecakethulhu wonders if Blue's trying to walk to the bar with her eyes closed still?

Cheesecakethulhu turns her Sanity on its head.

Blue opened her eyes.

Shaundy is just a nervous girl. You would be too if a great hairy beast tried to eat you once. And if the person who was supposed to be looking out for you was dead..

[SanityClause] Blue's getting a headstart on being blind drunk.

Blue scans the bottles and decides on a bottle of blueberry kool-aid.

Cheesecakethulhu stuffs her Sanity in her pocket and climbs to her feet, meandering over to where Shaundy's unconscious behind the barrels.

Shaundy is still unconscious, good thing too, she might faint again. Poor girl is beyond waif thin again too.

[SanityClause] Lint's be friends!

Cheesecakethulhu picks Shaundy up, muttering and clucking silently so herself. In an almost maternal manner it would seem. She's being nice tonight.

Shaundy is picked up? Oh my. She's awake, after a fashion now, but she refuses to open her eyes.

Cheesecakethulhu hands Sanity some navel lint as she carries the unconscious girl over to a nearby sofa.

SanityClause wonders if the navel lint is on shore leave?

Cheesecakethulhu thinks so. You'd better watch out Sanity, else it'll love you and leave you with twins and the clap.

Shaundy keeps her eyes closed, she does look, really. She also notes, for Ccthulhu, that if she weighs 40 kilos, she's amazed.

[SanityClause] Clap on! Clap Off!

Cheesecakethulhu places Shaundy on a sofa then ponders a way to prevent her from running off whilst she gets a bowl of broth or something for her. Then she comes up with it. One tentacle extends and gently lies over Shaundy's midsection whilst Ccthulhu herself potters off to the kitchen.

Shaundy is quivering under that tentacle, but doesn't run off...

Cheesecakethulhu potters back out from the kitchen, holding a large bowl of warm chicken soup and a mug of cocoa. She wanders back over and pulls up a chair next to Shaundy, allowing the tentacle to come off of the girl's midsection.

Shaundy 's stomach gives her away. It rumbles, noisily, at the scent of the food. Her eyes crack open, slowly, as she peers at Ccthulhu

SanityClause reaches out and puts a little purple plastic umbrella in the mug of Cocoa.

Cheesecakethulhu looks like a relatively normal person. If you can forget that she just was holding Shaundy in place with tentacles. Offering a warm smile, she holds the mug of cocoa out for Shaundy, gesturing for her to sit up.

Shaundy sits up cautiously.. "Y'aint goin tae eat me are ye?"

Cheesecakethulhu shakes her head and tries not to grin. She holds up a sign that reads "I don't eat people. They taste funny"

SanityClause doesn't eat clowns for the same reason.

Shaundy blinks at Ccthulhu/

[Shaundy] Ye sure y'ain't goin' tae eat me?

Cheesecakethulhu nods, scratching her head with a spare tentacle. The sign is flipped over and now reads "I'm pretty sure. You're a little too skinny too. That and I'm not hungry"

[Shaundy] I ain't skinny!

Shaundy looks down at herself, then blinks. "A'roight I am.."

Cheesecakethulhu offers the cocoa again. Each time she flips the sign, something else is written "Well I was going to say emaciated, but that would've ben rude.."

Shaundy takes the cocoa, and nods. "I wouldn't unnerstood..."

Cheesecakethulhu carefully sets the tray with the chicken soup on it up over Shaundy's legs. She nods in approval as Shaundy takes the cocoa and reflips her sign "Anyway, I promise I won't eat you, and I'll try to avoid scaring you too much"

Shaundy sips the cocoa, slowly, she's already burned herself on hot food once before.. "I.. I ain't too 'ard tae scare m'um.." "

Cheesecakethulhu shrugs and smiles again "I'm a scary person. Usually I send people insane. You're just lucky I'm wearing clothes tonight. Then you'd be scared..."

Shaundy blinks. "Ye walk 'roun' in yer al't'gaither?"

Jerl pats Mysti's shoulder adn hugs her gently"Well I am happy...and for once I see that there really is a reas9on for being...something I never considered before"

Jerl kicks the 9 out of his last post

SanityClause catches the 9, clones it and reverses the original. He offers the result to Cheesy.

Cheesecakethulhu stuffs Sanity back in her pocket. She'll take him up on her offer later, when there's not small people around. She then chuckles silently to Shaundy "Usually. Sometimes I have a hat..."

Shaundy blinks repeatedly at Ccthulhu, "Just an 'at?"

Cheesecakethulhu nods, flipping a black cowboy hat onto her head with a spare tentacle "That's about it"

Shaundy absently starts to eat the soup in front of her. She's visually transfixed by the .. odd woman in front of her.

Cheesecakethulhu giggles silently. The funniest thing about her would have to be that no matter what she does, be it speak, move, tap her fingers on something...Nothing she does makes a single sound. It's like something's preventing her from being heard.

Shaundy is more freaked out by the tentacles. ;) She sips the cocoa, blinking..

Cheesecakethulhu 's sign is flipped around a few times before being set up to read "Let's just hope this soup is enough to stop those tummy growls. They skeert me...:)~~~"

[Shaundy] er.. M'um? I ain't meanin tae soun' lioke I ain't graitfou' but, I ain't rioghtly sure why yer bein' nice...tae me

Shaundy blinks at Ccthulhu. "'ey di'??"

Cheesecakethulhu shrugs a little, still smiling "I'm feeling like being nice today..." She goes wide eyed and nods emphatically, spinning her sign on one finger before displaying it "Oh Aye, they did! I thought t'were some biganscarymonster!"

Shaundy all but faints again! "It were an great 'airy beast wot tried tae eat me 'ere!"

Cheesecakethulhu blinks and wriggles her tentacles a minute before subsiding "Oh no..Not a great 'airy best. Just a biganscarymonster. Nothing that'd eat you!"

Shaundy ohs, and nods, finishing up the soup. "Yer sure?"

Cheesecakethulhu nods "I'd stake my hat on it"

Shaundy giggles a bit. "Tha's a'roight 'en. Y' ain't gonna eat me.."

Cheesecakethulhu chuckles silently "Of course I won't..."

Shaundy blinks a bit, rubbing her eyes. "Ooo I ain't feelin' sae good..."

[SanityClause] Plop Plop Fizz Fizz.

Cheesecakethulhu blinks "What's wrong?"

Cheesecakethulhu nods and takes away the soup bowl "Just take it careful with the cocoa....I've got to go now..there's something that's trying to eat my sofa at home.."

Shaundy nods slowly to Ccthulhu, and curls up on the couch, groaning softly.

Cheesecakethulhu strokes Shaundy's forehead before she stands "Take care..."

Cheesecakethulhu disappears.


Quote of the day

[SanityClause] Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

Had a bad day? Sucks to be you. Here's a nice tasty meal, and don't forget to chew.
Email fan-mail to OrionDouglas, and send me comments on the page as well! Why don't you check out what else my webspace has to offer?

The images used are copyright ©2002 Richard Hunter. I made them! Not you! Bad Monkey! Parts of this page might be copyright of WEBRPG, you never know. However, I take credit for the compilation. If you wanna link to this, fine, just email me and let me know! The views expressed in this document are not those of people who carry swords the size of industrial girders. Night follows day and day follows night and if you can't follow that no one here can help you. (from the little book of crap - Kaz Cooke)
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