Top-N Signs your computer has been possessed by the devil

(drumroll, please...)

  1. Constant system errors saying "Insufficient Blood -- Please Insert
     Virgin in Drive B"
     Submitted: Kirby
  2. Periodically flashes 'registration' messages -- "Give us your soul and
     receive full customer service and important news about upgrades"
     Submitted: Kirby
  3. OS documentation contains the phrase "Copyright 1981-1996 Microsoft"
     Submitted: Kirby
  4. "This program has performed an illegal operation and WILL BE SENT TO
     BURN ETERNALLY IN HELL!".
     Submitted: Interrositer Prestidigitent KK Byron
     Wheeler-Vagan(daniel@the-any-key.com)
  5. When you try to turn it off you hear a faint chanting noise through
     the speakers and a searing pain in the heart area ("kali maa... Kali
     maa.. KALI MAAA...")
     Submitted: Interrositer Prestidigitent KK Byron
     Wheeler-Vagan(daniel@the-any-key.com)
  6. "You have entered the first circle of hell, press any key to
     continue."
     Submitted: Interrositer Prestidigitent KK Byron
     Wheeler-Vagan(daniel@the-any-key.com)
  7. "By opening this package you agree that your eternal soul belongs to
     MICROSOFT..."
     Submitted: Interrositer Prestidigitent KK Byron
     Wheeler-Vagan(daniel@the-any-key.com)
  8. It's an IBM
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
  9. You come home, your computer's gone, and there's a faint whiff of
     brimstone in the air (oops, that's Top-N signs your computer has been
     repossessed by the devil)
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home)
 10. regardless of what you enter on your spreadsheet all numbers totals
     and formulas are somehow related to the number 666
     Submitted: jess krug(ica666@hotmail.com)
 11. billy graham pat robertson and jesse helms write you a congratulatory
     letter saying that "your computer is saved"
     Submitted: jess krug(ica666@hotmail.com)
 12. You walk into the room to hear it babbling in a strangle language
     while the monitor slowly turns around and around.
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 13. Using holy water to clean the monitor causes it to smoke, blister and
     scream in unholy anguish.
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 14. You come home to find a huge fat and revolting clown using the word
     processor.
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 15. Small pair of horns appear on top edge of monitor.
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 16. In DOS, you keep getting the message "(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)acrifice".
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 17. Any .wav files you play come out backwards, revealing Satanic
     messages.
     Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
 18. Your screen saver has been replaced with a scrolling message that
     says, "I'm your computer, and I've been possessed by the devil."
     Submitted: Just Me
 19. The only program it will run is "Pitchforks '95"
     Submitted: Just Me
 20. #5 - The internet gaming program....coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO!!!
     Submitted: Conspiracy Man(Never Touch The Stuff)
 21. The only thing you can draw is a Pentagram
     Submitted: Magus Orion(Orionrh@hotmail.com)
 22. The only programing language that works is GW-BASIC
     Submitted: Magus Orion(Orionrh@hotmail.com)
 23. Your entire system is black & red with a white M-like design over the
     keyboard, and decorated with chains & skulls
     Submitted: RoninTurbo
 24. The monitor spins and the printer and/or disk drive spew out pea soup
     Submitted: RoninTurbo
 25. Windows 95 is installed.
     Submitted: RoninTurbo
 26. It's part of the Mir Space Station (Christ in a Corned-Beef Sandwich,
     what else can those tosspots break?)
     Submitted: Dangerman
 27. When your computer starts up you it says running Windows 666.
     Submitted: B'Elanna(st@voy.com)
 28. The mouse has a pointy tail.
     Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragon.dominatrix.com)
 29. The devil or an intermediary third party sold the computer to you.
     That's if your computer has been possessed by the devil. If your
     computer is currently possessed by the devil, well then you must be
     the devil. Duh. It's your computer, you possess it. UNless maybe you
     took out a loan from the bank to buy the computer, in which case I
     think technically the bank would be the devil. I'll have to check on
     the legal status of that and get back to you.
     Submitted: Dingo Floyd(hey! I like GW-Basic!)
 30. You have the kathielee screensaver!
     Submitted: Amanda(HAHAHAHAHAHA)
 31. You have a problem defragmenting the hard drive.
     Submitted: Alacorn(@ Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
 32. It keeps telling you how to make the "Captain Trips" virus, using
     common kitchen and bathroom items.
     Submitted: Arrowhead
 33. That cool "REDRUM" screen saver
     Submitted: Arrowhead

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This list started by Kirby()
Last updated: Sat 23 Aug 97 16:53:47
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