Top-N Our first, best, and last line of defense against alien invasion...

(drumroll, please...)

  1. The Mad Farter visits Mars
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
  2. Tori Spelling's butt-ugly face being broadcast into space every week
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
  3. An unholy alliance of accordionists
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
  4. Reaganomics (which Vice-President George Bush called what? Class?
     ___doo economics?)
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
  5. Alein disguise kits: assimilate, infiltrate, assassinate.
     Submitted: ,m,m,
  6. #5 Not necessarily in that order.
     Submitted: ,m,m,
  7. can you say diet coke ?
     Submitted: buttwhore(sped669@aol.com)
  8. dennis rodman allies with uranus
     Submitted: buttwhore(sped669@aol.com)
  9. every west virginia citizen stands naked and holds hands, while
     shouting " THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME"
     Submitted: buttwhore(sped669@aol.com)
 10. REDNECK RAMPAGE
     Submitted: buttwhore(sped669@aol.com)
 11. TURTLE WAX
     Submitted: buttwhore(sped669@aol.com)
 12. Two words: Slim Whitman.
     Submitted: Mike Hunt(@oj's.com)
 13. Alien Grfvnbvoergfrehldaqw3q: Intergalactic Customs Agent
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 14. Buzz Lightbeer
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 15. Pointed sticks. If that doesn't work, we launch fruit at them.
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 16. Rain
     Submitted: Dominik Fuhrmann(Duck@home)
 17. Squirt lemon juice in their eyes (if they have 'em).
     Submitted: horty(have@day)
 18. Hide when they land, then creep into their spaceship and go joyriding.
     Won't save the earth, but at least you'll have a few laughs before
     they grind you up for hamburgers.
     Submitted: horty(have@day)
 19. kathielee in black leather. If that doesn't freak them out, nothing
     will.
     Submitted: The Showman
 20. No, make that kathielee *and* Amanda in black leather. It doesn't get
     much creepier than that.
     Submitted: The Showman
 21. AWM. If they think all of earth's population is like that, then why
     the hell would they bother taking it over???
     Submitted: Piss Ant
 22. Broadcast "Spice Girls" on every radio station for three hours
     straight. Prefferably the one, (I don't know the title) That keeps
     repeating the same lyrics over and over.
     Submitted: Piss Ant
 23. Et alors, launchez la vache!
     Submitted: F/L Canuck, RCAF
 24. Lure them onto the Don Valley Parkway or the 401 during rush hour --
     they'll never be heard from again!
     Submitted: F/L Canuck, RCAF(stalled.in.traffic@toronto)
 25. Taunt them mercilessly (e.g. "Your mother was a hamster, and your
     father smelled of elderberries!")
     Submitted: Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film
 26. #22. What do you mean? All their songs are like that!
     Submitted: Bug
 27. Two words: Noisy Cricket
     Submitted: Arrowhead
 28. Oasis
     Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
 29. Pepsi
     Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
 30. Give them Bill Clinton - With any luck, he'll inbreed the lot of them.
     Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
 31. amanda and kathielee in black lace. (scarier still)
     Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
 32. #22, #28 - Not to mention the Smashing Pumpkins and Hanson...
     Submitted: Just Me
 33. #15 - Release a tiger. If they don't have any redcurrents, they'll
     never last.
     Submitted: Just Me
 34. Introduce National Village People Day, where everyone dresses up like
     their favorite cowboy, indian, construction worker, policeman, etc.
     and sings 'YMCA' all day. I bet the aliens would retreat after about 5
     minutes, if they lasted that long.
     Submitted: Just Me
 35. #7 - Even worse: Caffeine Free Diet Coke. Just tell them that it's our
     only form of liquid refreshment. I know _I_ wouldn't be able to stand
     it around here.
     Submitted: Just Me
 36. A BANANA!!!!
     Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragon.dominatrix.com)
 37. 20-foot-high electrified barbed wire surrounding our borders. That
     oughtta keep those damn Canadians out.
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
 38. Conan O'Brien's nightly monologue
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
 39. Lemon Curry?
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
 40. #38: Leave Conan alone.
     Submitted: Conan's Sister
 41. Call the Psychic Pinhead Network and talk to a real live pinhead:
     212.505.9576
     Submitted: Lilibeth
 42. Aunt Bea's pickles
     Submitted: Oldtimer
 43. Introduce Pet Rocks and Beanie Babies into their culture to lower
     their intellegence level.
     Submitted: the TRIAD (SpudHead)(motown)
 44. Destroy the world before they get the chance.
     Submitted: the TRIAD (SpudHead)(motown)
 45. Surround the earth with a thin candy shell.
     Submitted: the TRIAD (SpudHead)(motown)
 46. Forbid earth women from shaving.
     Submitted: the TRIAD (SpudHead)(motown)

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Last updated: Tue 26 Aug 97 17:18:28
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