Top-N Ways to tick off your Flying instructor (drumroll, please...) 1. Wear a parachute Submitted: MMM 2. Wear a nun's habit Submitted: MMM 3. Wear a propellor beanie cap Submitted: MMM 4. Make engine noises with your lips when preflighting the propellor. Submitted: MMM 5. Refuse to go more than gliding distance away from the airport. Submitted: MMM 6. Keep shouting "mayday, mayday!" over the radio. Submitted: BigGulp 7. Jump outta the plane with a bungee cord attached. Submitted: BigGulp 8. Kick him outta the plane, shouting "man overboard!" Submitted: BigGulp 9. Buzz the tower, fast. Submitted: BigGulp 10. Keep the plane upside down as long as possible. Submitted: BigGulp 11. Refuse to take off because you're scared of heights. Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum) 12. Play chicken with Air Force fighter jets. Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum) 13. Insist on sitting outside because you're claustrophobic. Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum) 14. Keep asking "How do we launch the nukes?" Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum) 15. Crash. Submitted: anonymous 16. Buzz a nude beach and scream, "Hooters at 7 O'clock!!! Hooters at 7 O'clock!!! " Submitted: anonymous 17. Keep flying upwards for a few hours. Submitted: Relian Kru(what?) 18. Keep saying: "Houston, we have a problem!" Submitted: Relian Kru(what?) 19. Play the violin. Submitted: Relian Kru(what?) 20. Keep referring to the plane as "This old X-Wing". Submitted: Relian Kru(what?) 21. Fly through barns and other buildings. Submitted: Relian Kru(what?) 22. Spill your Pepsi all over the controls. Submitted: Night Flier(alien@area51) 23. Sing depressing psalms. Submitted: Night Flier(alien@area51) 24. Ask the instructor if you can beam up some of your friends. Submitted: Night Flier(alien@area51) 25. Fly under the Golden Gate or Tacoma Narrows bridge. Submitted: MMM 26. Fly under the Lake Washington or Hood Canal (floating) bridge. Submitted: MMM 27. Turn a hamster family loose behind the seats. Submitted: MmM 28. Bring your pet boa along. Submitted: MmM 29. Barf in his/her flight helmet. Submitted: MmM 30. "Forecasts? Forecasts? We don' need no steenkin' forecasts!" Submitted: The Met. Tech. from Hell 31. just say OOPS! fairly often... Submitted: hunky dory(dawbie@hotmail.com) 32. "What's this do again?" "That's the yoke. You move it, and the plane moves too" "Really? Cool!". Then push it all the way forward Submitted: Just Me 33. Demand that you be allowed to land it yourself, on your first lesson Submitted: Just Me 34. Taxi along the ground before take-off, and retract the landing gear. Submitted: Just Me 35. If you're female and he's male, tell him you have PMS. Then do an absolutely perfect landing. Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover) 36. Try to land upside down. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 37. Land on the street near the airport and claim that you thought it was the runway. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 38. Pull up next to another plane on the tarmac and chalenge him to a race down the runway. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 39. When landing play chicken with someone taking off or vice versa. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 40. Mention in casual conversation as you are flying that your wife just left you, your dog died, you lost your job, they are forclosing on your house, the phone company shut off service and you can no longer post to Top-N, and you have no reson to live. Then ask him witch way is down. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 41. Radio the control tower. "This is ValueJet flight 592, we're currently flying over the Florida everglades at 20,000 feet and... what's this? Smoke in the cockpit?" Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 42. Strap yourself to the top of the airplane. Claim that 'This is how the Wright brothers did it!' Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 43. After takeoff, giggle often and keep asking 'Are we getting high yet?' Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 44. Buzz their house... extra point are awarded for taking off tiles Submitted: The Other(Looking@you) 45. Plogh the nearest field with your wing tips Submitted: The Other(Looking@you) 46. "Look, Ma, no hands!" Submitted: Dive-bomber Dave(DD@www.not_yet_dead.com) 47. "Look, Ma, no altitude!" Submitted: Dive-bomber Dave(DD@www.not_yet_dead.com) 48. Insist on flying to Colombia to pick up a package. Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 49. Fly through "Beggar's Canyon back home". Submitted: the TRIAD 50. Fly down the Death Star trench. Submitted: the TRIAD 51. Fly into the center of a Death Star. Submitted: the TRIAD 52. Bestiality. Submitted: the TRIAD 53. Cruise around in the Bermuda Triangle. Submitted: MMM 54. Look at the controls.Turn to your instructor and ask how you take it out of neutral. Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor) 55. Fly up to 10000 feet,grab a parachute and jump out the window. Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor) 56. Sing any Abba song LOUDLY. Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor) 57. Halfway through the lesson,lean back in the seat and start reading a comic. Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor) 58. Pour Liquid Schwartz in the aux. fuel tank. Submitted: The Impostor 59. Fly out to sea and try to land on an Aircraft Carrier Submitted: Wookie 1 60. Take flight and soar majestically without need of his pitiful plane! Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragons.den.com) 61. Crash Submitted: Klingon Barf 62. BACKH!!!!!!!!!!!! Submitted: Klingon Barf 63. Pretend to lose a contact lens just before landing the plane. Submitted: Flowerchild 64. Cut a fart and blame it on him. Submitted: Hoffa (cougars@mail.net) 65. Replace his/her control stick with a soft rubber bat. Submitted: MMM 66. Cover their microphone with bubble gum. Submitted: MMM 67. Act disgusted, take over control of aircraft while they are trying to talk. Submitted: MMM 68. Fly through clouds without instruments, landing lights on. Submitted: MMM 69. Tense up whenever they take over control. Submitted: MMM 70. Look Ma, no gas! Submitted: Flowerchild 71. Clutch a parachute to your chest during the entire flight. Submitted: Flowerchild 72. Pull out a pair of binoculars and claim that you can see his wife from there. Submitted: Flowerchild 73. Claim that the cabin's getting stuffy, and ask if you can open the windows. Submitted: Flowerchild 74. When taking off, say "Think happy thoughts, Peter Pan!" Submitted: Flowerchild 75. GENERIC WITTY ENTRY Submitted: GENERIC TOP-N USER 76. Wind up the altimeter. Submitted: MMM 77. Set the clock to local pressure in millibars. Submitted: MMM 78. Kick the fires and light the tires. Submitted: MMM 79. Leave the wings folded up for takeoff. Submitted: MMM 80. Walk/run into the pitot tube. Submitted: mmm 81. Stick the pitot tube into a live Redwood tree. Submitted: mmm 82. Try to emulate Jonathan Livingston Seagull on your first solo. Submitted: mmm 83. Simulate a carrier landing in a tennis court. Submitted: MMM(?) 84. re-enact any scenes from the X-files Submitted: ChAoS 85. Set the transponder to "7777" Submitted: Arrowhead 86. When renting the plane for your lesson, ask if you can get collision coverage. Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur 87. Taxi through the McDonald's drive-through and order a Happy Meal Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur 88. All through the flight, vacuum the instruments, seats, roof, windows, instructor etc. with a Dust-Buster. Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur 89. Ask him how you can reconfigure the sub-space tachyon field dispersal array to pick up Howard Stern's show. Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur 90. Chase birds. Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This list started by MMM() Last updated: Sun 13 Apr 97 10:23:40 Remember to press the RELOAD button to see your submissions! See the ABOUT TOP-N file for more info... Submit an entry for this top-n ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Back to TOP-N index] [Back to my HOME page]