Top-N Signs your cat may be trying to kill you (drumroll, please...) 1. Keeps trying to toss you electrical appliances while you're in the shower. Submitted: Flowerchild 2. #23 - We'll never be that fortunate Submitted: Just Me 3. You find a firearms permit laying in a desk drawer with your cat's name on it. Submitted: Just Me 4. The cat goes to Tae-Kwan-Do classes every Tuesday and Thursday Submitted: Just Me 5. He joins the National Guard and learns to drive armored tank vehicles Submitted: Just Me 6. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 7. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Baileys 900 number on your bill. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 8. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 9. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 10. You wake to find a birds head in your bed. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 11. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 12. Droppings in the litterbox spell out "REDRUM." Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 13. takes attentive notes everytime "Itchy and Scratchy" are on. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 14. You find the blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 15. has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 16. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 17. ball of yarn playfully tied in a hangmans noose. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 18. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" that reads "LEEV AWL 2 KAT." Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 19. Now sharpens claws on your cars brakelines. Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 20. The cat has been giving you that look ever since you posted replies to "TOP-N WAYS TO SKIN A CAT." Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) 21. Extremely high velocity hairballs seen flying across the room and embedding themselves in the wall, right beside your head. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 22. Box of rat poison in the fridge, labeled "Fud". Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 23. You find a very large mousetrap, with a wheel of cheese attached, sitting in your bedroom doorway. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 24. Large rental truck filled with fertilizer parked out in front of the house with muddy paw prints leading off down the street. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 25. Cat's been wearing kitty-sized Bruno Magli shoes for the past week. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 26. Easy, it's a cat! They're all the spawn of Satan. Out to get us, they are. Nip these evil creatures in the bud now, before it's too late. They fetch a good price in my local Kebab King, if you're interested. Submitted: Dangerman 27. "Mr. President! Socks is a Japanese assassin robot! (shots heard) MR. PRESIDENT!! Dear God, he's been SHOT!! FIND THAT CAT!!!!" Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 28. It's attempting to sever your Jugular Vein Submitted: ASickMind 29. Phone calls for Frisky asking if the house is still up for sale. Submitted: BigGulp 30. Inexpictedly your white tee-shirts have been died into bulls-eyes. Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca) 31. Inexpictedly your white tee-shirts have been died into bulls-eyes. Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca) 32. In the worning you wake up in your Jewish neighbourhood to find a painted Swastika and a trail of paw print's. Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca) 33. It starts laughing suddenly as you examine your life insurance with Norwige Union. Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca) 34. Bills from Acme for explosives Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 35. Sleep deprivation - it wakes you up in the middle of the night wanting attention, *every night*. Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 36. A trail of kitty litter from the house to your car...and around the hood release. Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 37. You are no longer finding fur ball's but fur trip wire's and fur snares dotted aroung the house. Submitted: Chris Robin 38. your sure you didn't leave all you knifes in your bed Submitted: Chris Robin 39. Passport and airline tickets hidden under scratching post. Submitted: MMM 40. You find your bullet proof vest with a dead mouse wrapped in it Submitted: CTI (Feline Duplicity Department) 41. She just sits and *stares* at you all day, with those calculating green eyes... Submitted: CTI (Feline Duplicity Department) 42. He keeps looking at you with that weird, disgusted, mouth-half-opened expression ("Flehmen reaction") he gets sometimes Submitted: CTI (Feline Duplicity Department) 43. He stabs you three times in the chest, once in the neck. Submitted: AAZ(was@here) 44. Signed up for martial arts classes, able to stick cat food lids in walls/ceiling. Submitted: MMM ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This list started by ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu) Last updated: Sun 13 Apr 97 10:54:06 Remember to press the RELOAD button to see your submissions! See the ABOUT TOP-N file for more info... Submit an entry for this top-n ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Back to TOP-N index] [Back to my HOME page]